I've been having sex with this girl, and it's been less than once a week on average. She was out of town a lot initially, or had work early in the morning, so I didn't think too much of it. However, it's persistent! She spent the night at my house 5 nights in a row recently, we never had sex even one of those nights!

I've tried initiating sex with her approximately 4 times in the past, she declined 3 out of those 4 times. I have a passive personality so I've had to step outside of my comfort zone to try initiating, but having only a 25% success rate is disheartening so I made the decision a while back to just let her initiate from now on.

I masturbate with a very high frequency (several times a day), and now I'd be especially scared to ever stop/decrease masturbating on the chance it'll increase my frustration by sleeping next to her and not having sex.

- Why wouldn't she want to have sex with me more often!?!?!

- Is it very frustrating to sleep next to a girl while really horny and be declined sex, and how do you deal with it!?!

Well my friend this is one area I would absolutely consider myself an expert. I've never in my life had a problem with last minute resistance or being turned down for sex. So let's ask you a question. Are you turning her on first? Or are you just trying to initiate instant sex with no foreplay??? Chicks have to be turned on period! End of story!!! When I want to have sex with a girlfriend I get very playful. I tease them, talk to them, play around with them. You gotta just have fun and she will naturally get turned on. Otherwise bro I hate to say it but there is always a chance she just plane doesn't find you attractive. I know that's a tough thing to face but it is a possibility. Good luck!

Whenever I've tried initiating (4 times), I'd ask her something along the lines of, "So do you want to fool around or are you too tired?" Because sometimes I have a hard time reading her and would prefer a direct answer rather than trying to read her body language which feels awkward to me, I'd hate to make a tactile move that's out-of-line to her. Of the 3 declines, she'd always at least make out with me for a bit, and once it progressed to playing with her boobs, but then she'd agree that she needs to sleep.

There's very little chance that she doesn't find me attractive. We have a mutual friend, and he told me that before I moved to LA, she'd often talk about me and how hot I was. Once I moved to LA, she was the one that pursued me. I do wonder why she was so interested in me as I later found out our mutual friend told her I was autistic which I thought would have turned her off. After spending a lot of time with me, she rejects the diagnoses and says I'm just weird but in a good way (I don't believe in mental disorders so the diagnosis is pretty meaningless to me). She invited herself to spend the night at my house several times in the beginning of our relationship. It wasn't until the 7th night that we had sex, because I had too much anxiety to initiate, and I can only assume she did too since I get the impression the onus is usually on the males to initiate. I wonder why she'd put in so much effort towards me. I'm good looking, but so is she.

Ok good so physical attraction is not a problem but what clearly is a problem is your lack of stimulating her psychologically. Remember this always. Men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. In other words it's what you say to a woman that gets her juices flowing. I can think of no worse question in the world than to ask "do you want to fool around or are you too tired?". Dude you have to juice her up!!!! Like a sports car needs gas, she needs mental stimulation. Play with her. Tell her she's sexy and it's turning you on but be very playful about it. You can get laid every single night if you know how to stimulate her feelings and emotions. It may just take some work but practice being more naturally playful and confident towards her. Trust me she will jump you if you stimulate her the right way. It's kind of hard to tell you how here so just remember women fall in love with their ears. really think about that!!!

How could I forget? That was the reason I started asking her bluntly if she wants sex. The first time I tried initiating, I was more subtle about it. I gave her a massage then I got an erection and was humping her a bit but she wasn't responding. She essentially ended up telling me she just wanted to sleep, so then I felt guilty, as if I was just annoying her. I didn't want to be an annoyance/feel guilty again.

I'm considering just asking her why we have sex so infrequently and if I'm not very sexy about initiating sex. It might be awkward to ask, but perhaps the awkwardness would be less severe than the stress I feel from not knowing the answer. I get extremely stressed by not understanding things, my mind continues to repeat the questions until I can get closure of some sort. It can frustrate me and guilt me so much I sometimes feel the urge to hurt myself physically to get my mind to calm down. I was punching myself and crying all last night, I need to figure this out.

In regards to the other part of my question: For any of you who have been declined sex, how so you deal with it if you're really horny? Do you go to another room and masturbate or do you just suffer feeling sexually frustrated all night?

I'm going to be honest with you. If you guys haven't been going out for very long and the frequency of sex has already become an issue, it'll only get worse from here. Sex is the most frequent in the early days of a relationship and the frequency naturally lessens with time. Anyone who says different has never been in a relationship.

However, there's a big difference between a slight dip in frequency and a big dip in frequency. If you'd like to have sex every day and she's only willing to have it four days a week, that's not so bad...she's willing to have sex more days during the week than she's not, but if you want it every day and she's only willing to do it twice a week, I think you're better off letting her go and finding someone else who matches your libido.

"started playing with her boobs"

I find women frequently have a negative anchor there. This could very well be your problem!

Step 1) freeze her out. You need to get the power back. Vday is a good opportunity. Show her a great time...then either follow step two and give her the night of her life....or don't try. Do NOT get turned down after a day if doing shit for her.

2) google and use:dicarlo escalation ladder