The point to preparing before you approach is that its going to help your confidence to know what you plan to say. So many guys see a girl they like then they think I don't know what to say...so we want to remove that excuse. We want to remove all barriers to action whether pyschological or tangible. With that said, if you don't know what to say there is a good chance that you are going to mess up.

Some people say just go with the flow and be "natural." Being "natural" is not necessarily being yourself however. I view being yourself as doing what you want to do and achieving what you want to achieve. Lets say you are swimming and the current takes you one way but you want to go the other do you go with the flow or do you go against the grain and get to where you want to be??

Another thing about just going with the flow. Startings a conversation up from scratch is the equivalent of improvisation, improv acting. Improv acting is all about being in the moment and being present, but if you are nervous your feelings will distract you. If you are a novice chances are you will be nervous. This is why many people just can't start a conversation from scratch they have to be comfortable first. However, don't fear people that are more nervous are more in touch with how they feel and are more capable of producing stirring and arousing conversations when you actually sit down and write out a script.

So my advice again is to write out your script then memorize it then perform it for your target. "Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation."

As always there are a couple ways to deal with a weakness: protect, overcome it, or change it. if you get nervous easily you can avoid the people that make you uncomfortable...you can dominate the people that make you feel uncomfortable so that they can't affect. That is essentially dominating the conversation. Or you can become more secure. Becoming more secure may sound like the best option, but you have to evaluate your emotional state and mental habits. So people have some serious emotional scars and have dealt with a lot of inconsistency from parents and friends. Becoming more secure for you may be the equivalent of bench pressing 500 pounds...if you dominate the conversation for what ever reason the girl either has to want to listen to you (because you are so interesting) OR has to listen to you for what ever reason. Avoidance may seem like the worse option, but you would be surprised if you portray the image of value and the prize that women will start to lust after you because you don't talk to them. You have to have good value to do this. But if you seem like some stud and you never talk to any of the hot girls. the girls are going to start seeing you as unattainable and that will set you a part. However, you will have to keep yours secret to yourself...you can't just say you are not talking because you are sensitive and shy or the woman won't see you as unattainable but as undesirable. Never show weakness. Never.

As always the battles usually goes to the smartest not the strongest or most attractive. So think pragmatically and strategically. And remember what the Great Hannibal once said

"I will either find a way or make one." Ingenuity my friend

One more thing about mindset. In my mind I always win. That means I see myself succeeding with the girl. I see the girl then I see myself approaching and then i see myself getting her number and then I see all the other success.

VISUALIZE. "When you see yourself doing right you do right" (Rocky). This is a mental exercise of actually seering yourself succeed with the woman.

And by chance if I happen to lose. You know I learnfrom that. But I still see myself with that girl and she kissing all on me and telling me how great a guy I am. I am undefeated in my heart.

Even more so you have to think of these girls as your equal and you have think of them as unworthy of you sometimes. If a woman is haughty and expects preferential SPAM she is not good enough for you. If a woman is a bitch she is not good enough for you. If a woman is not affectionate enough or not she is not good enough for you. These are all character flaws that I point out, but nothing gets a pretty chick more than telling her "you have a chance" or "I can do better than you" or "you're not good enough for me." I rarely hurt people's feelings but if you are a mean bitch...you deserve it because you have been hurting feelings. Once again maintain your equality and your dignity in your mind. See the girls faults, think about her faults impress that into your mind and that will always knock the pu$$y off the pedestal.

Why are some people sensitive? There are a couple reasons for this.

1.) You were hurt and it was traumatic and it createst flashbacks and an instinct in you to feel a certain way.

2.) Out of habit, mental habit you begin to feel a certain way on a consistent basis. Lets say you were in a stress environment. So you develop a habit of being anxious and so you are either usually anxious or you become anxious.

3.) You are inexperienced and your mind is playing tricks on you. The first time you go in the deep in its unbelievably scary, your first kiss may seem unbelievably good or better yet your first love. When you are inexperienced your mind gets carried away with negative outcomes or positive outcomes. It works both ways. So in you have AA its probably from inexperience wondering about all the bad things that could happen.

4.) You were hurt and now you become afraid when you are in certain situations or around people. This is especially true if you had parents that were emotionally manipulative. They would criticize you if you did something they did not like and now you are afraid of that kind of crticism from other people. in fact...

5.) you were hurt or criticized so much that now you expect it. This one produces a double whammy. Because you were hurt so much you expect to be hurt AND you have an instinct of feeling a certain negative way because you were hurt so much.

The cure for sensitivity is confidence. you want to on a consistent basis work yourself into a confident state of mind and then you will develop and instinct of being confident. Also you want to want to instill beliefs within you...just like traumatic experiences can affect you overly positive experiences can affect so you want to try to do that. You probably have so lies in your head or overly negative thoughts and you want to counteract those by instilling different beliefs.

