Hey, guys. I'm not strictly a noob, but it's a long time since I've been here and I forgot my username. Anyway, I'm back, still and AFC in an AFC situation, with AFC questions. I can't afford to shell out for workshops and in any case I'm not looking to sleep with 6 girls a qeek, but you lot have certain skills which hopefully I can call on.

So here's the situation. I met this girl, we'll call her X, a few weeks ago at a party. I FB'd her the next day and we've been chatting ever since.

Problem: although every conversation went amazingly, and we chat all day some days, and there were clear IOIs and flirting, I noticed that when I actually tried to pin her down to meet up, there was always some excuse, sometimes a very bad one, or she didn't feel like it.

This week she came to a pub quiz I invited her and her friend to, but she sat the whole night barely talking to anyone and looking miserable. I completely failed to.seperate her from her friend, or talk to her meaningfully.

I literally bashed my head against a wall when she left early.

So, I thought, okay, I've been in this situation. Clearly I misread the signs, she's not interested. No point asking you guys, cos you'd come back with the obvious: if she avoids meeting up, she's not interested. Move on, don't get oneitis for a girl who isn't into you.

But all the girl friends I discussed it with told me, 'no, don't give in yet, she may just be cautious, she's clearly into you'. She's a shy girl. And that was still my instinct, even on careful watch for wishful thinking/false hope. I don't wanna be the guy who can't take a hint.

So tonight I finally found the 'reason'. She dated a guy for three years who cheated on her all over the place.

She said they "only" broke up a couple of months ago, so "I hope you understand why I've not been feeling great".

I apologised "if I've been difficult", said we'd talk soon, and now I'm going to give her some space for a few days, leave her to contact me.

This is for me as much as her. I'm serious about this, and I need strategies that will work. I searched this site and others for "how to get a girl on the rebound" but most articles/posts assume it's soon after the breakup and the girl is out for fun and guilt free sex. She's clearly not.

What I know is that like hell does she need space - she needs a guy to come along and make her forget her ex. There's no reason I shouldn't be that guy, if I'm properly armed.

What I want to know, is how I can get into her comfort zone. How can I persuade her to go somewhere with her one-on-one, without triggering her 'he wants to get in my pants' defences... and without having to give her a speech about how I realise she's going through a bad time, and I'm prepared to take things slow, at her pace, not rush into anything that will scare her.

Because my only option as I see it this second, is to give her that speech. Which will totally imply that I'm thinking long term, scary commitment, despite the words themselves... but also maybe that I'm in it for commitment-free sex, which would also put her off. It's lose-lose.

How do I get her alone, get her defences down, and make her mine?

This is a hard one that'll take a long time to get to.

My solution if you really wanna bang her? You need to build rapport. Lots of it. You have to make her seem like she's special, but not devalue yourself in the process, which can be difficult, but it can be done. Don't approach sexually yet. But don't be a pussy. Let her know that you have the balls to fuck her right there and then, but decide not to. Know when to strike, so prepare to be patient with this.

A tiger doesn't get it's prey by simply striking it. It lets it get comfortable around its presence. Then when the time is right, he goes in for the kill and gets it every time.

If you're gonna hump/dump, I suggest letting her down easy.

Okay, this sounds good. Build rapport, build trust, but don't be a chump and get friendzoned. Any specifics? I mean, presumably continuing to flirt and be sexual is enough, specially if she's responding, but on the tail of her 'revelation' might come across as ignoring.her.concerns.

And no, absolutely no hump and dump. Those are too messy. I did it to some girl at uni last year (I was her first time and dumped her a week later, rather than lead her on more, as she was getting right clingy, right fast) and never have I felt so guilty. I'm a one-woman, long term, slow drivin' guy from now on. Leave them better than you found them, and all. Don't be evil.