Situation:
She got out of a 4 year relationship. Wants to be single for a while to heal. She's not an easy girl and only sleeps with guys she has feelings for. She's the 'ungamable' type so to speak. I've known her years and liked her for a long time. We recently started sleeping together. Very comfortable with each other. Talk about 'what if's' for if we were in a relationship. Happy with each other, mild public display, loyal to each other.

It's almost a relationship, but she doesn't want that commitment aspect until she finds the independence she is looking for. She doesn't want to indulge so deeply in the emotional roller coaster of a relationship just yet. I've asked her out a few times because it's not a big deal for us to talk about things like that. She plays with rejecting me, but always reassures me that she likes me.

I know being patient is all I can do because she needs to heal on her own while feeding off of my strength and being there for her. We have hungout together for 7 straight days, I've gone to school with her, we chat for 8-15 hours on video on SPAM.. I feel like we're really into each other, but she holds back so she can find that independent stability. She was very dependent in the past and wants to grow and mature.

We have mutually established that I'm not a rebound and that I am possibly the next phase of her life.

As I just mentioned, I know my role is to play a patience game. But as a business person, I know the importance of having a success system and not relying on simply playing it by ear. Does anyone have any tips on specific behaviours I could employ to help build a strong, supportive foundation to lead into a relationship in the coming months?

Tips, advice, experiences, etc.. hugely appreciated!

Have a good one!
-Z

So wait... you hang out every day, chat for long periods on SPAM, and have sex? You are not fuck buddies.

Even if she doesn't want to verbalize it, you both are acting like a couple. Just go with it if thats what you want.

_________________
Never get broken up with again: the-addiction-formula-never-get-broken- ... 88794.html

That's a good point. She's not 100% behaving like a couple, she holds back sometimes. Like if I feel insecure or something, she specifically says she doesn't want to deal with things like that, she just wants to enjoy her life. She doesn't want to take care of anyone. I'm not at all saying I want to be in a relationship with her for that aspect, but because of that aspect, it shows she isn't interested in a relationship.

What things I could do or learn to make her really want me more and want to verbalize things and make them official? Or more importantly, what things should I not do? Should I talk less or more about feelings? Should I be less or more cuddly, kissy, hand holding, etc. What if I held back on sex? Or pushed for more of it? Gifts? Being sweet to her? (sometimes 'relationship' things gets overbearing for her; like telling her I like her-so that I obviously won't be doing anymore).

Heh i was in your shoes about a year ago, but i didnt even try to get into a relationship...

She came out of a fucked up relationship of 2 years and was heartbroken... she met me 3 months later... We fucked around for 3 or 4 months before she asked if we were official.... i honestly wasnt even thinking about it before i got to know her a bit more... From what i can remember what i did was keep it reaaal alpha

. I was never needy in any way shape or form, i actually pushed her away a couple times because i didnt really care... never told her to call me, never asked if she needed a ride home.... nothing. I remember her telling me "you seem like the perfect guy, your funny, your not needy, blah blah blah".

. I never pushed for a relationship, i just kept it real good in bed and always made her laugh.

. Im not sure of this, but i remember when we first started i told her not to fall in love with me... and i think by doing so it actually made her want me more.... i know right.. females.

Basically what i learned from transitioning from FWB to a relatioship, you have to not show that your too eager to get into one in the first place. Have a great time with her, fuck her good, make her laugh her ass off, show alpha attributes, and dont show that you care too much. My girl is 8 years older then me, swore she'd never date a guy outside her culture and never thought she'd sleep with someone so quickly. I broke through all those barriers without hardly even trying..... Give these things a try and most likely she'll be the one asking YOU for an exclusive relationship...

Good luck

Just saw this post now... Dont verbalize being exclusive, dont talk about your feelings, less cuddling, kissing and holding hands.... but have as much great sex as you can... try to make her orgasm multiple times every time.... no gifts and dont be mean but dont be too sweet either. Slowly start introducing these things one by one when you can clearly tell shes falling for you..... at least this is what worked for me.

You are already in a relationship, but it is lopsided: you are fulfilling her emotional needs, but she is not fulfilling yours. This is unhealthy and can only end in pain for you. So simply stop doing it. Log off from SPAM when she wants to talk about her day, switch to a shallow subject when things get personal, never tell her how you feel again (other than horny or completely satisfied). Downgrade her completely to a fuckbuddy and start talking to other women. Two things can happen:
1. She's fine with it. There will be no relationship, continue to fuck if you like, but move on.
2. She gets jealous and frustrated with your emotional distance. Tell her that you want a relationship in which your emotional needs are also met. If she is unable provide this (because she is not emotionally mature or some other bullshit), then you will move on to a woman who can. She'll come around very quickly.

_________________
One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

You are already in a relationship(without the fancy title), but what you are doing with your outcome dependency and kind of neediness(i can tell by the post) you are fucking up the scale of investment(you are a little bit too invested), keep sleeping with her, stop being needy, and pushing for an outcome... I would also do my own thing, and maybe have another forward on the side or 2, till this girl is completely proven... I will warn you she was 4 years in a long relationship, it takes a while to move on, and she may even want a bit of freedom and play the field, give her a bit of space and let her do her own thing a bit. Also watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio

_________________
Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
http://www.dancefloorseduction.com

Dancefloor/Club game youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/dancefloorseduction

Im in a very similar position to you. Ive been friends with her for years, best friends the past 2 years, and 6 months ago she just came out of a 2 year relationship and wants to play the field. Recently we started fucking, and when we're together its as if we're a couple. Yet I know she's sleeping with other guys and she knows I have at least 1 fuck buddy. I dont let it bother me at all that she sleeps with other men because I know she likes me a lot more than them, and also because Im fucking other girls. I care about her more than I do about other girls, but still. I make her laugh and unlike every other guy, I dont put her on a pedestal. We live in different cities and see each other once every 3 weeks (due to my busy schedule).

