Quote:
Zip, this is a copy and paste from Simcity. I myself have this issue at times, as you know. I feel like you could give a very interesting female perspective to this:
Sometimes I feel that however attracted you are to someone and they are to you, there is still the issue of the jealous Ex-girlfriends, the jealous friends, generally Jealous people.
If they see someone has something they can't have they do everything in their power to get between them.
eg. Getting you to let slip on things behind your partner's back. (easy when you are drunk)
Seducing you to make your girlfriend jelous.
Spreading rumors (whether they be true or not)
comments like "Oh, he's a player, stay well clear", "doesn't he already have a girlfriend?", "he said he slept with you",
I need tips on how to overcome this, as it's the ONLY problem I have. If not then I'm just going to have to go round sleeping with randoms.
This is a very tricky issue. Believe it or not, I have to deal with a lot of jealous girlfriends who are f'ing crazy because I'm friends with their boyfriends. Most of my closest friends are male, so I've been dealing with this issue my entire life. The thing that sucks is it's a bit out of your control. You can't stop it from happening, necessarily, but you can do certain things to minimize the consequences.
The thing I've always done has been to be completely honest about my life, not give out more information than is necessary, don't give details about sexual encounters to my social circle and act like I don't give a fuck.
These people are trying to get a reaction out of you or to affect you in some way...so if you take away the reaction, you take away their power.
The only way to "control" these people is to make them believe they have absolutely control over you. You intercept their formula and somewhat control the outcome
Hater's formula: talk shit + community response + your response + community interest = power to the hater
Player's disruption: hater talks shit + community response - your response (because you don't give a fuck) + community moves on = stalemate.
Eventually, the "haters" give up because they aren't getting the result they want. Now that's really simple, and this problem is more complicated, but maybe you see what I mean? Eventually, you start affecting the outcome by passively diffusing it.
Now, not giving a fuck and not responding sometimes is not an option:
I had a jealous girlfriend physically threaten me over the phone. I kept on trying to reason with her and explain that I am not a threat to her, I have not and will never hook up with her boyfriend, etc. Reason does not work. Once she threatened me, I threw dominant power line (names changed):
Katie: "Zip, if you ever hang out with my boyfriend again, I will do something so awful to you..."
Me: (laugh) "Katie Smith. I'm Zip. What could
you possibly ever do to me?"
The question was clearly rhetorical, and she backed off. This exact response is a bit tricky, because you're basically goading them into action. I knew it would work because she was on a lower social tier. This is an extreme situation and more direct than anyone may want to be, but maybe it will give you an idea of the control theory I'm talking about.
Now, sometimes having a "rep" works for you, when you are male. And also when you let others do the "talking" for you. It's the "bad boy syndrome" I've talked about before. Women are always drawn to more promiscuous men or to the "bad boys" because they believe they will be the one to change them. That's the sickness.