== This is a question on how to approach being separated and how to start up a relationship. I have searched here but no real answer. I also have read this is the forum in which to ask questions like this. ==

I'm technically married, but for all intent, not. Separated, not divorced, for well over a year now after the woman 'kicked me out' based on her losing love for me. She says she gave up on our marriage three years earlier.

That said, I picked up and met this fantastic woman New Years Eve. No, she's not 'the one' -- at least at this point. Got her number and had all intent on taking her back to the hotel for a little S&T, but she went home with her two friends. Later that night I [texted] her for her last name to put in my contacts, and she asked me if I was married. I had to say legally yes. That might be a deal breaker with her for going out or moving forward.

I'm a flirt, have been active in PU (Confidence, confidence, confidence). I know that I'm not 'cheating' as my marriage is basically dead in all respects short of the law. Divorce is only a vehicle to allow for division of marital assets, establish child support and alimony, prevention of polygamy, etc.

What I want to know is are there any separated men out there who are active in PU and how do [you] work around 'being separated' in regards to starting a relationship with someone? NOT one offs. I mean possible long(er) term relationships.

Thanks guys.

_________________
Thanks,

WGY

"Do you have some good openers for Chinese girls?"
"They usually don't need an opener. Most of them are the pull-tab kind."

Don't GAF, just DGAF (think about it)

Fear is the mind killer. Anger is the mood killer.

im young and never been married or anything but seems all you can do is either lie or tell the truth, but its best to tell the truth but insure her that the marriage is dead

_________________
"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know."-Alfie

Seems like you've got some guilt about it. When I separated from my ex of 10 years, the fact that I was separated had no effect on my pick up. Why should it? It's nobody's business but my own and I didn't walk around with an advertisement banner on my shirt that said, "Ask me about my past relationship."

Thanks to both above. I intend on being honest all the way. I'm on the hunt and am willing to do certain things, but i'm no liar. So yes, i want to be honest with her and explain where i am.

Pokee, no, no guilt. I'm cool. She asked and i need to address it with her. I need to know how the most effective way to open the conversation up to her.

_________________
Thanks,

WGY

"Do you have some good openers for Chinese girls?"
"They usually don't need an opener. Most of them are the pull-tab kind."

Don't GAF, just DGAF (think about it)

Fear is the mind killer. Anger is the mood killer.

never been maried but heres my two cent,

''Are you married'' answer either ''used to be'' or ''not anymore'' either together or seperate and try have a neutral expression when answering, not giving the impression of bitterness or flippancy. that way you are telling the truth while at the same time giving the message that your past marriage is over and you are single.

I like that. Again, truthful and not misleading, but not in a committed relationship.

_________________
Thanks,

WGY

"Do you have some good openers for Chinese girls?"
"They usually don't need an opener. Most of them are the pull-tab kind."

Don't GAF, just DGAF (think about it)

Fear is the mind killer. Anger is the mood killer.

You're just getting out of one fucked up relationship... My advice would be to not jump too quickly into another one. Play around for a bit man.. You don't need a "girlfriend" when you can have several of them. Enjoy being single for a while.

I'm divorced, but did some pick up when separated (separation lasted about 1.5 yrs).

I played around with responses to 'are you married?' during that time and I found "separated for a while now" and simply "separated" without looking apologetic or like you're doing anything wrong (cause you aren't...)

I never advertised my status, and the truth is very few women actually asked - I wasn't wearing a ring and didn't have kids or baggage. If it ever progressed beyond a couple dates I'd tell her about it cause really they probably deserve to know at that point... Reactions were always positive - but that may have just been lucky.

To echo the statements of other posters - if you just simply casually date, test the waters and have fun, this may never be an issue for you - as you may never get serious enough for them to ask about it (your current example/question is an exception of course).

Good luck - gets easier.

Dude. See this is what I needed to know (good, bad, or otherwise).

I'm calling her today, going to ask her for coffee and see if she's open to at least going out. If she really has a problem with the word 'still married' or 'separated' then I will know. No harm no foul.

We did have some serious New Years tongue action going on so that right there should be a plus to her. We danced and made out a while a few times.

Thanks Charles

_________________
Thanks,

WGY

"Do you have some good openers for Chinese girls?"
"They usually don't need an opener. Most of them are the pull-tab kind."

Don't GAF, just DGAF (think about it)

Fear is the mind killer. Anger is the mood killer.

If what you say is true, you are effectively "not married", I wouldn't even worry much about it one way or the other. You can tell the truth or not, I don't think it will matter.

_________________
http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...

Heh, well as sad as it is, it is the truth about my prior life (being married and how we turned out).

Grazi!

_________________
Thanks,

WGY

"Do you have some good openers for Chinese girls?"
"They usually don't need an opener. Most of them are the pull-tab kind."

Don't GAF, just DGAF (think about it)

Fear is the mind killer. Anger is the mood killer.

I'd suggest gaming some girls at this point. I don't know about marriage because I'm still young, but I'm considering it's a relationship where it's "not supposed" to end. I've been committed before and breaking up wasn't that easy. The only way I managed to recover was by fooling around with tons of other girls. Just go out and have fun...Flirt, kiss, get laid. Don't limit your options to one or two girls, because enough is never enough.

If the question "are you married?" pops up again, you can just say "it's complicated". Then you can go on by opening to the girl. This helps her open up too you know. So it's a win-win.