To understand ones emotions over oneitis allows us as PUA to feel more in control of these emotions. It also allows for these emotions to pass quicker as it means you can rationalise your thoughts and identify with the fact that you are currently in oneitis mode! It is normal for even the best of us to experience these thoughts and at times this oneitis can last for months/years or a complete cycle can happen within 30 mins (as it did with me recently).

This cycle that I have theorised is exactly that a theory. If anyone in the community wishes to correct me or add to this then please do so as I want to try and make this as complete and accurate as possible. Any stage of the cycle can revert back to a previous stage depending on the actions of the HB. The cycle usually follows in this path however stages can be skipped depending on the character and circumstances involved.

1. Lust/Affection Stage: The PUA becomes dependent on the HB for emotional security and affection. He basis his own happiness and social status on the actions of the HB and tends to analyse the actions of the HB on a more closer level that would suggest he likes her more. This stage is dangerous as it is the beginning of the dreaded oneitis. Once a PUA realises he is in this stage he should attempt to get out by any means possible (unless of course he wants to focus his attention on this one girl). It is possible for a PUA to remain in this stage forever if he finds shes the girl for him and this would lead to the love cycle.

2. Unrest/Nervy Stage: The HB has done a certain action/actions(which include no actions) that suggest she isn’t as interested in the PUA as first thought. The PUA as having an emotionally attachment to the HB(See previous stage) starts to feel nervy about the whole situation. He may start by analysing the situation again and trying to come out with a non-AFC response however this proves ineffective. The PUA will struggle to hide his true emotion. The HB at this stage may see the deeper feelings come out of the PUA and this may mean that the oneitis cycle progresses onto further stages. However if the PUA passes the shit test things may revert back to stage one for the time being.

Acceptance: Part 1 This is the first time the PUA realises how he has acted with the HB in question. He looks back at his mistakes and how he may have acted in a AFC kind of way. He has accepted that his lust/affection is no more through the actions of the HB and has now lost his emotional attachment from that. The PUA may feel frustrated, angry and depressed all at the same time. This is a stage of self-analysing placing the blame on himself however more than likely the blame gets placed on the girl and after the first part of the acceptance it leads to anger stage. The PUA at this stage may try to re-evaluate his moves and see if there is anything he can do to turn the situation around if it is in regards to a longer time scale oneitis.

Anger/Revenge: The PUA with the feelings of guilt and stupidity may fall into this stage depending on the severity of the stage 1 feelings. Feelings of anger towards the girl arises thinking about how what she done was wrong and hurtful. The PUA now has a very strong hatred of the girl if he falls into this stage and depending on his character may seek to take revenge through trying to make her jealous or other methods. The possibility of going back to stage 1 at this point is very slim even if the HB suddenly changed her mood and actions towards the PUA. Responsibility is placed on the girl and feelings of depression are often forth coming once again whenever he thinks back to the events that proceeded.

Acceptance and Closing: Part 2 The final and last stage of the cycle is often the most rewarding and benefits the PUA the most. He is able to look back at what has happened and have no feelings of anger or remorse towards the girl. He understands what went wrong and what he should have done in order to change the situation and is able to self analyse without feeling any great emotions that harm is well being. If the HB comes back to him he may find it very hard to take her back and he has now accepted that she is bad news. He will be able to talk but will offer no emotional stability or commitment. The PUA will also feel more at ease in talking to new girls but also more wary of how powerful his own emotions are.

This is my first draft and I’m hoping I can develop a flow chart for this in the future. Please comment and help me expand this into something a bit more accurate.
Thanks

Props man.. Great work!

Theres very very very rarely a happy ending with oneitis is there?---question not a statement--im a newbie

It depends how you look at it. By going going through the Oneitis cycle you have developed as person and become more self aware if you don't realise it.

Not in terms of getting the girl. Like Bormad said, you can really learn a lot from your mistakes.

_________________
-Sharplin
My journal:
sharplins-journal-vt84603.html?highlight=

spot on imo, think ill be wiriting something similar in my PU journal (on ms word).

thanks

_________________
'You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.'

be positive.

