The meaning of me

"Who am I, what am I, everyone sees me different than what I see myself to be. Instead of asking myself who I am. I should ask myself who I want to be"

But first I wanted to polish u my skills. I searched over the net for info and videos about picking up girls. I came across simplepickup from there I came across Justin Wayne and eventually at video's learning the way of pua. Then I googled it and came across communities where of I didn't know they existed. I came into a new world. Knowing that It would change my life. I wanted to become a pua.

Pua. Words I never heard of before a couple weeks earlier. I always wanted to be better with girls. I didn't want to be scared to talk to strange girls who I liked. I wanted be myself around girls. Saying what I thought, standing up for what I believe, just being myself. I am still young, i'm 17, 18 in a few weeks. So I have lots of time left. But time is subjective and objective. A minute is a minute. But for me that minute could feel like only 10 seconds. Just like these past years flew by as if only days have past. I knew that I couldn't hold myself back in the world. I want to find the "one". I want to live. I want girls. I want to have success. But you need one to have the other. In my eyes pua can change someone's live for the better or worse. Pua will change my life but it's me who decides in wich way.

But before changing yourself you have to acknowledge who you are before you can become who you want to be. I'll shall go by my pua name Icy in for the rest of the diary. I'm almost 18, doing my best in fulfilling my life-dream of becoming a dokter, I like gaming, I like playing soccer and basketball, I am pretty smart, got a lot of friends, loving parents who I fight with constantly. In my life I've gotten to know a lot of women. Already kissed multiple girls, last summer almost lost my virginity. My last girlfriend was 2 years ago. I have a ego, that works pretty weird. I know what i'm capable of but couldn't seem to show it. I was insecure, I was weird. Most of the girls I went after ended with "LJBF". I had a girl a year or so ago who I thought was the "one". I was the overly "nice" guy. Even though i'm never really that nice. I want to change and talk to girls, attract them, close them and in the end find the "one". It doesn't matter how much girls I gotta get or find.

I bought "the game", "Introducing to nlp" and planning to buy other books and started reading theories on the internet and when I read the book I came to realization of what being a pua meant in my eyes. Like Style said in his book "the game". We use routines, lines, openers, to come over as attractive to a girl, but in the end if you don't have a lifestyle to back it up then your just a facade. By having an attractive lifestyle it's natural to achieve attractiveness by it and that will help your game. That's why I will better my life not just my skills. To truly become an pua or even an master pua. I want to have the life I always wanted.

That's why I made long term goals:
- I will achieve my dream of becoming a docter.
- I will travel the world
- I will join Doctors Without Borders
- I will open my own clinic
- I will get a fit body of my liking
- I will live healthy and eat healthy
- Don't drink any alcohol anymore
- Find the "one"
- Help people
- Being attractive to girls and being able to close a girl
- Always be happy with who I am
- Just be myself
- Don't have regrets.
- Specialize in social psychology
- Stop fighting with my parents
- In the end getting the life I wanted.

I will make short terms goals which will help me with my long-term goals.

Short-term goals:
- open girls
- Pass this year at school
- getting over my AA
- Buy books about psychology (and read them)
- Fitness
- watch my eating regiment
- work on my inner game.

I will make more goals along the way.
I will become an pua and will better my life. I will become someone I want to be. I'll become my better self. With this diary I can work on myself and tell people about the mistake I've made and are gonna make. Hopefully they will learn from my experience as will I.

More following....

_____
Icy

The first step

"Rome was not built in a day nor did Mike Tyson turned in a professional boxer by night. Progress can be made, if only you dare to take the first step to change"

The first step is taken and I feel that progress is coming. I've been studying the book "the game" and the basics of inner game and outer game of the pua forum. Though I haven't started opening yet, I can see changes in my game. Especially my inner game. I've been focusing on body language and eye contact with women and for me it's working like a charm.

I'll give an example. We had to do an assignment at school. We had to group with another class member and practice conversations where an conflict is involved between you and the patient. I grouped up with another girl and we practiced but after 3,4 minutes we gave up cause we found the assignment boring. I then started the conversations to practice the theory I learned.

