Hi,

A newbie here. The company I work in is huge (10K employees, lot many buildings) and I see pretty women all around and because I assume I am smart, I also assume they are smart as work in same office and would like to meet smart people. I am able to start conversation when there is some reason like standing in queue, waiting on a red light, something strikingly visible to comment. But when it comes to blatant cold approaches like approaching someone just walking by or someone talking to friends or walking up to a girl where I would like to go direct., I feel weird.

I feel that if I am doing something out of normal like mentioned, I need to go direct otherwise it would come out weird and creepy and girl will think either I am weak to not talk clearly or I am there for no reason.

But if I go direct, then it seems girl will think that this guy is approaching girl in office, which means he is not able to get girl outside office, which means he is pathetic. Girl can also think that this guy hits on everyone which I am okay with.

I am kind of decent social calibrated so I am sure that interaction would never lead to harassment, I know when to stop. I am not from USA but from India so I think that my current reasoning might not be valid in US and it might be okay to just approach, so wanted to check here. Also, I don't hit directly with girl I see on regular basis in office, which is very few number of girls, and indirect is a possibility there, so that is cool. What do you guys think?

So first of all - don't shit where you eat.

We've all been there and done it. It's a bad thing.

Why are you doing pickup in your office - where you could be fired or disciplined for breaking HR regulations, creating conflicts of interest, and just plain making things uncomfortable for yourself when things go south with a woman you work with?
Where did you hear this? That's horse shit.

Game outside work, dude.

I think he is looking for advice how to game outside of work because he feels its harder to find a common topic.

Even though he is shitting where he eats it may not be that bad being that he is working in a building of 10k as opposed to 100 so assuming the female isn't working in the same department as him he wouldn't come across her often.

I say go for it just socialize with them become friends it wouldn't hurt, but thats up to you if you want to go that step further with your coworkers. I personally don't care I game where ever and even when things didn't go well with my coworkers we we're able to maintain a professional relationship or at least not have an awkward vibe between each other.

LOL - that's not what I got from his post at all. I just re-read it... and I'm still not getting that, but there's a definite language barrier/translation thing happening here... so who knows.

Lol maybe I looked into it too much

lol.. finding a common topic with anyone is not a problem..

Awkward vibe will happen even if you pick up someone in your social circle and things didn't go well.. It just depends on how frequent will that happen. I think if you remove the possibility of harassment, conflict of interest(if you are socially calibrated and have common sense) then social circle gaming and workplace gaming becomes similar. Possibility of awkwardness is what I find almost everyone is worried about.

The reasons I think workplace/social-circle dating is a good idea not just for me but for anyone are following:

1. If its likely that you won't see the person again unless you ask for it, it should be fine to hit on them. This can happen only in big companies or remote social circles though. Going direct from get go is what I am still not convinced about here too.
2. For people we see on regular basis, using indirect and going direct/escalating when we know its already ON should be okay as there is already interest from the other side. Sometimes girl can lead herself where I find it hard not to reciprocate.
3. Because of social conditioning, people will usually be courteous and smiling which sometimes help if we are not in the flow.
4. Make sure workplace rules allow dating (mine does) and make sure friends don't get really offended when you do that in social circles. I haven't tried dating with a single girl I was introduced by my friends because I am not interested in relationship and I think girl would complain to them that their friend (me), bailed out on here after dating for 2-3 dates.

I have seen many times I am talking to a girl, indirect, and our conversation finishes because she has to go somewhere or her friends pulling her. I have noted that girl lingers around for 3-4 second looking at me to do something and take action and I didn't in the past which WAS awkward. So, I think that from now on in such cases, I will go for it.

So wait - you're actually ADVOCATING dating at work...

And further to that... You asked a question, answered it yourself, and then proclaimed you'll be moving forward with your own solution?

Glad we could help.

lol.. I thought more and found out that I was looking for answers on two questions.

1. Would the girl feel pathetic that I am hitting in office and will think thats because I am not getting girl outside office?
Ans: You said that's horseshit thought. I think I had this thought because after approaches outside, I haven't been able to pull the girl till the end though date and getting phone numbers is okay. Which also means that I have lot to improve and am working on that. I am hitting girls outside too.

2. Would it be okay to go direct in workplace?
Ans: The responses I got was that its not okay to even date, forget about going direct. But I see people around me dating all the time, some of my friends too but they didn't go direct. So what I got from the responses that I shouldn't go direct.

Now coming to the point of dating in workplace, I am not able to convince to not try that as I see other people trying that. I know many couples who met at my office and are in relationship/engaged/married now.

LOL this has got to be one of the most hilarious posts I've read ... What the heck is "direct" ?!

Direct: Clearly showing intent after which Girl will know you are interested in her sexually or romantically.