Hey Don

There is this girl who I have kissed with some months ago, and we have been texting/calling since then. I'm afraid I have been acting to much as a 'friend' in my texts, monday we were going out and although at one point she started kissing my neck she wouldn't kiss on the mouth. We were being pretty close the whole time aswell but it didn't escalate to kissing eachother.

So 2 days later I sent this (roughly translated):

Me: I've been thinking about you today! X
Her: Why?
Me: Since I saw you again I can't get you out of my head haha x
Her: Aww how sweet! X


Now I'm not sure if this reply is positive (I'm guessing it kind of is) but I'm also not sure what to send next. I've never really expressed how I feel about her before and this was the first time months after we kissed. She knows I like her but I'm really bad at being direct/expressing my feelings.

I was wondering what your opinion on this is and how I should continue.
(we also live pretty far away, so we don't get to meet eachother that much, that's why I feel my texting game is even more important)



A second question, if a girls texts late at night she can't fall asleep, what's a good answer? I've had this happen a couple of times and I'm never sure what to reply


Thanks in advance!

Well, do you know I stress on this little rule of mine, I call it the "1:1 ratio". It means that the ratio of your sending a text to her replying should be ideally 1 send to 1 reply. You can strech that to 2:1 when you're in the initial phase of having just met her and building attraction there, but not more than that.

And I don't know any women who would like to be labeled as " insane/cute crazy makes stuff up girl" even in jest.

In your messages, I see a lot of texts from your end, and not so much from hers. Maybe, you're not saying the right things in your texts, what you think as being "Cocky n' Funny" might be perceived as arrogance and rudeness, you never know.

Another thing, if you're going for a date with her as soon as you've met her, make it happen that very night as an "insta-date". Of course, she wasn't just going to meet up with you for coffee that day, there is no comfort level between you two! I mean she's met you at a night club in an altered state, sure the sparks were flying and everything, but once it's a new day, it's all gone. So, you're back at square one.

Focus on developing attraction and comfort through your texts. Assume that you're starting from point 0 and you work your way up from there.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Well, I am also not a fan of flaking. And I admire the way you're handling this, it's excellent with a "no-nonsense" attitude, you let her know that her erratic behavior does not sit "okay" with you and she has to change that if she wants anything to do with you. Well done.

So, maybe what you could do, is suggest another place and time, where you both could meet up, and let her know that while you are normally not very keen on women who've let you down once, you are going to make an exception for her for reasons you don't wish to go into. And if she wants to meet you, she should make it there.

If she does, great. If she doesn't, throw her out of your life.
Well, that's not going to help you much.

If you are going to text a girl, it should follow a plan for the day. It could be as small as getting a rise out of her, or sexual banter or whatever. Aimless messaging is for the dumb and the stupid. You don't want to fall into that category.

So, make an objective, message her with that in mind and follow through with that in your texts. Once, you've achieved that, say your Bye's and work through the days.
Well, you can make the requisite tweaks that I've mentioned.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Well, here's the thing. She's serious.

About as serious as you can expect a 16 year old to get, anyway.

So, you being 15 can take heart in the fact that you've got a 16 year old somewhere writing your name on napkins and all those shenanigans.

Here's another thing though, if you cannot meet her regularly, then remind me again, what is the point of all this romance?

Also, who gives a shit about "x"s and "o"s, they are there for conveying "kiss" and "hug" respectively and personally, I just ignore them, which would also be my advice for you. Sure, you can take it that the girl is expressing her affection for you, and that's all there is to it.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

It's been some months and you haven't slept with her already?

That's not good. Get a copy pf DiCarlo Escalation Ladder to smoothen the kino-escalation process for you. It will help.

And here's the thing, if you want to be her lover, you act like her lover. If you want to be her sex partner, act like it.

Also, be more bold and direct in your actions and words, man. I cannot stress enough on this fact.

Well, it's a positive reply. How positive? I don't know, never measured such things. Also, stop being "bad at direct/expressing your feelings". I am not advising you to suddenly cry your heart out to her, but being honest and direct about how you feel for her, will actually be something that she would appreciate. Men, aren't known for being cowards, or being coy about telling people exactly what they think of them. Be bold. There. I said that again. You have no idea of the magnitude in which your life will change for the better, just by not being afraid to speak up.

It doesn't always hurt. Sometimes, it feels pretty darn good.
Well, just tell her that you are "At your service, madame. " and just get it out of her whatever is on her mind. Maybe she might divulge, maybe she might not, either way she will love the fact that you tried to lighten her stress or whatever. And if she really just cannot sleep, make jokes, flirt with her, do whatever you want to, it's just more conversation time.