It went as follow:

Me: I find this assignment boring, if someone would be late I wouldn't give a fuck.
Her: yeah me too, what does it matter.
Me: cool that you think the same.
Her: yeah, haha. I prefer to avoid a fight cause in the end it only causes problem.
Me: oh why do you say that?
Her: ah cause I had a conflict recently.
Me: oh, that sucks (in a half-interested manner to keep my cool.)
Her: yeah, he owes me money but I told him to keep it. Cause I know he will never pay me back. I just want to forget him.
Me: ow, it's about your ex isn't it?
Her: yeah, haha (laughs)
Me: hmm, cool (sarcastically)
She laughs and then continues
Her: I cleaned his room, I washed the dishes in his appartement. I did all that.
Me: Damn, that sounds great, are you for hire?
Her: haha, yeah after all that he breaks up, ah yeah.
Me: It's his lost after all there are more fish in the sea, even though not all of them are great so as me (bit cocky-funny)
Her: haha, yeah you're right.
(First ioi, begins playing with her hair)
Me:You're different.
Her: really?
Me: yeah.
Her: why?
Me: your nose wiggles every time you laugh it's really adorable, haha.
Her: haha (laughs, second ioi, begins to rearrange her skirt.)
Me: I just smiled.
Her: Ah I wished it was vacation... bla... bla.
Me: me too (than started dhv story) for me the summer represents life, spring represents the beginning of life. In summer life comes to it's peak. I love the summer cause there is more love. People go outside, they barbecue, they're together. Summer is love and being together.

She ate it up.
3rd ioi. long gazing, beginning to show puppy eyes, licking her lips, tutting her lips.
She was ready to be kissed.
But as we are in school, I couldn't do it. It wouldn't be appropriate.

Now I get it that by showing interest and desinteresse (push-pull). It opens up the girl and gets her attracted to you. The theory of the game worked great. She was giving alot of ioi's. She was playing so much with her hair to get my attention, that at the end it looked like a hurricane raised to her hair.

looking at my short goals.
Short-term goals:
- open girls
- Pass this year at school
- getting over my AA
- Buy books about psychology (and read them)
- Fitness
- watch my eating regiment
- work on my inner game.
- getting a new job
- start volunteering
- Visit 3 different (major-)towns in the country

I'm hard on my way with the last short goal and even with my long term goals. I will go on with my goals and succeed at them. I even added a knew short goal.

I learned, I practiced, I used, I saw success. Pua is showing his success. This was a girl in my class during a class assignment. I've seen the power of pua. Now it's only matter of time before I can use it on girls I don't know. Soon I will get over my AA i hope and open up girls. How to start I do not yet know, but I will soon.

_____
Icy

To be continued....

As you can see I haven't posted this week. Was to crowded with work and school. I'll post tomorrow about how today went. Till then.

Icy

I'm a bit ashamed that I didn't post earlier. I will post tomorrow or today about my progress. In the last 2 weeks I learned, did and achieved a lot and soon I will post about it all.

Icy

Applying in real Life

We can read books, watch operations on tv, write about it. If we never really have done an operation our self. Can we call ourselves then an chirurg.

The last couple of weeks I've really been studying pua and really been diving in the literature. I know the theory of some routines. I've been studying openers, closers, esp-routines. But never really applied them. I know this. Even though I mostly focus on inner game, I know that I have to improve my outer game. That's what I have been doing lately. I said that I was going to open a girl. I prepared myself to it and I did it. But before I went to do it, I did different things. This is the progress I've made a few days ago. I went from aa to opening and number closing in 5 min. This is how it went.

