Hey guys,

Been a while since I've been here. So I've been dating this girl for a total of about 8 months. I'll make this a quick run down so I don't TLDR you.

basically story goes like this, I fight depression and I tend to act on how I feel. Throughout the relationship I've been good at handling it. Three weeks ago we started to argue a little. She does things that make me upset, such as walk away when I try to handle the situation, be rude to me when she has a bad day, and get mad over stupid shit. My handle started slipping and I made a huge mistake and lost my cool after she walked away again (because I unintentionally made her jealous), I took everything out of proportion and started to boss her around and be a total dick. We screamed at each other, and fought for two weeks.

In response she got really fed up and mad, basically started acting like we were gonna break up. I got real upset by this. I did thoroughly apologize on my half, but she still didn't act quite right. I began to act needy and insecure by always acting like a sad "puppy dog". Once I realized what I was doing I've been trying my best to SNAP OUT OF IT. After several "talks", we decided to move forward.

She said I'm "on probation". She wont touch me, talk sexy to me or have sex for that matter, or really try to spend much time together. I've been trying to handle this by trying my best not to act needy, and not make plans very often or call. I do slip up though, and probably too often.

Earlier this week I made it up to her by taking her out to the city. Starting off she didn't seem too excited but that changed. I got to break the news of getting an awesome job that is going to be paying me a lot. The night was awesome, had a blast and I was thinking we are finally moving on. She said that this is helping and did seem to act positive since then.

Today, we hit another bump. I tried to act like we have been before the fight. I tried being as excited as I could around her, and generally positive, she questioned it. I tried to hold her hand, but she wouldn't let me. I tried throwing in sexual innuendos to spice things up, and she responded by asking why I was so horny. I was left feeling shut down (could be my depressive mindset). Eventually she seemed to try to pick a petty argument with me about a shirt I was supposed to ask my friend about during the fight. I forgot because it had been a couple of weeks, she mentioned that she wanted me to ask so she would avoid a guy that liked her. Once I said I forgot, she immaturely said "It's okay, I'll just ask the boy that likes me". I kept my cool and calmly replied "No, I will ask my friend and get that shirt for you". Her immaturity has been an issue in the past. Since that last comment I fought the negative feeling, and got quiet. I'm not sure if I hid it well, but at the same time I think it was something I should feel upset about. Regardless I put on my poker face and tried to act normal. We parted ways for the day and I hung with friends.

My question is, how should I take this? Should I leave the relationship? If not how do I really get this stupid bump in the road a thing of the past and return to normal? How do I bring back that attraction I feel has been lost? No more "probation", because it's really draining me! Thanks in advance.

Every moment of your life is either a test or a celebration. The same is true about every moment with your woman, only doubly so. Not only is her simple existence a test for you, but one of her deepest pleasures in intimacy is testing you, and then feeling you are not moved off course by her challenge.

After reading this she sounds like one hell of a manipulative bitch. Saying that you're on probation implies she has the value and power in the relationship, at least currently and it's out you into a spiral of neediness. These things can be extremely hard to see when you're fogged by emotion.

The shit about her saying "I'll ask the boy who likes me" was not cool on her part, it was dumb and immature on her part. That warrants a freeze out. I would soft next her, you've tried hard to make amends and apologise and if she's too immature to allow for that then she can go and eat shit and you should go NC for a while. Don't put up with this, you don't need her, you just like having her as a part of your awesome life.

I appreciate this advice may be hard to follow when you're the one emotionally invested, but I felt angry on your behalf reading that. Yes, there are undoubtedly things you need to work on yourself, but she is not handling this in the way a loving and understanding partner does. If you accept someone's apology and forgive them, then that means you forgive them, you don't forget it, but you don't torment or manipulate them with it, that's emotionally immature.

Game some other girls and keep your options open.

To be honest, you tried to make her jealous and that drove her crazy. Women have a much stronger emotional response than men. You got angry when she said that she'll ask the guy who likes her, but I'm sure she burned from the inside when you tried to make her jealous and fought with her.

One thing you have to do is take more power or control here. She has no right to put you "on probation". She's starting to take control.

Cut connection with her and see how she reacts, act accordingly.

Thanks for the replies. I do agree with you all! Even my friends think she can be very manipulative. It's sometimes a tough thing to deal with but I can man handle it for the most part.

I'm not really sure on NC though, isn't communication important in a relationship? I mean I won't call her, but I won't ignore her either. Unless it truly does something to fix it, could you elaborate on how to go NC without making things worse?

What about my attitude when I'm with her? We have classes together at my university. Today I've been trying not to touch or really act too excited. She also made plans to see me tomorrow evening. So how should I be acting?

One more thing, would it be wise to confront her about this? Or just counter manipulate. I really am having a hard time with it because of my emotions.
Thanks again!

This is pretty much where I'd get the fuck up and leave.

I'm on no one's fucking probation , and no one's on fucking mine. What kind of self entitled as$hole even says something like that ? Who dafuq does she think she is ,rofl.




Just move on ma' friend. You said you're fighting depression right ? What the fuck do you think a poisonous relationship like this will do to you ?

Unless you're some kind of masochist and enjoy torturing yourself , get the fuck outta there. NOW.

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Thanks for the advice guys. I went NC but picked up when she got desperate. She decided to stop being stupid and we wound up having mind blowing sex last night. I am going to bring this up as an issue to her eventually so it doesn't happen again. She is a very insecure person, but I wanna work through it because the relationship can be pretty awesome! Thanks again