Oh hai everyone!

Friend of mine suggested me to subscribe to this forum and start a journal a couple of months ago, and finally I've made up my mind to write something.

Some essential info about me. I'm 27, I've been living in Italy for several years and last year I moved to Bosnia. In this last year in a new environment my social life has evolved significantly. I go out much more and meet new people. I've been VERY shy most of my life, therefore had almost no experience in the game. I'm still an absolute beginner, and still pretty closed when it comes to meet new people, otherwise I've become quite sociable.




Here are my goals: I do not know all the proper terms, but i think it's pretty clear.

- Learn to flirt. just for the sake of flirting. My goal is not just to pick-up, but i love women's company, and flirting and teasing them, or just having a good time, is already a great satisfaction.

- Stop over-thinking and be present. My friend suggested me daily meditation for that, so I shall try it.

- Control my ego. Start behaving and talking without looking for praise and validation. Letting ego control you is raelly useless.

-Stop procrastinating. Writing this journal is a good start. This is related mostly to my student and professional life, but its a good thing to do in general.

Ok, it's time fort the first repot(s). I should have written this earlier, but as stated procrastination is one of my main problems. Anyways, my days since the first post have been quite full, and my assumption is that having a busy and active lifestyle is fundamental for feeling good about myself. I've been going out basically every night in the last ten days.
The main improvement is not feeling down at all. I still have the same over-thinking mindset but I don't get depressed. I just feel ok!

I've finally tried a new hairstyle that I call "the rapist look". I do not look like a rapist of course, but I like to call it that way since is cheesy and good at the same time. I did it essentially to keep my hair less wild, and what was unexpected is that I felt more women are looking at me. Maybe is just my imagination, or maybe I look more confident, point is the first time I went out that way I did and maintained eye contact with three random girls in the same night. Felt pretty good. And a few days later in the bus I had the same sensation of being checked out.

The adventures of Dorothy and the three stooges in Wonderland.
Or was it Delaware?
Anyways, I'm Dorothy. Not because I'm the main character, it's just that i have most facial hair.
My three companions are SuperMario, an hyperactive young fella with a great talent for entertaining people, Little Panda, my best friend here, and my best female friend, Kowalski.
We were chilling at a pub the other day, drinking and making plans for the immediate future, and since we had no ring to toss into a volcano we decided to go and pick-up.

We moved to another inn where SuperMario noticed a group of five girls and challenged me to open with them. The Cowardly Lion in me wanted to chicken out as usual, the John Belushi in me wanted to get covered in french mustard and go for it, but the realist me in me just took a drag from his cigarette and said: "Ok, Bilbo, you open, I'll finish my ginger ale and wing you in a second". Him: "But I thought I was SuperMario". Me "whatever. Just go."
Long story short, He opened, entertained the girls, I joined, little nervous, quite clumsy, but with comfortable shoes and the knowledge of four languages: we had a good time. We chat for an hour, me especially with a cute redhead, Jolanda, who seemed to enjoy me company.

I wasn't rushing to make out or anything, just satisfied of the first progress, but eventually we moved to another club, from where all the girls left but Jolanda. A clear signal to go for it. And since I was not making a move, Kowalski decided to involve us into the classic "spin the bottle", only she would conveniently spin her cellphone. First simple lips-contact kisses, then ten second kisses, the ten second make-out.

So i ended up kissing both SuperMario and LittlePanda, ten second kissing Kowalski and eventually making out with Jolanda. The game finished, I had no options but to try and make out some more with her. She was shyly reluctant at first, saying she has a boyfriend and stuff, but I managed to be playful and confident and she eventually let go. She left suddenly after a few minutes. So many events for one night that I am not sure how to feel about it but definitively a successful first approach. even too much successful.

I don't know how to finish this so I'll simply take a bow. Stay tuned.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

A little update about something that I forgot to mention previously. Last week I was having dinner at me place with LittlePanda and Kowalski, and a new girl we have been hanging out with lately, Lisbeth. She's 19, dark sense of humor, but still a little shy.

We were drinking and watching a movie, having a good time. At least LP and Kowalski were. I was not in an excellent mood, I was hoping to successfully hit on Lisbeth since I got the idea that she was somehow interested in me. however I had no response from her that evening, and when I clumsily tried to kiss her a couple of times directly she calmly backed off. I don't remember exactly what we talked about, I was a little drunk. She eventually went home. That was a little frustrating, but no big deal. I decided to let it cool off.

Yesterday I was supposed to go out with LP and SuperMario but they decided to have better things to do at home. Luckily. Since I did not feel like staying at home on saturday night, I asked Lisbeth to hang out, just to have a good time. We went to a couple of places downtown, talking and joking.
Out of the blue i decided to do the staring game, just to break the routine. It went like this:

Me: Of course you know you are gonna lose.
L: I don't think so.
M: Wanna bet?
L: Like what?
M: If you laugh, you'll have to kiss me.
L: OK. What if I win?
M: Then...I guess I'll have to kiss you.
L: Nonsense.
M: Then I can buy you a beer.
L: I'll say that you have to smoke a cigarette to the filter.
M: ok.

So we started the staring game. A couple of my rapist stares and she laughed after five seconds. She asked to finish her cigarette before kissing. In the meantime, I was trying to figure out how to kiss her properly since I expected her just giving me a brief lips contact. What happened instead was that she put the cigarette off, I got close and she went directly for the tongue.

So we went making out for the following hour or so. It was a bit awkward, since she's the first girl that I kiss that's taller than me, and that's a bit uncomfortable from the practical point of view. I also felt that she's still not completely at ease, but still we had a good time. I tried suggesting to go to a more comfortable place (aka me bed) but she declined. No rush.

Stay tuned for the next round.

What happend in the last 10 days. I've fallen into routine. I have been dating Lisbeth quite often in these days, which is good, having fun with her, but in the last few days I have fallen n my old bad mood, feeling lazy and unmotivated, which of course influences heavily my social interactions. Eating junk food, drinking, smoking a lot, working little. I need to get back on track. Tomorrow is halloween. Im going to wear a costume, hang out with my friends, approach as much as possible, and do my best to feel as energetic and positive as possible. After that: detox. Im going to focus on gaining healthy habits and losing weight, working and studying. I am pretty sure that this is going to boost my mood and my energy. It's useless to try and pick-up or socialize if i am down and sloppy. This is priority now.