Day 1:

I woke up. Had school at 12 so I thought nice. I went to bed late and overslept. Was rushing, nearly missing the train. That's when I got a text from an friend. He's my best friend. I know him for 10 years or so and before I started with pua, I went sarging with him a lot. Although we didn't call it sarging back then. He asked me to hang out. So I got in the train. Heading to his city, when in the train. A girl came sitting next to me. She smiled at me (ioi), I smiled back. During the trip I caught her looking at me multiple times. I wanted to open her. But couldn't, my aa overtook me. I said to myself that I would open her if see would get out at the same station as me. When I think about it I realize that it was just me making excuses to not open her. But as I had wished she stepped out at the same station as me. But before I could say anything she ran way. She had to catch her train I suspect. I thought "ah that sucked". Even though it didn't really affect me. I saw my friend and we walked to his house. It's a 15-20 min walk through the centrum of the city. So we came by a lot of girls. When walking I realized the "newbie mission". Without thinking about it I smiled and said hello to a girl passing by. She looked at my and smiled back saying hi. I thought "wow". It doesn't matter who you are. People really like it when you say hi. That moment changed my aa without me even knowing it. During the trip we came by chicks. I was determined to open a 2-set. I started walking towards them but took to long. Change missed and so it went on the whole time. The rest of the time we didn't came upon chicks so im gonna fast foward to day 2.

Day 2.

Ah after 2 hard days of school. I had a long weekend. Me and classmates ( I'm currently doing a study to be a nurse, so it was 3 girls and 1 guy who we're going with me) we're going out. They came in my house to drink in before we went. I had to buy oil cause I wanted to make omelets in the morning but forgot to buy oil. So me and the other guy from my class went to the store. We talked and shit. We we're paying our products I noticed a cute girl standing behind us in line. She said something when we were talking with a guy in front of us. I and the guy went outside and said that, that girl was cute. He said "yeah you're right". On impulse I walked back towards the girl. She was walking home. I know mystery said in his series "the pick-up artist" that opening a walking girl/set during day game is one the hardest thing to do. So I was pretty scared about what would happen. I did my best not to think about it, but to hold my grounds. Be an alpha male, walk like one, talk like one, be one. So I yelled at her this: hey, hey girl. She looked back. I held my composure and signaled with my fingers that she should come to me. She actually stopped walking and started walking towards us. I used the cashmere sweater-opener from style. That was the first opener that came into my mind. It went like this.

Me: Hey, I got to ask you a question.
Her: oh, really?
Me: Yes, me and my friend here had a discussion and we wanted a female opinion about it.
Her: oke, what is it?
Me: So, we have a friend that is currently in a relationship with this girl for about 6 months now. He's planning to give his girlfriend an cashmere sweater as gift. My friend here finds it a great idea. I on the other hand disagree with it. What is you're opinion about it?

She then went asking about what he has given her before. I said a stuffed animal that I won during a carnival. She laughed and said that he better should give a necklace. I proceeded then with another question. I asked her what a good place was to go out in the city, she answered and I said, oh I'll see you there then?

She: no it's dangerous if I go.
Me: oh so you're a bad girl.
She: *giggles* no I'm not allowed to go out.

I then said oh you're 14 laughing, trying to be cocky-funny. She laughed about it. A bit shocked, haha. Told she was 16. Then I cold-read her. Said ah you can't go out because of your parents. She said yes. Ah you come from morocco don't you? She said yes, wow how do you know? I said I just got that vibe. She laughed. I asked what she's was gonna do and if she would like to go with us to *...insert place here* she said no, cause she had film night with her friends. We parted our ways. I thought a damn I should've number closed. I walked back said to here to give her number. I did it like this.

Me: Give me your number. If we get lost in this city we call you to get us, haha.
She: *laughing* haha, oke. Send me a SPAM later.
Me: Ok, maybe I'll will.

We then really parted us way. My friend was really impressed, saying that he would never be able to do what I did and bla bla. I was really pumped up to go out and open up more girls with him as wing-man. but he drank to much so the whole night. I had to carry him around until his mother came picking him up.

At the end I learned and opened up my first girl/set. It went smooth. No akward silences and I held my posture. I was the alpha male I was so happy. I've seen what I can achieve and now I only want to open up more sets. I'm gonna try to do some alone sarging to. So more field reports will follow. Tomorrow I will post the field report of the morning after and the day 2 with the girl I planned.

_________________

Icy

Inventing New Stuff

'rehearsing theorie & techniques is fine but making your own and applying them in practice, thats what makes you better'.

I haven’t updated my field report lately due to school and private reasons. I’m focusing more on pua now and wanted to talk about my latest day out that happened a time ago.

