you need to set your boundaries. and then she has either violated them or she hasn't. of course, if your boundaries are entirely irrational or stem from pure insecurity, you will end up lied, cheated and then dumped. but assuming you have entirely rational boundaries, stick to them.
at this point, she would have shown you her Facebook to prove she has not replied. you are making this very huge. is it a deal-breaker for you? at this point, you might have to decide if you are going to drop it, or drop her. what I would do is say you believe her, but stay alert. if you start picking weird vibes, or several indices of misbehavior, be ready to walk. keeping pushing on this "did you message him?" issue is not going to do much good. if she hasn't, she will end up being fed up with your lack of trust, and message him out of sheer "so fuck you jerk!" feelings. if she has, by now she has lied about it so much there's no way she can admit the truth. she has to keep lying at this point.
did you voluntarily pick a night in which she was especially tired to voice your concerns? was it the tenth time you said the same thing and she reassured you about it?
if not, and you were just honestly talking about your feelings, and she simply fell asleep on you, you have deeper problems than the whole Ryan-on-Facebook thing.

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

yeah we have talked about it in the past, it was not a great night because she was tired, but she ALWAYS says she is tired and passes out! to me it just seems selfish.

The only way I could know 100% is to see her facebook for my self which she did not offer and makes me question if she is telling the truth....I could ask but if she is telling the truth I would look like a chump!

I am tired of feeling the way I do, in the last month I have been worried, spending to much time thinking about our relationship or if she is happy, so much time that I have not taken any time to worry about my self!

I feel like I should perhaps end things, I really love her so it is hard for me to think of breaking up! but I cant not go on feeling like this, wondering what she is doing, worrying about our relationship.

I am honestly thinking of talking with her tomorow and ending it.

if she is happy, you will know it it usually shows
when a girl's interest level is high enough, you can get away with a lot of shit and still retain your status. when it drops, she falls asleep on your worries.

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Yeah I agree, when I came to her about talking to her ex she did not react in a loving "No hun, I want to prove to you I did not do it because I love you and I don't want you to feel bad" way, instead she tried to turn things around on me, and she was cold, that does not seem right!

As for the keylogger I have thought of this, I want to do it but held my self back from doing this because I felt it was disrespectful, although the more I think about how she has treated me and I am starting to care less and less!

How do you think I should talk to her? what should I say to get her attention and let her know that I am serious? This shit is eating me up right now! its hard to think that someone you live with and love could possibly lie to you, and treat you with such a lack of respect!

bad vibe. when I happened to ask my girlfriend about some suspicion I had, she acted very reassuringly, took time to understand where I was coming from, why I felt that way, and was even open to showing me her phone, which I declined. of course, I was wrong to suspect, and she was honest.
go for it man. yes, it's bad. very bad. but, how many more sleepless nights do you wanna go through? by now, Ryan is a huge monster in your mind, he has a huge prick and is banging your sweet Jessica 24/7. you will not find peace till you know.
if you find out she has been loyal, though, be ready to give out more trust the next time.
unfortunately, I am afraid you are going to dig some shit out of there. might be that she has replied to her ex-BF in some innocent way (which by now is an issue because you made it an issue and she lied about it), or that he is actually banging her. that I do not know. just make sure you have a course of action. if she has just given an innocent reply, is that a next'able offense? stick to your boundary, or be ready to be walked on over and over.
I would not talk to her till I find out the truth. if she has lied, confront her about her lies and, again, stick to your guns.
if she has not lied, take her out to dinner, and then fuck the life out of her. (but don't tell her it's a reward for sincerity - sincerity is not rewarded* because it's taken for granted)

* other than by keeping the relationship alive

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

You are never going to get the facts. She "Got a message on FB, but thats not talking" and "I posted on his wall but I forgot!" Seriously, you beleive this crap???! Girls remember the time you accidentally farted during dinner with her parents on a Tuesday afternoon at 1:32pm 20 years ago, she was wearing a red dress that came below her knees and you were wearing that Blue polo shirt she gave you for Christmas (Get the point?)!!!! She is feeding you a line of BS and you are bending over and taking it like a punk!

How do you recover? You recover exactly the way you are now, you forget about it and let her keep doing her thing. You have given her the green light to walk all over you so just sit back and let it happen now, but don't worry it won't be long before she is gone. She want's a man afterall!

Tough Love!!!

Peace...

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

great advice guys! Even if I did break things off with her I still want to know the truth for closer, so I don't have any questions in my mind down the road, anyone know any good free keyloggers?

Now you're going to spy on her? Just fucking END it.... Damn.



You don't need PUA. You need a fucking pacifier. You're perpetuating drama.

"The truth" is subjective - always.

Live it, learn it, love it.



RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

I didn't say I was going to spy on her? I said I want to, but it is disrespectful for sure!

I want to put my two cents in here.

Obviously you have invested a lot in this relationship, and you seem to really care about the girl, so it makes sens that you are a bit paranoid. I will admit that although her explanation is possible It does not sound to me like she is being honest with you, she might be sparing your feelings and really have no interest in the guy, or she might be fucking his brains out....either way she should not lie!

What should you do? this is a tough one! the who key log thing is a grey area but I don't agree that it makes you a pussy....I could understand why you would want to have solid evidence before making such a large decision (you live together and have been together a long time!)....In most cases I would say absolutely not! to the spying but I feel for you brother, and quite frankly she has seems to think she can get away with treating you poorly at this point.

You have two options IMO:

1# Confront her, tell her she has been taking you for granted, and bail.

2# Risk it, find out if she was telling the truth, and try to keep a strong frame and build value, start standing up for your self and ignore her when she does not give you the attention you deserve.


Listen man, I know some of us can be harsh around here, try to slap you in the face with reality but I have been in a LTR before were I felt like shit! so keep your head up and do what you have to do, go with your gut! and stand up for your self! If you want to check her computer I say go for it...but be prepared for what you might find! and if she did lie you have got to confront her and walk! no sticking around! you leave her! she will not respect you if you know she lied and then you turn around and take her back!