hey guys,

my ex broke up with me about 2 month ago (relationship lasted 2 month). she mentioned something about being for the best but she still had feelings though couldn´t take the next step. nothing really happened. I might have been too needy and insecure.

I broke out in tears, wrote her a letter, wrote her on her birthday 2 weeks ago, that it would be a shame to throw away our friendship and acknowledged the breakup.

no answer. it was my birthday yesterday and she texted me, very short and casual, just like friends would do..

I still want to get back together but I have absolutely no idea how to proceed. The fact she contacted me, for whatever reason makes me belief that she´s still interested.

so far I haven´t written her back. Should I write back as casual as she did or wait?


any thoughts and comments are welcomed

thanks very much,

keef

What did you say in your letter (briefly)?

And what did she say in her text?

That info will help us help you.

hey,
letter:
- briefely referred to how we got to know each other, reference to good times
- acknowledged that we knew from the beginning it would´nt be easy due to long distance, but said I always believed it would´ve worked out
- assured her she doesn´t have to fear letting me in (she wanted to move to the same city),
-said I would be there for her and won´t let her down, she´s going through a tough time (mental illness) and said she need to figure this out on her own and therefore I couldn´t be part of her life.
- ended saying I´m glad for all the time we spent together and hope to continue so and that I missed her

she texted me on my birthday

"hey keef, wish you a happy birthday, hope you had a nice day, enjoy the rest of it, greetings"

Ask her out for coffee sometime.

I think if she'll let you back into her life that's a much better place to start.

I also put a photo of us, a mixed tape, a greetings card (basically saying your´re perfect the way you are I wanna love you without frustrating you and with no expectations) in the letter and sprayed my perfume on it...

the problem is, we´re living 300km apart. so it´s gonna be hard to arrange a casual meeting. she wanted to move closer but than had second thoughts and rather wanted to stay with her friends and family..

#1, no more post-breakup love letters. When a girl lets you go, you need to simply agree to accept her decision. There is nothing you can say in a love letter that you haven't made abundantly clear verbally, in person.

#2, reinitiating a LDR is damn near impossible. Have reasonable expectations that this probably will not work as long as the two of you live far away from each other. If I were you, I'd maintain a casual friendship with this girl and game other women.

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- Lux et Veritas -

My god reading this made me cringe, come on man seriousily read through again, take a step back view it from outside the relationship your being a total sap. I don't mean to be harsh but firstly you were with her for 2 months and you cried?

From reading your post you thinking you 'might of been too needy and insecure', I can bet my left nut you were and this is why you got dumped, her saying she has feelings but cant take the next step is her way of being nice about it.

You then decided it would be a good idea to write her a letter, telling her you'll be there for her and you won't let her down like you have some sort of life long commitment to her? Telling her you miss her, mixtapes and that card?

Man the fuck up! Seriousily! That behaviour is why you got dumped, she was just being nice about it.

Best thing you can do is work on yourself, forget about her for now, telling her you miss her and being available is just nailing the coffin. The fact is you wern't even really with eachother that long either kinda makes you come off as a bit creepy. She text you because it was your birthday and she probably thought she'd be a heartless bitch if she didn't.

There's probably no coming back from this for a good while, you've come accross way to infactuated. Your better than that, there will be other options. Work on doing what you want, your passions and have fun with other girls for a while. When she sees your happy being on your own she may get attracted again but honestly I'd forget about her and learn from your mistakes.

I know i've worded this harsh but someone had to be blunt with you.

All the best mate

thank you for that and I mean it. I knew it all along but part of me wished that she texted me on my BD and when she did, man. . it just went through the roof. I read through it again and felled kinda ashamed. and I somehow think I have to justify myself, even in front of you guys. I´m 22 and have derealisation, social phobia and co-depency, it´s just no matter what I do it fucks up my mind..

she was my "first everything", because I could open up to her because she has a smiliar condition and for the first time, we both felt understood, because we knew what the other was going through and when we were together it all just does´t seem to matter.

Seriousily, give a fuck! Don't be ashamed you live and you learn, most people are on here because they do or used to suck with women i am definatly one of them, I was just as bad with my first girlfriend. The funny thing was I didnt even like her I was just that much of an AFC I loved having a girlfriend when it ended I was devestated! How sad and insecure is that LOL!

She was your first special girl that's fair enough but she obviousily wasnt that special and you'll see that after a bit of time and talking to other girls.
You have those things and she also did but that can also be a bad thing man, for example she's feeling negative one time that's gonna rub off on you and trigger your problems and vice versa. Surround yourself with positive people and do positive things, keep yourself busy, why don't you set yourself a goal at somthing? can be anything, running? gym? anything your interested in or focus on somthing new, somthing random.
Read up the tips in these forums there's plenty of people going through similar shit.

So, stay positive, realise that it does hurt but embrace it and reconise that it will go away soon enough.
No contact what so ever, ESPECIALLY if she contacts you again, if she keeps contacting you be brief short and absolutely no telling her you miss her or any shit like that. Be busy and clearly moving on.

Your 22 man, fuck it! Whole worlds out there, save some money and go travelling or some shit.

Im going to give the best thing you can do.

Is improve your life. Leave her be dont initiate any contact. If for some reason she contacts you be neutral and causal.

And believe me fucking move on... girls tend to pickup that sort of thing , and when she feels her place in your life in dangerous ground she will try and get back.

Being romantic and all that crappy and sappy you see on the movies will only decrease your value and show her you are loser...

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

If it's your first girlfriend then yeah, you're feelings are going to be blown out of proportion and you're going to feel like absolute dogshit. I've been there, I've done the whole "BUT YOU'RE SO PERFECT FOR ME! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!" thing over a girl I'd dated for like, three months and I cringe when I think about it. But don't beat yourself up about this, the first break up is something you need to go through and having somewhere like this where you can talk to a lot of knowledgeable guys can ensure that you handle the next one better, or perhaps avoid the next one!

Ride it out. You will laugh about this and feel absolutely nothing when you think about her in a few months time.

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