This was the first time, I went nightgaming and also the first time I went sarging with a wingman. Lately I'm really noticing change. At first I was too scared to talk to girls. Not really scared. I was scared of approaching random girls on my own. Lately I don't have problems with that anymore. Last week a girl even opened me. I feel really great but not great enough. I'm at the point that I can open and hold a conversation most of the time. I'm mostly focussing on the basics opening, dhv, rapport and all that. Now I gotta work on escalating and closing. First I want to tell you how my first day of nightgaming went.

Goals
My goal was opening at least 2 sets.
Number close at least once

The night out
When we went out. I was a bit down at the beginning, mostly because I wasn't really ready to go out and because of the fact that when we were on our way to the busstop, my wingman had to puke because of the amount of alcohol he drank.

I don't drink so I didn't had that problem that evening. We were on a bad start. We went sarging in eindhoven. When we we're there. My primary focus was getting pumped up to party. I did that by dancing and all that. My friend was very focused on opening and seeing how I developed in pua. I felt a bit under pressure and my aa started to kick up. Then I realised that I shouldn't be focused on opening but on having fun opening will then come naturally. I did that and what do you think, in the next 5 minutes I opened a set, I asked where the best party's are in eindhoven although I already knew that. They didn't seem interessed, I left after there response cause I was only trying to get myself pumped up. Wich after that I succeeded in.

Happy about that (although it wasn't really something great to be happy about). Me and my friend went outside to sit on a bench and relaxed. I noticed a set sitting right across on a bench a bit further away. I wanted to open but at that time a few girls came over to us and opened us. They began by asking if we had to 2 euro for them cause she needed it for drinks and it was here birthday and all that. I responded by saying no I don't give money to random girls. We then started an conversation. They kept asking but I held my frame. After a bit of teasing and negging, we were past the hook point. The birthday girl left and 1 girl stayed and sat with us after a few minutes a guy sitting behind us started having an argument with the girl. He told her this and i quot 'suck my dick and I'll give you 5 euro even'. The girl was very angry about that. He insulted a friend of hers. The guy left after we meddled in. Think he was a bit intimidated cause it was 2 vs 1. We continued the conversation and after a few minutes she left cause of an emergency with her friends. One of them was puking and another disappeared.

I told my friend I wanted to open the set that was across us. We walked towards them as we were walking they stood up and went to their bikes. We nonchalantly walked by and pretending to not notice them. As we stood by an fence I felt like my chance was slipping away from me. I told my friend to wait there and I went in. I used the jealous girlfriend opener. They responded really great. I went then over to the best-friends routine. From there on the conversation went of his own. At one moment one of the girl mentioned that she was bi but had boyfriend. The other one was Single and the better looking one of the two. Blonde6 and Brunette 8. During the conversation I held my composure and showed them the willingness to walk away. They both showed me a lot of ioi’s and started touching me. I saw that as a signal to bounce the girls and starting kino escalation. But my friend (who entered the conversation later on cause the girls felt sorry for him that he was missing out of the fun) he started saying that the girls should head home in case their parents we’re worried and all. I tried to talk them out of it but he didn’t get the hint. He was being very ignorant and the worst wing I had in a long time. But I forgave him haha. We talking about wich school they went trough, what girls do on their school, how their group is, etc. After awhile one of them had to go home. So they left. The rest of the night I opened a few sets and just had fun dancing and all. We didn’t do much more.

Reflection:
- I learned that it’s not what you say that counts but how you say it. We talked about really random shit but still had fun.
- I went the intent of having fun and the rest didn’t matter. Later on a girl mentioned that she could feel the playful, fun energy I was sending out apparently haha.
- Your composure and the confidence is the most important. Whenever I pretended to go away the girls literally screamed that I shouldn’t go away and that they wanted to continue the fun conversation.
- Keep focusing on having a good bsc (basic social comfort). We started with a little small talk but the key notice in the conversation was that we talked about deeper stuff than where we live etc. During the conversation they told me that they really trusted me. Even when we we’re separated in two conversations they both kept watching me and smiling to me keeping eye-contact.

Goals for next time:
- focusing on starting escalation sooner.
- working on the transition from opener to rapport
- Better myself in natural game.

___________

Icy