People generally cannot take criticism and look to appease others because of a lack of confidence. They don't want to get their feelings hurt so they agree and appease. And this is a feeling the encourages a behavior and when you behave that way enough it also becomes a habit. You can avoid appeasement by 1.) staying confident so you don't feel the pressure or 2.) By instilling the belief "I don't need other people to tell me I am right" within your subconscious.

When a man gets broken down emotionally he does what he does instinctitvely. This is why they say pressure reveals. So when the belief is deep down in your subconscious...even when you have had a rough day at school or at work and you see this hot girl and you are unsure of what she will say you will still feel like approaching her because the belief is within you pushing you to do what you want to do.

My method is all about confidence and desire. You have confidence to remove fear and insecurity that stops you from doing what you want to do. The confidence also gives you some desire becuase if you have confidence you expect good things to come to you and if you expect good things to come to you then you want to do something. Everyone wants to work if they know they will succeed. Everyone would approach if they knew they would get laid in 2 hours. You also want to add desire in their to put fuel on the fire and to give you an unshakeable will to get pursuing your goal no matter what. No matter what. At the heart of my method is the premise that, no matter what people tell you or excuse they make people ultimately do what they want to do. When I say want i mean will, your desire deep within your subconscious. I don't mean your conscious mind. remember freud once said "the ego is not master in its own house"

If you look at this video from Full Metal Jacket, you will see a method different than my own to whip the human spirit into shape.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBfZ4Jj09Fc

The speech is #1 to establish the authority of the superior officer that is why it is so disrespectful. #2 Also it is to develop discipline. "you will not laugh. you will not cry." No matter what type of pressure you are under you can't get angry, you can't cry, you can't laugh...you will obey orders. And if you don't obey orders you will be punished like Lawerence until your will confirms with the will of your superior officer. Every thing has a purpose. The purpose is to mold your will by holding you accountable. The drill instructor uses fear and punishment to mold the will of the recruits. He wants to construct/rewire their reality, change what they think is right and wrong, change how they appease their drives (hunger, libido, aggression). The downfall of this method is that it can be very traumatic and abusive. This can destroy a man's mind, and his life as can scene from this scene with pvt lawerence and sgt hartman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqvCA4c80GQ
However, the method can work.

CaptainJackHarkness has been oposed to my method as he sees it as being too "soft I am sure. This man thinks like a behavioralist. Just do it is his imo. However, I'm more of a Freudian in some ways, but in some ways I am no ofcourse. Your emotion and instincts drive you. People ultimately do what they want to do, either running for fear or chasing what they find irresitible. So its important to control fear and create a desire within you to do what you want to do, expect to win.

When you put people down and hurt them when they don't behave appropriately that may make them mad and they will want to behave different. However, anger at oneself can become self-loathing and self-loathing leads to depression and self-destruction. So I promote confidence and desire to get you to behave the way tou want. Because

"How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved. " (Sigmund Freud)

"Perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18 )

The purpose this thread is to learn how to build confidence and desire (how to build will) then how to turn that into a instinct to "just do it."

It takes patience to build confidence and desire. Then of it as only being able to go a certain amount of yards on a football field each day. You can only go so far so fast and it takes. Then it also takes patience to secure that confidence. Then it also takes patience to develop discipline to behave a certain way. It takes time.

From our experiences we develop our expectations for the world. So its important to have good experience. If you have the Confidence but your experience contradicts you are constantly going to be at war with your mind. So I only encourage instilling beliefs in your mind to an extent.

The method is simple as this get pyschologically comfortable doing one thing (with affirmations) then have good experience with that thing to solidify yourself, cement yourself in that area then you progress to the next thing. You get pyschologically comfortable doing that thing (with affirmations) then you get good experience to solidify that belief Then you move on to the next thing. And it all works like that.

I also use this method on my girls. I get them comfortable doing one thing then I progress to the next thing. I use it on myself and I use it on others.

I have many approaches under my belt. The number 1000 thousand seems reasonable.

I have read every single word in this thread and I must say it's full of gold.

As for CaptainJack. Theirs no reason for you to be such a dick bro. We are all brothers here. If you don't like his beliefs that's fine. But have a little respect. Theirs no need to go ahead and slander it. Were I do see where your coming from. And I do believe the best way to gain confidence is through results and success. But to get their isn't always easy. Which is basically Iwanteasylove is saying.


To the guy that warms himself up by opening sets on the getgo. That in my opinion is a very good strategy. Sixty actually talked about that. It's his snowball method. What it is, is your basically creating a positive momentum with each encounter and every act you do that you think of will continue this momentum. Each act produces one momentum point. Once you reach 10 points your in something called God mode.

