| Details:
Girl: HB9, had many suitors. Worked too fucking much (hard to set dates). Older than me (her 24, me 22). She talked about getting married later on/kids settling down (not something that turns me off). She is smart.
Situation:
Ok, so it all starts at the end of last quarter of university. I am studying at a coffee shop when I suddenly get approached by the barista girl I got my coffee from. We get to talking and I mention one of my favorite activities and she suggests I should take her out. Going through my head: (this girl is confident and awesome). So I get her number, but then disappear for a couple of weeks due to finals.
I go to the coffee shop once again and her eyes light up when she sees me. We start texting. She comes over to my place for the 1st date.
Here come all the mistakes I made since this night:
On 1st date:
We watched a movie on my couch.
I did not build enough comfort.
Kino escalated but she resisted. Tried freeze out; didn't work.
Then, she stayed over at my place and I didn't make a move.
Next morning, walked to her car. Went for a kiss, but swerved for the cheek. (Thought it would make her crazy), bad idea and pussy move, but it worked, set up a day 2.
I get to know her more and find out she has 3 jobs, including the coffee shop. When we go out, I try to keep things upbeat but she just always seems tired. She worked 90+ hours a week with often less than 3 hours of sleep. She seems unresponsive at times, but cheerful other times.
She mentions a couple times people think we would be a good couple. However, since she works 90hrs per week I barely see her and its difficult to build something. She is obviously attracted to me. I begin to realize that I actually like this girl and she is just not another to add to the the list.
Here is where I make two HUGE mistakes:
I decide to take it slow: I did not sexually escalate, not even a kiss close.
And then this is more of a crime: I told her I liked her, waaaay too early. (She seemed very happy, but I knew it was a mistake).
I showed DHV's by showing her some of my goals, and by letting her help me in my application to engineering school. Her interest was there. Then the snow ball began rolling down hill.
I got rejected from engineering school. This took a huge knock of my confidence and it translated to my interactions with her. On the other hand, she then tells me that before she met me she was seeing a mutual friend that also worked at the coffee shop and that they had been "friends with benefits". I didn't know how to react to that, just didn't think it was a big deal.
This is when I start getting in a funk:
Over the next week, we went out for food and she gets a text from my friend at the coffee shop and she gets upset (I realize there are feelings there). She leaves the restaurant. Later that week, I call her about it and ask what is going on between them. She assures that they are not together and will never be. Then, somehow this translates into her and I and she says "She is not looking for a relationship".
After this I just cut things off for about a week. Then she starts texting me again, and i show up to the coffee shop and starts telling me "you are hot" and she starts up some sexual banter. So I think, ITS ON, we start going out again. BUT, before we meet again I find out she is moving from her apartment. She asks me if she can stay over at my place she she finds a new apartment. And of-course, how can I resist.
THEN I FUCK SHIT UP. She calls me on monday night and tuesday night. Assuming she wants to come stay over. MY PIECE OF SHIT 1990's phone does not have a decent ringer. I miss her call both nights. I call back, she does not answer.
About three days go by and I talk to her again and she says she got an apartment with some roommates. So I think things are cool. Then, I am out that weekend having fun with some friends and I text her (drunk/stupid):
me: Haha its funny how hard some of these girls try... Still thinking of you!
her: i have a boyfriend.
At this point, the room is covered in brains cuz my head exploded.
Come to find out. The week she was looking for a place to stay. She phoned this dude that pretty much told her: " I work for this big corporation. I make lots of money. I can take care of you. Come live with me". She had told me about him before and said she was not interested. So, I didn't pay it any attention. But now, within a week, they move in together and are going out?!
This is where I am at right now:
I got friendzoned super hard. First time in years. I have hung out with her since and I can tell she still likes me. She gets jealous when I talk to other women.
I think she definitely settled for what was comfortable with this random dude.
The funk I was in just made this even worse. I have a bad case of Oneitis. I did not get into engineering school. On top of that, I lost my job (place went out of business).
I have been staying busy, looking for new jobs. Going out with friends. Trying to come up with a plan, but this weird situation has got me thinking:
Should I tell her how I feel and just make a move and go for it?
Should I mention how I think she settled?
Should I just forget about her and move on?
I can't give her the life style that this guy is giving her right now. (She quit two of her jobs.) I am a broke ass college student. But settling?
My grandfather always said that settling for less is one of the worse things you can do. This is because no matter what, you are setting yourself up for failure. Your heart and your head will inevitably lead you to what you really want. Then you will find that all the time you spent settling was wasted. It doesn't matter whether its in your career, school, or relationship it applies to every are of your life.
Nonetheless, I am not sure if its in my right to make her see in this way though. She makes her own decisions.
From what I have talked about with her, she is as lost as I am.
I am not sure If I should let her know all that is going through my head. Or just try to improve myself and my life. Don't know whether to hope she will come around by improving.
I have never had anyone hold so much power over me in my life. I guess, I just wanted something real. I don't know what to do next. Just need feedback/advice.
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CHAT