So this year has been a fucking roller coaster for me so far. I have a russian friend in London, and we celebrated New Years together. Met a girl there and got oneitis. He said that in Russia there is a saying; the way you spend the first day of the year is how the rest of the year will be. So far it's been right.

I can tell that with every new girl I met this year, my emotional investment has gone down, but not disappeared. There was one chick whom I fell for big time, and fell into depression. That was the point where I knew my mentality had to change.

Now there was a new girl whom I gamed for a month, almost fucked her, but didn't, and now she's flaking. Back in my AFC days I would've said, OK, give her another shot. Now I just deleted her number and every text to and from her. I cannot contact her apart from FB, and I don't do that. But nevertheless, the moment I realized I'm moving on, it hurt. nowhere near as much as that other girl that gave me a depression, but it still did for about 5 minutes, and I still think it's a little sad things didn't develop; we had a good connection.

But I'm sick and tired of bullshit. I now go semi-direct when I open girls. "Hi, I saw you from over there and wanted to talk to you." I don't give a fuck what her response is. I'm thinking of just going fully direct in my next few approaches. "Hi, you're cute, I want to talk to you." Or something like that. Fuck indirect bullshit. I don't give a fuck.

The thing is, I think this year is a learning lesson, it's making me harder. Even if my lay success isn't high right now, my mentality is changing. I'm realizing that CaptainJackHarkness is correct - an abundance mentality really cures all that bullshit oneitis shit.

I used to be lazy and not want to go out. Now I fucking have to. Every time I'm out with friends I get bored if I'm not talking to some new people. Doesn't even have to be girls. Just new people. And girls just make me nervous and excited, which is a good thing. I still have AA, it didn't go away, but if I say to one of my friends "I'm going to talk to her" I WILL do it. Once the walk to that girl begins, it's over, I'm opening.

I have a friend who is a natural, has a gf, but winged me last night. He could get more pussy than I could, but that doesn't matter. I'm just getting to the point slowly, I can feel it, where I don't give a fucking fuck.

Girls have hurt me a lot, but that's unfair. My mentality has hurt me. But I still don't think girls are innocent. They have played a lot of mind-games with me in my life, and I'm sick of it. I'm sticking to simplicity. I'm not taking bullshit anymore. It's a waste of time and a waste of my emotional investment.

I'm still somewhat stuck as to what route of methodology I should properly stick with. I see the value of 60 Years of Challenge, yet I need to still grow the balls to do that 100% completely. I use it, but not from the start.

I also see the value in Vin Dicarlo's The Attraction Code, which solidified my beliefs. Being honest in your intent, being relaxed and calm, having fun, not taking her shit. But then I also see my natural friends, and they do nothing, or almost nothing. They just talk. And the girl is attracted. Of course my natural friends are all good looking, confident in their style and looks. I'm not a playboy, I ain't bad looking at all, no way, but I'm not the model that some of my friends are. Half Indian half Austrian, dyed blonde fringe, goatee, that's me. Exotic to some, not so special to others.

Anyway, just needed to let this out as I just deleted this chick's number and came to some realizations. Who knows if anyone will even read this. But this is my progress so far.