Hi everyone,

A friend of mine is having an issue with this guy she is seeing. She is a beautiful girl and she is really into this guy and he acts like he is into her as well. There is just one MASSIVE problem - everytime they have tried to have sex, he cannot get it up. Sometimes he gets it up, but it doesnt last long and they cannot have sex. What could this be? And how to fix this? She is becoming really frustrated as sex in a relationship is very important to her.

Any advice is welcomed.

Ta!

Are they using condoms ? if so thats it! lol

Other than that its just anxiety, she should be a master or foreplay and not just try n get into it, the foreplay can make it flow into sex rather than sex being like "OK LETS GO NOW!" foreplay should ease the pressure and anxiety!.

Thats all i got

My friend used to have this problem between him and his girlfriend. I helped him look this up and we found out that it's all psychological. Some sort of anxiety, stress and even fear of not being able to get it up - which ironically results in... not getting it up.

This should be a temporary problem. My friend is now getting harder then ever when having sex with his girlfriend.

Your friend needs to make sure her boyfriend relaxes. Let him take his time and don't stress him over this. The problem will solve itself soon enough.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

purely psychological

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

they have pills for this kind of thing.

but ED is nooo laughing matter

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que sara sare, LET THAT SHIT RIDE

It could be psychological but also physical or a combination of both.

I don't know what your friend exercise routine is like but as for myself, exercise makes my sex life a LOT better. I get it up faster and last MUCH longer when I exercise regularly.

Currently I do Pilates 1 hour a week, bike 1 hour per week, elliptical 30 minutes a week and 30 minutes runs/jog per week... including other upper body exercises. All this can be done 2-3 days per week.

Blood flow to the nether regions is IMPORTANT when it comes to sex and also helps prevent prostrate cancer.

If he smokes or has a sedentary lifestyle, I would encourage him to quite smoking and start exercising more.

Just my 2 cents.

Best,

J-Dub

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J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

Thanks for this guys.

I think he is really stressed with his job - I guess this can be a major part of not being able to get it up??

I told my friend it is most probably psychological which makes her feel much beytter as she thought maybe he wasn't attracted enough to her.

Anyways all of your feedback is much appreciated thank you!!!

Yeah. It could be a number of things. Nervousness, drunkeness, condoms (esp. too small condoms) etc. Id say the older he is, the more likely it could be erectile dysfunction.

But it could also be their chemistry and what he is into or prefers sexually. I've had the issue with a couple of girls who expect to move into sex too quickly. I like to build up towards sex. Some girls Ive dated just take off all their clothes immediately and want to get going. No dry-humping or slow tension. Some just wanna jump into it immediately and too quickly and that turns me off, big time. It cant feel mechanical or just like an activity. I need a good buildup and a little passion there.

It sounds cruel but there was a time where I wasnt able to perform simply becuase the girl just wasnt sexy to me. She was pretty in a "model-sense" but she just wasnt sexy to me, she didnt turn me on. I need certain amount feminity to do the trick

Thanks for the advice.

I have just received another installment from my friend in regards to this guy - appartently she was with him last night and he still couldnt get it up but woke her up in the middle of the night and sheepishly told her he had a wet dream about her. She then had to get up while he cleaned the sheets and stuff. He was really embarrassed. How come he can have a wet dream but cant get it up to have sex??? Do you think maybe the wet dream wasnt about her?

Maybe he is just not into girls.............
Hahaha just a thought .....

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V3nu

Those pills that your doctor givges you to relax his muscles, guess what... they make your "special muscle" relax..ALOT.
I learned the hardway -__-

It's so funny how you girls assume, the first thing that goes wrong, means the guy is not into you. You never ever consider it could just be some internal issue he has. I guess you don't want to think he has an issue, you'd rather think he's a strong man, and assume it's something wrong with you.

And yet this psychological problem is so common, you have no fricking idea. He's so attracted to you, and then the logical mind comes in and stresses him out because he's put you on a pedistal and is afraid to take what he wants.

I guarantee - this guy wakes up some mornings alone on regular work days, with a massive hard on, just like the rest of us - it's only when he's finally with you, does he stress out and negate all the natural feelings of lust.

It's like how - people have problems sleeping, cause they lay awake all night and stress about things, but during the day when they're doing something mundane like driving, or sitting listening to a presentation, their brain patterns are different then, and they start to nod off, and then they think - geez, why can't I sleep when I want to!

It's a mental state thing. Somehow he has to snap out of it and realise he has to be the man and take what he wants and have fun with it. It's going to be difficult to engineer this from the female's position. Maybe he needs you to tell him everything is okay, and relax, there's no pressure. Maybe he needs you to slap him in the face tell him to man up and just fuck you. Depends on his personality.

Personally I prefer options that are a slap in the face for people

I didn't bother reading the other replies so maybe I'm repeating stuff but, from personal experience I can say that it's probably psychological.

With my current girlfriend I had the same problems (not with girls i didn't care that much about). I have some issues that not many people know and because I know i want to spend a long time with this girl, I got scared that she might dump me because of my issues. I couldn't get it up even though she is the girl of my dreams, or it just went limp as soon as I tried to put it in..

When I talked to her about my issues and just spat it all out and she told me she loved me no matter what, everything was gone, all the stress, anxiety of losing her and stuff like that. I got it up and I've never had such good sex in my life, I've never gone limp ever since, and we've been fucking like bunnies.

Your friend should get him to open up.

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“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.”

Yes, you should have read the earlier replies, most of them agreed about the psychological theory.

Good that you share that story though! Something similar happened to me.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

It's psychological! I had this problem recently. I was a virgin and I was totally hard right before doing it, but I tried to put it in and I couldn't even find the right way to do it. She loves me so we tried again the next day, and I failed again. Eventually I got it but my mind was already psychologically affected so I didn't work as well anymore. One day I just got CONFIDENCE, especially after realizing how to actually put it in, and I have not failed to get it up ONE time after that. The sex is great and she even jokes that I get a lot of boners, ha.