And to the gentleman that said this is alot to take in and under pressure you may not remember the bulk of it. Than I say atleast remember the core of it. Which mostly
seems to be the affirmations, willpower, motivation, desire, and turning negatives into positives.

Feel free to correct me Iwanteasylove. And again great stuff. Your doing us a great service.

I agree with most of what you right except when it comes to Discipline and Affirmations.

As Catholic, who understands Confucius and Mencius as well as Buddhism, for me Discipline is knowing you can do something but not doing it because it is wrong. For me One love is more important than meaningless love for different women who don't care for me the way my One love cares about me.

Affirmations don't work as well as experience. Most women are nice and are flattered to be asked out. Even rejection is sweet when you understand it comes from a place of understanding and not misunderstanding.

For example you think a girl is pretty you introduce yourself ask her on a date and she says no, there is nothing devastating about that. All that means is that she does not have the same feeling for you as you for her. So what do you do? Just move on.

It could be she has not gotten to know you well enough in which case she will ask to be your friend. That is what it is--friendship. This does not mean that you are in a binding relationship. Both of you are free to date. All this means is that your circle of friends has improve; she may even know a friend who is right for you and vice versa.

For me friendship and finding that one woman who loves you that much is more important than this idea of conquest.

I'm not writing you are insecure. But what man or woman needs so much affirmation that they would sleep with multiple people to feel loved? That man or woman has to work on their insecurities at first.

That is just my perspective.

_________________
Anti-Yahweh Blog

Thank you very much. essentially it comes down to this:
"we shape our habits and our habits shape us" i just talking about how to do so.

1. You have an authoritarian based view of discipline. Someone else tells you what to do and you do it. I have a more Liberal view of discipline. I decided what I want to do and I find the energy in my will to do it. In the final analysis however, the post is about developing self-discipline. Not so that you are the god of your life but so that you can take responsibility of your life. There is no responsibility without power however.

Its a problem really when people have been forced to live one way as kids and then they want to be different. Their instincts don't match up with what they want. And that makes people miserable. It makes people hate themselves.

2.) Its usually more reliable to go by experience than affirmations. However, religious faith is wholly based in affirmations and confessions. The world tells you one thing and then your faith tells you another thing. I wouldnt say experience is always more effective than affirmations either because a lot the things that drive people in their lives are beliefs that were instilled in them at a very early age.

3.) I can't say that there is one love because people are unreliable and there are so many different people in the world. Its really like saying pick your favorite movie or sport or song.

4.) Rejection is not sweet. It's failing to achieve your goal. Although I am glad you know how to deal with it. It is incorrect to talk about rejection like its something you want. If you "can accept losing, you cant win" (Lombardi). I think that is analogous.

5.) its not about conquest, its about being happy and not being heartbroken. You know, have the power to get the woman you want. Its about empowerment.

6.) Everyone has insecurities and weaknesses that can be exploited, but everyone doesn't know how to deal with them to push through the pain.

7.) Guys don't sleep with women to feel loved. They do it because its fun. They do it because its fun...

It is possible to not only to pyche yourself out of an approach, but it is also possible to be in such a mentally defeated state that you lose the girl before you approach her even if you do approach her....

Lets say you approach her and you are still to nervous you either f up or you chicken out and eject.

or you are so nervous that you can't take advantage of opportunities. The girls show IOIs...she wants to kiss but you don't kiss her, she wants to hang out but you don't ask her...she wants to get it on but you don't even take the shot. Its important that a man FEEL his opportunities.

I have talked a lot about pressure, but temptation is another form of pressure. You meet the girl and she is so pretty and you are looking at her then you just get so turned on that you are just acting all reckless confessing your feelings, going for kisses, and just wild. You need to know how to fight off temptation, to resist temptation with confidence and desire. And you need to know how to avoid temptation being placed upon you. If she's really pretty, don't look at her so much. Seriously don't look at her so much.

also you will think about certain things instinctively, if you have thought about them many times in the past while doing that thing.

Pleasure of the mind- so the understanding is that people want pleasure and they don't want pain. When I say pleasure I mean pyschological pleasure...happiness/pride/esteem/excitement. So a girl may not want to be with you because she is guilty or ashamed about it so to make her feel proud about it removes that pyschological barrier. WHen you are pyschological distress you want to get rid of the pain and you "act out." You want to be positive and happy and confident because when you are secure in that you want to be whereever you are, you want to do whatever you are doing. If you go run a 10 miles at some peoint your mind gets tired and you start to really "hate" and "dread" what you are doing and you stop. When you have pleasure of the mind you fight off this pyschological faitgue that controls your will.

