Is love so bad? Does it lead to a vulnerable version of you?



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:21 am 
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I am on the verge of settling down but since i don't have a girlfriend officially, this isn't going into the relationship section just yet. I have screened this girl for awhile now (and yes we have been having intercourse), and I have decided that if she were to bring up the girlfriend and boyfriend thing I would be okay with it because I already have her as a prospect (of course not telling her that). I am still talking to other girls on the side because I am not really breaking any rules.

The only thing I see happening is this beautiful loving relationship but you know how you like someone so much that you start becoming more and more vulnerable to them. At first it is nice and then baby fangs start to sprout. Just asking for those with experience in long term relationships to give me some tips to keep in mind along the way. I am aware that I will have to learn a lot of things on my own but your advice would still be beneficial.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:37 pm 
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The only thing I see happening is this beautiful loving relationship but you know how you like someone so much that you start becoming more and more vulnerable to them.
Closeness is a defining characteristic of the strength of (romantic) relationships. Of course, being close also makes you vulnerable. Ergo, no deep human contact without some vulnerability.
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At first it is nice and then baby fangs start to sprout.
Human beings have flaws, and they will become more apparent the longer your relationship lasts. So yeah, some baby fangs are to be expected. That being said, there is no reason to dwell on this fact. There really is no sense in anticipating unknown problems. My advice is to deal with problems as they arise, but to spend most of your time and mental effort just enjoying each other's presence.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 1:52 pm 
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Relationships are hard work. They aren't perfect. There are ups and downs, good and bad. Some guys can't handle them. Some guys don't want them. But most guys DO want them, and there is a reason for it. Because at the end of the day that other person is one of the few people in the world who really knows you and actually gives a shit about you.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:24 pm 
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My personal opinion is that love does make a more vulnerable version of you. You need to ask yourself if you are ok with this. I am the kind of person who is not OK with being vulnerable so i will not engage in any relationship. But if you have found the right person who wont take advantage of your vulnerable side, then your relationship could work. Only you can decide if she is the kind of person who wont walk all over you.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 9:45 pm 
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The other guys have covered almost everything you need to know.

Yes, an intimate, loving relationship will make you vulnerable. Yes, she might take advantage of your vulnerability and leave you hurting. That's the thing with a relationship, you gamble with your heart. I don't see the problem here actually. It's how 90% of relationships are, uncertain.

Key thing though is that she's attracted enough to be sleeping with you, that speaks volumes already. Just keep being like you've been since now. Because what you've been doing up to this point has been working.

Vulnerability is not the issue. It's what you change when you're vulnerable that is. Most guys become needy and rely on the girl to be happy. Happiness is your own issue to work out. If she's the only thing making you happy you're essentially using her by giving nothing in return. Don't be afraid of being vulnerable, it can make the relationship beautiful, provided you don't rely on her for your happiness.

What do you think ?
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 2:26 am 
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I agree with Timo.
I just want to add that love doesn't necessarily have to make you vulnerable. I can only talk from personal experience here, but I figured out that love can actually make you stronger, if you take the right approach to it. I have learned some of my best skills and done some of the most remarkable things in my life while I was in love. Is true relationships have their ups and downs and things aren't a path of roses all the time, but if you commit yourself to get the most out of it, then you won't regret it. Just know that she is not perfect and that nothing is eternal

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