Don't treat this as a special thing. It isn't.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Since this post, I've been texting her back and forth still, and she's still replying, and her replies are longer than mine in general. My text game is by far my weakest, I usually rely on eye contact and body language, and sometimes type or say even really dumb stuff. Maybe I need to re-learn how to text game, and figure that out. Todays texts were

me : Good Morning
her: Morning!
me: What's your day like so far? Stuck in class all day?
her: It's an okay day. I only take classes at night, I work full time during the day.
me: What's your day gig like ?
her: I work in admissions for (Local College Name) Reading applications...crushing the dreams of high school students
me: Haha, that the best perk of the job? being evil nice! Do you work full time crushing dreams?
her: Haha yes dream crushing is a full time gig. I think having free grad school is probably the best perk though...
me: Wow, that's a pretty amazing perk. How often do you have class?

me:(about 5 hours later) Are you going out tonight? My friend said something about going to (Cool local bar name), It'd be really cool to see you there.



What do you think? I'm all about being better - if I'm screwing this up bad - then tell me how I can fix it and I'll listen

BTW- Thanks for being blunt with me. I know it's risky to be calling girls crazy insane makes stuff up girl but I really don't have any idea of what to say. I mean if you have some suggestions for newbie text reading please, by all means and I'll check it out.

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It's The Good Times

Hey don.

There's a girl i've kind of known for a few months through my sporting club but never really spoke to her much up until a couple weeks ago when she realised that a guy who had been trying to get with her was a friend of mine from my course. She started telling me about how he freaks her out a little bit because he is insanely obsessed with texting her (one night he had a 20:1 ratio with her which is just... wow). He is a nice guy, i just don't know what's going on there. Anyway.

We had a social with the club a couple of weekends ago, and then one on wednesday, the latter starting at my house. Bit of kino at the first one, this was a massive social at our uni with 6 others from around the UK so a massive night, didn't anything of each other towards the end as we were with different people etc. More kino at #2. After we left my house to go to the clubs, she and her friend went to the uni nightclub because they couldn't afford a taxi back from the one the rest of us were going to. No problem.

Hour or so later, get a text saying "**** scares me" (referring to the guy earlier). We start talking. She wants me to come meet her at the uni nightclub. I send:

me: we're staying here for a while... come back to mine later?" (preceeded by a bit of flirting)

Asks if i really want that, etc., asks me to come back to her uni accommodation, bit more back and forth. By this point it's 3am and i'm not getting a taxi over there when i have to be up in 5 hours so i suggest we see each other friday eveningish. Texts me first thing next morning asking how i feel, bit more banter, discussing what we're doing on the friday. I send:

me: we could have our own steak and bj day seeing as we missed out yesterday. buy me a steak and i might give you a bj. (male equivalent of valentine's day, but you know that. i thought i'd a add bit of humour to it)

She responds positively. More back and forth throughout the day, then she asks me about my friend, asking if i worry about him. I say it's a non-issue. She brings this up again later, asking why i think it's a non-issue, i reply saying they have no history together so it's not a problem, which she seems to accept. Few more shit tests from her, which i think i pass, such as:

her: haha how do you know!? you're the one who's 15 or less:P xx (sexual partners)
me: you can tell me if they're good or not, miss 15+ xx (oral skills)
her: haha this is true. why me?

Now there is where it gets a bit weird. She starts asking me why i want to get with her (on a sexual level, i think). Here's a bit of the exchange:

her: (stuff) and like why do you want to do that with me if you get me haaa xx
me: i get the impression we would have some crazy stuff happening.. being attracted to makes it an easy decision xx
(next morning) her: hahaha attracted to me? how come? xx
me: you ask a lot of questions xx
her: i like knowing answers xx
me: i'll answer your question if you answer mine xx
her: what's yours? tell me first
me: (a would you rather... thing, to try and derail her a bit)

It kind of works, we talk about other things over the next couple hours, but she still pushes for an answer, so i give her something. Then tell her it isn't a one-way street and it's her turn, she obliges with her own compliments. Bit more back and forth.

Now she starts to make excuses to flake on these friday plans. The above conversation was from midday on friday. I try to make a break in this but to no avail. Examples:

me: get as much as done as you can before we do something later xx
her: haha what's happening later? xx
me: i think you were gonna come down here and then.. we'll go from there. xx
her: such a mission! need to write an essay before i go home too! xx
me: irrelevant. xx
her: how!? xx
me: because you know you're gonna come anyway xx
her: i really can't though! promised my friend ill go snack bar with her at 9
Me: come down earlier then xx
her: it wont be 9 it'll be like 7 but i'm in town center SPAM and then eassay writing! xx
me: different day then xx
her: when??? xx
me: tomorrow xx
her: i'll see when i wakeup but it's a possibility xx

Bit more banter, then later she mentions she has a headache and probably won't go out. I think she might be setting herself up here to flake the next day.

