I dont believe you can help me if i dont give some background, so here it is:
Im 21 and i have aspergers syndrome (i know ive said it on the internet but fuck it). Its too complicated to explain in a post, so ill just sum it up: I cannot learn social cues/rules by myself. I have no social instinct. Everything that i can do socially needs to be taught to me by another person or a book.

But im NOT a rain man. Im way better than normal aspies (people with aspergers) because i constantly ask my friends about things and read communication books (How to win friends and influence, Conversationally speaking, Small Talk, Body Language by Allan Pease...). I am constantly getting better and slowly getting into "normal" levels of social expertise.


But a very serious problem i have is with girls. I am very analytic and not very empathic (not a sociopath though) which is a SERIOUS downside. So imagine my joy when ive heard there is an ANALYTIC approach to talking with women.


But im overwhelmed with all of what PUA has to offer. But after this post 8-things-puas-should-never-do-is-this-l ... 83498.html im not sure that what ill read (mystery, Neil Strauss) is viable.

As ive said before, i have no social instinct, so i cant make that judgment myself. I need someone with experience to help me know how to start.



While i am on the autistic spectrum, im perfectly positive i can learn and do everything a neurotypical (people not on the spectrum) can do. I have risen above expectations over and over again and i will do so again. I just need some guidance to know where to start, and to know what is BS and what is legit.

Keep in mind though that simply "going and trying" ISNT viable to me because like ive said, i cannnot learn things by myself (no social awareness) believe me when i say ive tried. What i need is to know principles and rules (with examples of course), follow them and gain some grasp of how it goes.


Another thing to remember is that NOTHING can come to me naturally. I can get the "flow" of an interaction, but its only possible when built on very specific rules. Whatever that goes through your head during an interaction - double that and thats me (not worrying or anxiety, but calculations).

Thanks in advance for help.

It's great you are taking positive steps to improving your potential for happiness

The reading materials are great, keep at them.

The next logical step I guess would be to find any local puma's (or hell anyone would be fine) just mention straight up that you are looking to improve your social skills and want feedback (asking straight up for constructive crit will help everyone feel bit more at ease) practise, learn from your mistakes and listen carefully to the crib you receive and work on it. Once you've gotten to this stage and you are getting better and better it's time to switch gear, start cold approaches, bring a wing if it helps. Approach everything and anything even if it's a set of just dudes it's good practise at making friends and this can lead to having more social presence/proof etc etc

Good luck!

As someone who knows a lot about aspergers syndrome, i would say this. Babystep it, dont expect immediate results take it piece by piece. dont rush to learn and try to get the end result straight away. all results are a good result if you learn to walk up to girl and open thats a result, opening a group thats a result . holding a conversation thats a result, even if the interaction goes badly if she tells you to go away believe it or not thats a result it means something's caused it to go badly so analysing why it happened means you can learn not to do that next time.
learning the steps piece by piece is better then then stuffing loads of information in your head on f-closing and hoping youll get laid at the weekend. think of it like learning to count from 1 to 10 if you say 1- 2- 3- 10 you miss out 4-5-6-7-8 and 9. you still have them numbers before you get to 10.

the problem is in pua land, guys sell you a lie on that you'll get laid the first night you go out if you read their material and its just not true.

_________________
life sucks and then you die! deal with it

Your situation sounds incredibly similar to mine Apickit. I also have Asperger. Much to my fortune, I've been observative and smart enough to mimic so much normal behavior that I'm practically indistinguishable from ordinary people.

"Being yourself" is kind of a laughable phrase for me when my entire mode of operating is learned behavior and a certain set of tactics that I've chosen to maintain like some self-made machine.

Still, I've begun to figure out that this still doesn't make me a hit with women. I'm simply not showing the behavior needed to get women interested and without the hook or slight opening that gives you into having some control over their relation with them, it's practically useless.

Seriously, I've tried a lot. Anyone here telling you "just keep trying"? I can safely state I've put in about a dozen more effort than them, the lucky gits.
I've now been trying to hire someone to give me in-field training, but as you can see from my post, there's been some problems finding someone I can rely on.


Best of luck. Really! Maybe you'll manage. Even people diagnosed with AS differ wildly and so might your results from mine.

Im actually surprised that two people in this thread have knowledge of the syndrome!

My reading material is:
Mystery method
The game
The style life change - Neil Strauss
The pick up artist by mystery

From your knowledge, is this list legit (i.e. no "bs people try to sell me")? Got any more recommendations? I know it seems like alot of cramming but as an aspie i require more angles and approaches about communication than normal people to understand something (while you may understand a thing by reading one communication book, i need 5 to explain it VERY well).

You will have to pardon my ignorance, but when you say you can't learn social queues and you don't have a social instinct, do you mean that you behave in a certain way (analytical) until you're taught otherwise by a book or a person?

And (this is the important part) when you're taught, can you maintain that knowledge, or do you fall back to instinct/analytical?

So much of pickup is 'games' and psychology... Which don't always make logical sense -- that's the problem...

And if you're able to train yourself to play the games, then you should be able to do this fine... If not, you may be stuck with analytical/logical thinking... (and not to say you can't make that work for you - it's just not exactly pickup).

Rest at ease mate. Even my parents cant fully grasp the subject and they know me forever.

Im always analytical, and actions that i dont think about alot (similar to instinct) are actually some kind of muscle memory - i just do it alot and it stays.

And yes, i can maintain that knowledge once its fragmented into routines and principles.

I can understand psychology. If the "games" have certain rules and principles i can follow, then i can understand them.

You can add another Aspie to this thread.

It's difficult for me to give advice because each aspie is different. Obviously you likely know that Aspergers, along with other learning disabilities are all lumped under the Austim Spectrum so there's obviously different kinds of functionality. Hell, even within the Aspie group there are different degrees of functionality. Myself, I am considered very high functioning, but I have ran into other aspies who are low functioning, but not enough low to be classed as full blown autism.

The advice above that I have quoted though I think is very true. I was very fortunate to have a cousin who is a natural at picking up women. The biggest take away from any advice that you find yourself is to surround yourself with successful people. If they are successful, you are also intrinsically successful. Keep learning and reading, but also APPLY the knowledge that you learn honestly, if it works, great! If not, discard it and try something else.

Other books I would read (in no order) are:

- David DeAngelo - Attraction is not a choice
- David DeAngelo - Double your Dating
- Wayne Elise - The juggler method --> This book in partiuclar will help any social anxiety issues but I reccomend you read it after DeAngelo's books to get a better understanding.

Any other questions, fire away or PM me.