This guide is the bullshit-free pool of knowledge. The red pill for the newbie, the next step for the intermediate and the cool read for the advanced who's bored at his job pretending to be working.
Go get yourself a treat, get comfy and enjoy.
You start with
The interaction. Before you text her, you need her number. Makes sense? Good. Not just that, but you gotta get it with a hint of style, because if your first impression is shit, you're already fighting an uphill battle.
The content of what you're communicating will be altered, to your advantage or not, by the personality you've portrayed. By who you are.
If you're a cheeky fun loving bastard, pretty much anything you text will be taken with a hint of humor. Which is more often than not a good thing.
On the other side of the spectrum, if your sense of humor is slightly better than the average lamp, don't be surprised if she doesn't get the racist joke you just attempted.
This is why the first impression has such resonance. The direction in which your future relationship with her, whichever that may be, will naturally lean towards is the one you set from the very beginning. So you'll either go with the positive flow, or pushing agianst the tides in an attempt to steer things on your desired path. Unless you're a masochist, you want the first option.
So you're on you way to the market to buy some oranges. And pineapples. Because you've heard people on the internet say that they make your sperm taste good. That’s not just me right?
Anyway, you see Scarlett Johansons' twin sister - or Moby Dick, whatever you're into - passing you by. Surely you can't just walk up to her and start using words, right? Yes, that's exactly what you're gonna do. Because for once in her life she should have the privilege of being properly approached by an artist. Or something.
PS: Grapefruit for her is the equivalent of Pineapple for you. Use that information however you see fit.
Now you have sex
Kidding. But you've stopped her. You effectively separated yourself from 50% of the male population that does not deserve to have their genes propagated. So what are you gonna ask?
You don't ask. You tell her exactly why you're there, how she looks half-cute and you how you wanna know her name. You're not there for directions, the time or the weather. That's what your smartphone is for. And you can't fuck your smartphone. I think.
What to say
This really isn't rocket science. Forget about scripted routines or magic lines you read about after violently masturbating 5 minutes ago. If you're anywhere over the mental age of 15, you should have some sort of idea about who you are, what you love and the things you stand for. So polarize. Show her that retarded sense of humor, your cheeky conversation skills or superb sarcasm. Everyone has their own style. Don't try to be something you're not. Don't just "be yourself" either, because if you're reading this guide there's a very high chance that yourself is not enough. Yet.
Instead, be the best version of yourself. And have fun with it. Yes, you actually do have to invest some time and effort in self-improvement. We'll get there later.
Dissapointed that I have no magic line so that you too can fuck a Victoria's Secret model tonight? Welcome to reality.
Ok, back to being cool. Drop small teases during the conversation. Example:
Oh I can see already see you're a princess. You probably sleep in pink furry pijamas don't you?
Don't say shit like that unless it's congruent with who you are. Use your own personality, not mine. But hey, now she has a pet name you can use in that initial text. Congrats, "who is this?" is now something you'll never have to come across ever again.
During the conversation, don't ask questions like you're interviewing her. Instead, make statements.
"What's your major?" should sound more like "You look like a doctor. I bet you have horrible handwritting".
Again, no gimmicks or routines. The reasons behind this are psychological. First off, 95% of dudes will just ask about the weather whenever they run out of things to say. Secondly, when you're making a statement you're implying some sort of assumption. If your guess is correct, she'll be intrigued as to how you figured it out. If you're wrong she'll still wanna know why you though she'll be sticking her finger up mens' asses for a living. Win-win.
And as an extra bonus, statements imply you're actually listening. Which you should be. That's how quality conversation happens.
Tonality is important but we won't go into details. Basically try speaking from your chest, not your throat/head. The latter is usually a sign of nervousness. That's not sexy. Apparently a deeper, masculine voice is. Who knew?
Also, take your time. Don't talk like Busta Rhymes raps.
Never ever in your life give her your number. Not even at gunpoint. Die like a man with your dignity intact. Unless it's an exchange. "Why don't you just give me your number?" is a female encryption for "I will never fuck you. Ever".
Examples of getting her number:
"A'right, (hand her your phone)"
"Ok, what's your number? I'll text you when we're hanging out"
"Give me your number"
"Put your number in. Save it under <girl with weird shoes>"
You can get cute with this, just remember there's a fine line between creatine and try-hard.
If she objects to any of these, offers her facebook/email/fax instead, there's only one valid response. You say:
"Ok how's this. You give me your number, I'll text you something (stupid/romantic/funny) and you can either reply to that ridiculously handsome guy you've met on the street and have beautiful babies together, or you can just delete the number and we won't ever meet again"
That's it. Whatever she says after that, take it at face value and leave.
Oh, by the way. Whenever she says she has a boyfriend, please stop taking in terms of "Challenge Accepted". Unless it's blatantly obvious she's trying to be cheeky, there's absolutely no reason to pursue her further. I don't, and neither should you, care if that's true or not. The words themselves are meaningless, the intention behind them are what counts. She either has a boyfriend and told you straight up, or she just lied to your face. Either way, intentions are the same. She isn't interested.
PS: I know you have a friend that knows a dude that has a bro who insisted and it worked. Some people win the lottery. That doesn't mean they know how to make money. It just means they got lucky.
How long do I wait to send the first text?
Here's a little secret. Instead of pretending to have an awesome busy life, actually work on building an awesome busy life. Forget about the 1 day 14 hours and 47 minute rule. There are no rules. I send the first text when I have time for a conversation and am not doing something more important. Like masturbating. Or having sex. With myself.
Just keep in mind that the longer you wait, the more that initial impact fades.
Should I take twice as long as her to reply?
No. People practically live on their smartphones these days. Again, forget about ancient rules that surfaced when the art of seduction was making it's first baby steps. We're in 2015, NASA is planning a Mars landing. Act like it.
Plus how the hell are you supposed to have a fun conversation when each party takes 45 minutes to reply?
Don't write a novel either. Texts are supposed to be concise, fun and light. Spark up some emotion, send her a funny picture. Whatever, just don't ask her how her days was or what she's up to. You don't care about that. And she knows.
She never initiates
Women are less invested in a man before they've had sex and more invested after. For us it's exactly the other way around. Let that sink in, accept it and move on. The only thing you gotta worry about is if she rarely ever replies, in which case you're probably being boring or she lost interest. Or both.
Plus, it's expected of you to be the leader. I know it soothes our egos when they do it, but many won't. They're just as human as you and me, and the idea of rejection terrifies them as well.
Grammar, spelling, emoji's, haha's
You ever seen an autocorrect joke? that shit actually exists. You need write 3 letters before your phone suggests what most likely is the word you were looking for. You have absolutely no excuse for poor grammar / improper spelling. Being an illiterate moron is not sexy. Being smart is. For both sexes.
The impact of a joke, innuendo or sarcastic comment will be greatly diminished by the use of emoji's. They're like a failsafe, there only to reduce the riskiness of what you've just said. It also reduces the value. It's not a good tradeoff. So use them as a means to express yourself, not as a means to play it safe.
I'm not even gonna get into the subject of "haha's" every other text. Don't do it, you look mentally retarded. I'm serious.