You see your girl a lot more so you actually have a chance at a proper relationship. Keep doing what you're doing, but take a step back. Treat her EXACTLY the same as when you were just friends, but add sexual escalation, and fuck her.

But remember, she HAS to be the one to suggest a relationship, not you. So have fun with her, but go sarge, pick up a hobbie (gym, football, w/e. I'd prefer a sport as this will help you get women, but its your choice). study, fuck other women, and be slightly less available. Make her work for it. She'll see that while you still care about her, she doesn't get as much attention as she used to. She'll be more attracted to you and the chances that she'll want an exclusive relationship will be much higher, trust me.

^ that, i want to add, to remember she can suggest the relationship using code words and questions that translate into relationship without using official words...

_________________
Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
http://www.dancefloorseduction.com

Dancefloor/Club game youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/dancefloorseduction

Some of the most important advice I have ever received is in this thread. I thank all of you for your time!

I think it has finally sunk in what I need to do. I can feel in it my body, mind, and in each breath I take.

That video was very helpful. To summarize what I've learned so far:
What I learned and what I'm seeing now is the need, desire, and 100% accomplished feeling of eliminated neediness. I needed to withdraw myself from letting her be the star of my life, and remember that I'm the star of my OWN life - so to speak. I needed to stay turned on by life by myself; to pick up a hobby related to my ambitions in life and lose myself in it. To find my best self, the self that she was attracted to in the first place. I need to feel that sense of complete self-satisfaction. As well to display a mild seductive game that shows I have options, to display value and a subtle sense that she doesn't have me just yet. She thinks she does and she helps to ensure, indirectly, that she's 'mine'-but also demonstrates with kindness that she has options as well, again indirectly. I have a feeling she does this to help me grow, to promote my better self again-I could be interpreting it wrong, but she knows I'm heavily into personal development so I think she's happy to give me clues along the way. (Nice to be that comfortable with someone).

Believe me, I am open to learning from and adapting to the advice mentioned in this thread that a newbie wouldn't be able to. I want the girl, and I'm willing to undergo extreme personal development and unnaturally sped up growth and maturity. I feel in my life that she is the one, (I felt like this in the past before, but there was a 1.5 year gap where we didn't talk due to drama-I was with other girls and forgot about her, so coming back and escalating so fast in just 2 months and feeling it again I'm sure says something). Also, I have learned to identify the difference between reality and fantasy.

Fantasy - I'm in love, we're great together, I don't need another girl, she's perfect.
Reality - she's attracted to the COOL me that didn't fall out of his COOL character into love and love's affection. The shift in character can scare her.

Hope it's okay to document my progress with this, I'm sure there are others that might be able to learn from it.

I have one problem before I can fully indulge in the 'self-crystallization' process that reinforces that COOL, confident, independent guy that she was/is attracted to:

Last night, her, her ex, another friend and myself were going to hangout. I called her when they were taking too long because I had my own friends (a frame of my life she hasn't seen yet), and told her I would hangout with them for the night and call to meet her the next day; today.
I know this gives her space and freedom, and shows I don't care that she is hanging out with the ex. However, my tone of voice on the phone was a little bit defeated. I didn't have the best communication so I believe there is a chance it could have been interpreted that I was scared to hangout with them, because at the time I actually was. Today when I call her, I'll have a chance to start again and give a better presentation. Does anyone have thoughts on how I could approach this call? Or should I just be myself and not care how I come off this time since, this natural aura I'll reacquire again can simply take care of the micro behavioural habits by itself? I get nervous sometimes that after an event where I was needy or came off as insecure, upset, or grumpy has ruined EVERYTHING, and that EVERYTHING is over. Very "Oh no, end of the world" kind of thinking. Does anyone have tips for this feeling? Or, again, tips on how to approach the phone call? At first when I called, she was expecting I was being needy and impatient and wanted to know how long they'd be, but instead I told her I'd call her to hangout the next day. If I just had better communication in the moment, I would be fully confident that my throwing her off to be independent and give her space was a wise move to make in the process towards a relationship.

Any help, again, hugely appreciated.

Sorry about the length!

Not to be harsh or anything, but the way to solve your problem is to stop being a massive pussy. Its a phone call, dont over think it. You really shouldn't place so much importance into a phone call, it's just your insecurity thats making you sound defeated, or making you THINK you sound defeated. If you're kinda down and dont feel like calling, just text her a simple message. You're putting the pussy on a pedestal if you're over analyzing an everyday phone call like that.

If you take my (and your own) advice and develop yourself as a person, this kind of insecurity will go away, because you will be more confident in yourself and also because you will be too busy to worry about such petty things. As you said, when you find yourself, these "micro-behavioral" habits will take care of themselves. Hope this helps, I want you to get this girl. Remember, you can love a girl without her being the be all end all of your life

Edit: ps also remember that this process of finding yourself and becoming the 'best' you is gradual. Dont expect to all of a sudden become a confident, independent person. But if you start now, you will find yourself too busy to think about stupid things like 2 minute phone calls etc. Try the following: try to get work done (i.e. study), some sport (i.e. gym, jog, whatever sport you like) and some socializing (go to a party, dinner/ lunch with a friend). Try to get all three done EVERY DAY. This will make you happier and more attractive to your girl and other women in general.