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 Post subject: Looking for advice
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:05 am 
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So the problem is...

On saturday night, I slept with a really nice good looking girl. Shes a bit older than me, 24, and Im 21.

I go overseas in 3 weeks.

On monday, I have a girl coming to stay with me for the 2 weeks before I go - we will be exclusive.....

SO the only period I have to see this girl from the weekend again, is in the next 5 days. And I want to... I really do.

So I texted her. "Maybe I'll have to see you again before I go ;) "
and she replied: "cheeky ;) yeah hopefully a few times."

Problem is I wont be able to see her a few times. How can I tell her that this weekend would be the last chance...

The last thing I want to do is screw her over or lead her on. Good thing is, she knows im leaving, so doesnt expect any more. But she doesnt know about the other girl coming...

So yea, really looking for some honest advice on what I should do.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:29 am 
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Hey Breaking Bad (awesome tv show)

You are about to go travelling you will probably get laid A LOT, most guys do.

You have already slept with this girl so you have already planted that flag pole, what is to be gained from misleading her any further? Unless you are ostensibly honest about your situation you are going to end up harming her and yourself.

What I suggest you do is be selectively honest. Tell her you want to see her again before you go but it has to be this week because you have a friend coming and staying and it's been planned for ages that the two of you would be exclusive whilst she's staying.

Tell her you think she is a really cool, interesting girl and you would like to get to know her better but the timing really sucks but if it's okay with her you would love to look her up when you're back in town.

You haven't promised her anything so try and keep it that way. Players operate within the grey blurred lines of societies expectations on sexual relationships, there is a lot of power in leaving things open and not allowing relationships to be categorized.

If she asks if you and the girl staying are together, just tell her 'no but we have an understanding' and leave it for her own interpretation, if she really likes you she will look at it in a positive light, if she is looking for something serious or cynical of men then she will look at it badly but you probably don't want to be with someone like that anyway... See where I'm heading here?

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:24 am 
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hey, thanks for replying.
Quote:
Tell her you want to see her again before you go but it has to be this week because you have a friend coming and staying and it's been planned for ages that the two of you would be exclusive whilst she's staying.
I like.

But the question is the timing

I cant see this girl wanting to see me if I tell her this beforehand. She would feel simply like I want to use her for sex one more time, then go off to someone else...

Would it be so wrong to tell her AFTER sex, this weekend? Or do I need to let her know this, then choose for herself?
Quote:
Tell her you think she is a really cool, interesting girl and you would like to get to know her better but the timing really sucks but if it's okay with her you would love to look her up when you're back in town.
yeah ill make sure I emphasize this...

I just dont want to cause an emotional shitstorm for her, because shes really cool... And well, Im kinda friends with her brother.

The other decent answer is to not sleep with her again maybe? even though that makes it harder not to. lol.

I guess I let her choose...

thanks

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:15 am 
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No tell her beforehand, she will resent you if you tell her after. To a woman this feels like you stole something from her and she might fucking hate you for it. So don't sleep with her again under false pretenses.

Meet up with her and give it to her straight, put a focus on 'having fun' rather than 'having sex', like say stuff like 'I really enjoy being around you, you're a lot of fun' rather than say... 'You're awesome in bed, we should do it again soon'

The best way to go into any sexual relationship with a girl is with the mutual understanding that the two of you are friends with benefits. i.e. Friendship comes before sex but only after you have already had sex? Do you know what I mean? You will have healthier longer lasting sexual relationships with these women if they feel like there is more to it than sex.

Once you have had sex with a girl once she is soo much more likely to have sex with you again unless you were terrible in bed or something, so if you are the kind of guy who likes having sex with multiple women then you want to have lots of girl friends who you have already had sex with but don't expect a monogamous relationship from you.

Here read this article "10 Tips for dating multiple women" http://wayoftheplayer.com/?p=993 it will better illustrate my point.

When you're away, you are going to meet a lot of girls who you cant have relationships with so they already don't have that expectation of you because you both have an understanding, the relationship is near impossible right because you live on opposite sides of the globe? But that doesn't mean you can't have a good time.

You can do the same thing with girls that you hook up with in your home town, they just need to understand that a relationship is impossible or very unlikely because of who you are and what you want out of life but that doesn't mean they wont still fool around with you, in fact for a lot of girls it is a relief to find a guy who isn't trying to rush things and know's how to play it cool.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:39 am 
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Quote:
The best way to go into any sexual relationship with a girl is with the mutual understanding that the two of you are friends with benefits. i.e. Friendship comes before sex but only after you have already had sex? Do you know what I mean? You will have healthier longer lasting sexual relationships with these women if they feel like there is more to it than sex.

Once you have had sex with a girl once she is soo much more likely to have sex with you again unless you were terrible in bed or something, so if you are the kind of guy who likes having sex with multiple women then you want to have lots of girl friends who you have already had sex with but don't expect a monogamous relationship from you.

You can do the same thing with girls that you hook up with in your home town, they just need to understand that a relationship is impossible or very unlikely because of who you are and what you want out of life but that doesn't mean they wont still fool around with you, in fact for a lot of girls it is a relief to find a guy who isn't trying to rush things and know's how to play it cool.
i agree with everything you say. i dig it ^. and yea the sex was great.

This is the lifetyle I want, so I gotta start getting used to the juggling and managing shit. Its just patchy right now because well, I got a girl coming to stay with me for 2 weeks, then I leave....

I think I kinda fucked up slightly, by saying that 'we might have to do it again' or whatever I said to her, rather than I think you seem cool, itd be sweet to hang out again. etc... but its not unrecoverable. I just didnt want to give her the impression we could be attached as friends too.... coz I dont wanna hurt her.

If you keep it at sex only, then well its sex only.

(Ill read this link now)

But hell yea, Im looking forward to gettin out on the road. New day, new city, new girls. no worries

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:41 pm 
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Just out of curiousity where are you headed anyway?

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:26 am 
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Quote:
Just out of curiousity where are you headed anyway?
so far all I got mapped out...

USA for 3 months
- Miami
- Spring break..
-Then driving up the East Coast to New York
- Stay in St louis for a while, coz we have friends there.
- Then fly west and stay in California for a while and do whatever there.

Europe 3 months
- London
- Greek Islands for a while
- Germany
- any other European countries I wanna see

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:31 am 
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Cool dude, I'm going to be in Europe for June/July, might see you around!

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:33 am 
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Quote:
Cool dude, I'm going to be in Europe for June/July, might see you around!
thats when I get there, June 3rd! Ill be around on the forum, yea we might end up in the same place!

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 1:30 am 
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soooo... Ive taken 2 steps in the WRONG direction!

The bubble will keep getting bigger before it pops.

Saturday I slept over her house... after I made her come, she did the cuddling up to me after.. eek. Then she gave me a toothbrush in the morning... :shock:

I didnt tell her anything... It didnt really cross my mind to be honest, I thought I could slip past this without telling her.

so, im kinda screwed. The girl visiting arrives tomorrow morning. And Ill be off limits..

The good thing is, Im sick. lol. Im gonna use this as an opportunity to brush off seeing her for the next 2 weeks. And just say I havent gotten better.

I really think its too late for me to mention the other girl... If she wants to see me again before I go, I got a window of oppurtunity on the last 2 nights im here... Ill say thats my only chance, as im busy saving money / sick / busy saying bye to everyone. None of these are a lie. But im just avoiding telling her the main reason.

hmmph.

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he


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