in my circle of friends we have an ongoing argument/discussion about how to asess this correctly, views are completely polarized on this, it would be intersting to see what you guys think about this

start chatting with a girl over a internetdating profile website..we chat a few days, she tells me i am completely her type...we set up date nr.1 which takes place in my appartment, took place yesterday..before she comes she wants to be assured that we are dating in the sense of getting to know each other and not just a sexdate...i reassure her..she comes to my place, we chat for 4 hours, laugh a lot, she tellms me about herself, makes it very clear that she is keen on having a relationship with the right kinda guy, not interested in anything else..
at the end of the evening we kiss twice..we decide that we should see each other again end of next week, she suggests that i come over to her place, we sort of decide on a day, but nothing is finalized yet...

today i go online on a different dating website (not the one where we "met"/initated contact) and all of a sudden i see that she just has created a new profile there, with the same sexy pics like on the site where we met, her text in that profile making it clear that she is looking for a relationship).

the thing is that i metioned this dating site during our evening very briefly, she didnt know anything about it up to yesterday.

maybe its just me, but uf i am getting to know someone, i dont date parallel. obviously people have different perceptions on this. but the way way i see it, this goes beyond dating parallel, since a new profile has been created on an entirely new website and its not just being active on sites where you have been active previously. to me it comes across like the date wasnt that great and she already is looking elsewhere.

am i reading too much into this?

First, from the way you described the date, sounds like she's the "looking for a relationship" type, emphasis on "A RELATIONSHIP." Any guy will do. Don't get too attached to this type because her affection for you will be coming from a place where it's not really you she likes, but the potential relationship.

The date sounds ok, then again you never know. A possibility too, is that since you mentioned the other website she may have found you recently active there after your date and hence wrote you off or lowered her interest.

2 points:

- she isnt looking for "a" relationship, she seems genuinely interested in establishing one with the right guy. she doesnt go to clubs much, gets to know her guys online most of the time.

- our date was saturday, which was when i mentioned the website she formerly didnt know. the immediate day after (sunday) she had a profile there, so it had nothing to do with my activity on that website

You know how it's common practice for guys to try to stack up as many "options" as possible in case the woman they're most interested in doesn't work out? Women do the same thing. My best guess is that she just wants to keep her options open - not that she isn't interested in you. So give her a call tomorrow, finalize the day/time you're meeting, and try to forget this issue entirely because dwelling on it won't help anyone. Sounds like you're in a pretty good position already so keep riding the wave. Good luck.

i guess i have to accept that view, even if i cannot associate myself with it as i wouldnt act that given way , i.e = going through the hassle of creating aprofile after a successful date.

i cant call her given that i was the one who got in touch first online and was the one that set up the date. strictly speaking she never initiated contact by herself yet, both "strings" of contact (first lengthy convo online and date set up few days later) were established through me... tahts why i told her to set up next weeks date. so i will wait and see if she gets in touch, if she doesnt i will move on.

Here's the thing. You are the one to always initiate contact and decide on when you'll meet because you're the leader. You make the decisions around here and she follows - and I haven't met a woman yet who doesn't like that. Now, one small mistake you made is telling her to set up the next "date". This gives her the opportunity to forget about you, blow you off, give in to her inhibitions, etc. For all you know, she really likes you a lot but she's too nervous to do anything about it, even after you told her that the next date is basically contingent on whether or not she contacts you.

To work around that, you can give her a call later in the week and say something like "hey, you know how we were going to meet up at your place this weekend? I have a better idea. Let's do XXX (some fun as fuck activity) instead". That way it's not like you're going back on having her set things up and it's not needy. It's just a change of plans.

Ignore it, she's not obligated to you anymore than you are to her.

Keep gaming her, don't even sweat this it means nothing.

well, its one thing to make the calls, however another to be chasing someone. i was the one who got in touch online, after the lengthy chat i got in touch via phone texting, after that i got in touch again to set up the date. so so far she never initiated contact/never had the chance to. during the date i didnt say that she needs to set up the date, i just asked her to tell me when she is free this week, so we made abstract plans, which still need to be finalized. of course i could get in touch again, but i simply will not, as she needs to initiate contact/set something up if there is sufficien interest.

my experience tells me: if the girl has met you, you spend time together and there is real interest, she will get in touch, she will try to set something up if its her turn. everything else is chasing after someone that only has half baked interest.

Yes, the girls who actually DO get back to you are really interested. But it isn't chasing to set up something. As the guy above said, you're the leader, more so in the beginning stages. Guess what, you're the one who messaged her first, and number closed her first and set up the date. And you're going to be the one who keeps leading. You're going to have to make the move for the kiss first, you're going to have to pull your dick out first. From her view, you've put it in her court after the first date so you may not be interested. It's not chasing it's going for what you want and leading. This "I'll wait for her to contact me" is a woman's thing. Men lead. Women follow.

well, we had the kisses already. and i wouldnt even mind it so much to finalize the next date, if only if she had gotten in touch in the meantime..come on..a simple whatts app message just to say hello...but as long as there has been no initiative from her side, the ball is on her side of the court and may remain there if she doesnt pick it up, i am fine with that.

and to avoid misunderstandings: i havent told her to set up date 2, i suggested it and since we couldnt finalize it 100% yet due to her schedule, i dont think she needs an extra invitation to let it be known to me and whilst i do believe that society creates the impression of certain mandatory patterns, i do have to state that women differ and conventions become more blurry, it isnt all black and white. imagaine i was dating a guy- what would your advice be then? i think one should also see it from that viewpoint.

i amm also quite surprised that the majority here thinks the date went well- possible, but in terms of actions or lack thereof it actually points more into the other direction; she is looking for something serious and knows what she wants..she didnt mind the kisses and discussed my suggestio for date 2 out of politeness..since she didnt feel it or not enough and knew it wasnt leading anywhere she creates the profile on the dating website i mentioned. that sounds more plausible to me

This^

It's about how you frame it. If you believe that courting a woman is chasing, well chances are you'll have very few opportunities with women, at least they'll be short lived. Most women do want to be romanced, to some degree. If you frame that as CHASING then that's on you - you probably view it as such because you're doing this out of a feeling of neediness and obligation. I love doing things for a woman I'm interested in, I actually feel like I'm giving them the gift of my time and energy so it doesn't come out of a place of neediness. If you're chronically worried about looking needy, chances are it'll project through your behavior.

Well, you asked for advice, you got it, and then you argued with all of it and you're now back to square one. I guess we're done here.

i didnt want to come off as arguing, i just didnt agree, i appreciate different views even if i dont always agree with it 100%.

update: she just got in touch..she said she had a conversation on sunday that took her back in the past and it made her realize she wasnt ready for dating seriously again yet.

she did mention a guy she visited abroad autumn of last year but claimed there were things she didnt like so didnt fall in love, he did and now they are friends. he would be visiting her some time this summer just4fun.

well, i guess my gut instinct was right...well sort of...

guess the best is just to say its not a problem, i enjoyed the evening and wish her a nice week, or?

Play it cool if you want a crack at her. Act 'whatever' be understanding and schedule another date.

i definitely will play it as "whatever"/no prob....but why on earth schedule another date? she just said she doesnt want to/cant date...so i was actually planning on wishing her a nice week and keeping it open

i really dont want to date someone who hasnt reseolved the past, it always ends up in a mess