Change these negative thoughts that make you feel traped and afraid into positive ones.

For example if you notice yourself thinking something about the furture that has a negative outcome try to reword the thought to have a positive outcome.

I have never seen a happy ending with oneitis, but I know if I continue to try I will learn more about myself, and the female gender. I have feelings and emotions that I don't understand, but if i continue to try, I will learn more about myself and others.

_________________
Walk Hard

Great Theory man. I think we've all been there. One thing that has helped me overcome this is genuinely not giving a fuck about any specific girl. This has helped my game immensely but at what cost? I don't want to be some 40 year old loser who is still out sarging I want to find a girl that's perfect for me. Like Wilt Chamberlain said (who claims to have slept with 20,000 girls) "I would rather sleep with one girl 20,000 times then with 20,000 girls once." My not giving a fuck about girls has lead to more one night stands and few week flings but I haven't been really emotionally connected with a girl in a while. If you have any thoughts or suggestions about this I'm always open.

oneitis isen't bad it's just dangerous
oneitis can well lead to a relationship which aint bad.
the dangerous part is that you want her so much your going to make serious afc mistakes.

I got a serious case of oneitis at the moment and to make sure i'm not going to make a stupid mistake like texting her something just to text her i removed her number from my phone and i got it somewere on my pc so that when i'm somewere and i'm bored i can't text her something stupid

_________________
don't take life to serious and enjoy what's comming to you,
you're never alone, love those who deserve to be,
and at last never judge and be your own unique self

Man, I can't recall how many times I've been in that situation. How I fixed this was to focus on her negative qualities and boom! I didn't get the girl in the end, but I've learned from my past mistakes.

Oneitis is more dangerous than anything. I have personally found that even after going through what was mentioned as the closing stage I float back into the beginning stages again.

Is there a happy ending? I have read unless you are an MPUA no there is not. I have personally hooked up with my oneitis, had her like me back and still not have a happy ending and I am in the same position as months ago (complicated situation but so are all oneitis cases). There is no doubt in my mind it is NOT worth it to worry about your oneitis if that is an option for you (translation do not let yourself get to that stage).

I think the worst thing about having a oneitis is that you cannot be yourself around them. You begin analyzing everything you say and everything you say is not what you mean. Using your PUA skills or even your normal social skills becomes so much harder. In effect you, the charming, cocky/funny, sexual, fun guy is no longer you.

There are ways around this but it is very hard to do (give yourself the "I dont give a fuck approach", give the girl the "cold shoulder", etc..) but like I said, it is not easy to do. I have been able to do it many times with a level of some sucess but obviously not complete sucess.

I am thinking of writing an article on oneitis, there are some good ones out there but I dont think they portray good enough stories nor describe actual field tested approaches to dealing with oneitis.

Good luck to all, hopefully you will hear from me soon.

-Attached is a link I take no credit for, Qlass wrote it a while ago, it is interesting and helpful. Hopefully if I make a new post it will add to this link and provide some more perspective on the matter.

a-guide-to-kicking-oneitis-vt33797.html

I feel that this post is pretty accurate to be honest. This is because I can relate to my own oneitis that I have at the moment. I'm on the final stage now and I really hope I can break loose - once and for all!

It really feels better now that somebody has put up a cycle/system that shows a step by step process of what I'm going through.

Congratulations, this was a good success!

Thanks,

Zentrode.

I look to the game by neil strauss about this. Whenever style says "I dont call girls bitches when i get rejected I blame myself and try to learn from my mistakes. In other words, we are the ones playing the game, not them. If we mess up its our fault because how can someone who's not playing be at fault?

Don't blame the salt if your food is too salty... blame the hand that shakes the shaker

yes it is rare, but it did happen to me and my current gf..she even told me that she wanted me to hu with other girls in the beginning because she didnt want me to get too clingy..so thats exactly what i did and made sure the girl was much hotter than her and she got extrememly jealous..and now were going out