Bit of consolation for her later on from me, e.g.

me: not back home til 9 and *** will be out at a friend's bday. i can always nurse you back to health xx
her: why 9 and lol i need cuddles and sleep xx
me: in gym. cuddles tomorrow, promise? xx (promise may seem a bit much but it's a reference to an earlier thread in the convo.)
her: maybes if you're luckyy xx

More after this but it's not important. By this point i know there's a high chance she'll flake again.

Now to midday today. Bit more back and forth, banter etc. Then:

me: sorting out plans for today, we doing something? xx ( i don't think going direct i.e. meet me at such and such at such a time, would have mattered here)
her: dunnooo am in bed xx
me: pillow fight? xx
her: hahahaa am tired xx
me: you don't even have to move from your bed xx
her: how? xx (how? why? you what!? are her favoured responses, and they often make no sense, like here. I don't know why she does this.)
me: if we don't see each other today, this will be your second strike xx
her: you what!? xx (.....)
me: i would prefer to see you as well as text xx
her: i'm confuseddd xx
me: how so? xx
her: idk just explain! xx

By this point i'm incredibly bored, so i just go direct.

me: i don't think it's confusing. we're attracted to each other so let's do something about it in person xx
her: hahaa xx

Up to date here. Not really sure where to go. Was thinking of either pursuing it further (bad idea), reverting to a less direct conversation or just not replying.


I know this is a long read, but i wanted to make sure i got in the up and down nature of the conversation over the last 3 days. A lot of the conversation i've ommitted (177 messages between us so far) contained a lot of back and forth, banter, humour, and a sexual energy to it, so i think on the whole the quality of conversation was good and varied.

She has initiated all of the contact, and has on multiple occasions sent 2 messages to my one. At one point she pointed out that i can be slow to reply and "should stop being a loser and reply, gawd! xx". Probably should have mentioned this earlier, completely slipped my mind.

I'm unsure as to why she is making it so hard to get anything going, especially after the kind of sexual texts we were exchanging on that wednesday night/thursday morning (i ommitted some of the other sexual stuff) and into friday. I admit my text game is still improving, so if there are any glaring mistakes here on my part, feel free to point them out. I've tried to pick out the threads where those mistakes may lie as i'm not typing out 177 messages.

Your advice is much appreciated, cheers don. If you need any more info, let me know.

See, here's the big picture issue here - you are thinking that "text game" is something exclusive from your "outer game" or "inner game" or something like that. It isn't. Sure, I've got an almost 50 page thread on it, apparently, but let's face it, most of the advice I give out here is normal stuff about actions and words and behavior instead of tailored messages. That's what you need to take back from this.

If you want to come across as a charming, smooth guy, you need to work on yourself as a person and not just on your texting. It requires a personality overhaul. Read good literature, watch great movies, practise speaking clearly and slowly, be in touch with the happenings around the world. In short, if you are integrating such behavior into your person, it will automatically translate into your texts. It's that simple.

Also, I've said it so many times, if you're going to indulge in talking with the girl, make it about something personal. Here you are interviewing her, and that can be very grating on the nerves. Ask her questions, but in the form of open-ended ones or statements with a '?' at the end. That will get her interest levels rising. Straightforward questions suck the life out of any interaction, and hence she stopped replying after a point.

Also, from your texts I'm getting this whole vibe of nice, polite, respectful man and that's not a problem, except there's this undercurrent of being a guy who's afraid to take what he wants, who's wanting the girl to make the moves in the relationship and that is a turn-off. Be bold, man. How many times do I have to say that? Just be unapologetic and brutally honest about what you want, and watch the women stutter.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Let's focus on the highlights, shall we?

Firstly, if she wants an answer for why you are attracted to her, then you give her a goddamned honest answer, you hear?

We are not women here, we aren't supposed to play coy and bat eyelashes and the whole nine yards. As a man, you are expected to be able to speak about exactly what you have on your mind and yet, you don't. That was what we call in football, an "empty goal", you just had to kick the ball and it was a goal, and yet you missed it.

Why couldn't you just have listed out some of her less appreciated qualities and told her how you find those things about her very attractive and how she's beautiful because of them and blah blah blah blah.. you get my drift.

Secondly, going direct about the place-and-time format while suggesting a date, actually conveys out the message that you're a leader, and that you are someone who has a plan. And women want to be lead, no matter what those feminism articles wish to tell you. They want a guy to be taking the reins into his hand, and navigating the relationship. So, next time, it's very "relevant" to be doing this and not what you did.

Finally, your "second strike" hit a nerve and that was good. You just had to follow that up with something like, "Well, I am attracted to you and I'm not going to deny that. But, there's only so much I can do, if your unwilling to even meet up. I am not a fan of this dilly-dallying behavior and I cannot deal very well with women who cannot make up their minds, I'm afraid. So, you have to understand where I'm coming from and make up your mind. About all of this." or something like that.