However, strength of the mind and security in that strength is not something that is acquired in an instant. Lets say you wanted to run a marathon. You would not start by running 20 miles one day. You would run 1 mile and stay confident throughout that then you would progress to 5 and stay confident through out that and then you would progress to 10 and get comfortable throoughout that theyn 15 then 20. You would want your will to be conditioned for the task. How does that relate to girls? Well you wouldn't ask her out until she is ready, you wouldn't text her until she is ready, you wouldn't call until she is ready, you wouldn't hang out alone with her until she is ready and you wouldn't kiss her until she is ready. At each point you are encouraging her and making her feel comfortable about the next step and each step along the way should go successfully to solidify her confidence in you.

Everyone is ready for different things at different times, but I know impatience ruins progress. You take her along to fast you scare her or make her feel uncomfortable she associates you with a negative feeling now she never wants to hang out with you again. (a note about association: each woman has values likes and dislikes that have been ingrained and conditioned in her. She hates certain things and loves others. A lot of girls don't like cocky not so much that its not fun but more so because her friends and her family have ingrained that feeling in her about being cocky and now if you act cocky around her it arouses a deep loathing and she wants nothing to do with you. You can't even reason with her, lol) Impatience ruins progress.

When you get out of your comfort zone you have to want the pain. You have to want the pain. You have to want the growing pains. You have to want it so much that you don't care that its uncomfortable. Its always that way when trying something new when venturing into the unknown. You have to want it so bad that you don't care that things are uncertain and kind of litter antsy feeling. You want your girl to feel this way to.

The mind plays trick on people. People rationalize their desires and their fears. When you want to do something people come up with a million reasons why they want to. When people don't want to do something they come up with a million reasons why they can't. Its all emotional. And fear is the strongest emotion because in humans the natural instinct is to survive not conquer. So courage has to be learned. You have to learn to overcome.

Everytime you encounter something that makes you uncomfortable that is an opportunity to expand your comfort zone. Affirm yourself to do it. Do it a couple of times and then feel secure doing it. however, God gave you common sense for a reason. Fear is to protect you. Sometimes fears should be heated. If you ask why? Why are you afraid? Why are you afraid of this girl at work? Well she might tell your boss your being a casanova and not being productive. Why are you afraid is always a practical question. A man most consider the consequences of his actions. However, doing things you don't want to do is how you develop your character.Affirmations of limitless self-belief, thinking of yourself in a grand and powerful way is the method ( I am a beast, I am very attractive, I am brilliant) of removing fear from your heart. For instance you can always do things to conqueror your fears with words like this. Lets say you were fighting a giant of a man, you tell the giant you’re immortal, you’re going to get spanked and embarrassed. Would be beliefs to psyche yourself up for the task. You wouldn’t be afraid of doing it. However you would pay a cost you just would not be afraid or dread paying the cost. That is the use of limitless self-belief. Also thinking back to the marathon runner building up your will and your mind playing tricks on you with psychological fatigue…limitless self-belief is useful because many times you can do more than you think you can do. So you Affirm yourself over perceived boundaries. And sometimes you may succeed and sometimes you may fail, but if you ain’t going till you fail you ain’t giving your all. Once again keep the affirmations powerful and passionate to overwhelm your consciousness and change how you feel.

A note about fear real quick. Just like you are afraid of rejection, not being good enough, not being approved by others , insecurities about your value, your attractiveness, your job, your education, your family. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being bad. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of getting cheated on. Girls have these fears to. But, Beauty is deceiving and you have this intimidating image of the woman in your mind and don’t realize all these things that are driving her as well….

The problem with learning the hard way is failure can ruin you. Rejection can literally ruin you. You put your heart into some random girl. You get heartbroken, you get embarassed, you get scarred and now you carry this trauma with you for the rest of your life. It hurts your confidence and esteem with the negative feeling. Emotional pain is worst than physical pain. With pleasure of the mind, with confidence and desire, you can get through anything. However with a broken heart you can't do nothing. "There is nothing like the sight of an amputated spirit, there is no prosthetic for that" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0WlbLZmwU8

Bearing- bearing is the perception that you give off to others. Perception is reality...

If you are nervous you don't have to show it. You can keep a good poker face. So ultimately you want to be confident. However, you can portray confidence with calm and controlled movements and behavior. You can con other people so to say by acting like your are calm when you are not.

It is useful with woman in once sense in that they like to be around a guy that is confident because it reassures them. SO its good just to portray confidence. Its also useful in that they don't like insecurity even though everyone is insecure and they themselves are insecure they don't like it.

When you are in a situation and you dont know what to do, staying calm and collected will carry you a long way and portray calm when you're not will too.