Sends out a firm, uncompromising but fair message to her. Tells her that you're not a fan of wasting time with shits and giggles. And more importantly, kicks her into action. If she's so much into you, she'd meet you by the weekend, if she still doesn't, do yourself a favour and find a girl who reciprocates your behavior.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Solid advice man, thanks.

On her asking for reasons for attraction, i only delayed it by a few texts, so less than 30 mins or so. I can see where you're coming from though, and it very well may still have mattered even if it wasn't a long delay. Won't make that mistake again.

As for the direct/leadership/offer-don't-ask thing, i've read it many a time and probably should have stuck to that instinct, but i bailed and decided to read into her recent responses perhaps a bit too closely to make the wrong call. Like you said, i should have expanded on my "i don't think it's confusing. we're attracted to each other so let's do something about it in person" message a bit more to really drive the intention home.

We're still texting a lot and the momentum hasn't slowed down so i'll try and take it in the direction i should've orginally done. I'll be seeing her tomorrow night at a meal out with club, so will try advance on things there. Thanks again bud.

EDIT:

Here's a strange turn of conversation on her part:

me: i'll tell you why you're really upset... xx
her: whyy? xx
me: we can't spend time together before agm (the meal out tomorrow)
her: haha aww :p you wish Razz xx
me: having trouble admitting to it? xx
her: am i? x
me: it's obvious x
her: haha i don't do casual sex! and aweee! i love leap year such a great film ending haha xx

Never mentioned that film to her, hell i've never even heard of it. So what is the test here? To see if i home in on the casual sex bit? It's the first time she's come out and blatantly mentioned sex rather than just hinted at it.

Replied with:

me: good to know you won't just use me for sex Wink xx
her: no but you will xx

Stumped.

Well, she has basically laid out her biggest fear on a platter in front of you. Her whole hesitation about hooking up with you is because she thinks that all of this just means "casual sex" to you. And even if it does, you need to be able to send a very clear message that it isn't all there is to it, and it's not going to be a "slam, bam, thank you, ma'am" kind of situation.

I am not going to advise you to outright lie to her about the whole scenario here and make promises of loving each other forever and all that crap. Just sit down with her and calmly explain to her that you are attracted to her, very much so and you enjoy being in her company, and while you do not know where this relationship might lead to, you are willing to explore this possibility blah blah blah blah. Just remember to not get too worked up or not laugh or joke about this. This is a serious problem, and it requires a serious tone of answer. And well, if you are successful in conveying it to her that you desire her and you want to be with her and you are not going to vanish the moment after she's opened her legs to you, then you'll do fine.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Hey Don, so I met this girl a few weeks back at a club (she's 15 & i'm 17) I kissed her and I got her number.

I texted her for a few weeks then asked her to hangout during spring break but she was busy - but she told me she was going to another event during the spring break (last week).

I saw her at the event, and we danced & made out then we had a good 30 minutes of solid conversation sitting down in the lounge. I told her we needed to chill soon and she said she was down to chill this weekend.

So now yesterday I texted her for the first time since the event, this is how it went:

me - sun 2:06pm
I heard you good with them soft lips

her - sun 3:46pm
haha heeey

me - sun 5:41pm
hey do i look like a drug dealer to you? ..i've been asked if i had any M for sale at the club LOL

her - monday 4:17pm (wtf why did she wait 24hours to reply?)
wtf really?! you dont look like one at all aha

so how should i handle this to make sure she doesnt flake this weekend & what should i text back to this?

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rank tracker

Should I be texting a girl everyday ? She msgs me sometimes and sometimes I msg her. I feel as if it's to repetitive...

Ah, young love. I don't know if I should be giving out any "advise" as such, considering you're underage and everything, but I'll try to keep it down to the "puppy love" level.

Okay, jokes at your expense aside, here's the thing : Who gives a shit if she replied 24 hours late? She did reply, didn't she? She didn't leave you hanging or worse, straight out ignored you after that message. So, why worry so much?

Also, if you're trying to get into a conversation with her, try to prevent your second line from coming across as an accusation. Okay? Try to have a good, normal, age-appropriate conversation with the girl.

Also, what's with the replying to her after an hour and a half after her replying to you after an hour and a half? Trying to copy her response time to not across as "needy" is bullshit and women can read that. If you get a message, reply instantly or at the quickest opportunity, that way if you've caught her in a state of free time, you can have a quick message conversation with her. Waiting for hours and then replying gives out the "trying too hard" message, and that's pathetic.

So, take the requisite pointers from my suggestions and work on that. You'll do fine.

And kids, play safe.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

"Text her when you have something to say."

Basic rule of texting.

You'll do well to heed to it.

Also, sporadic messaging never leads to anything big. Ever. So, you might want to rethink your 'sometimes I'll message, sometimes she'll message' strategy.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "