Hi,


Just wanted to get some advice. So i've been dating a few chicks over the last couple of months and then met this girl at work. we started mailing texting, agreed to meet up one weekend. However, it didn't happen.....well actually, we were gona go meet but then i couldnt make it and she (out with her friends) left early. Anyway, she called me at 5am and i ended up going over there and sleeping with her. The sex was pretty damn good and she came multiple times. Since then, I've slept with her another 5 times and stayed over twice. Anyway, a couple of weekend's ago she sent me this long text saying that she was getting freaked out by how quickly everything was moving etc so i treid to reassure her that it's cool as it's just that the situation isn't how we expect things should be. Basically, I think she's freaking because we've had a lot of good sex but we don't know each other that well given it's only been a few weeks.

Anyway, last week she had this fight with her friend and seeing as she was saying that we didnt kno each other well enough I put in some effort in terms of texting her a few times a day, calling most days etc. So we went out on sat and it was my first time meeting her friends, well I ended up chatting to them too much and not enough to her to the point she wasn't in a lot of the inital conversation. So she had a word with me about this. I completely understood her point of view but then after that, something weird happened. She blanked me for about the next hr or so to the point I told her if she didn't want me here I would go. She was like don't go so i was like ok i won't and then we had this conversation where she said I was smothering her and gave the example of texting her lots that week! WTF! So i was like ok cool, i'll back off.

Anyway, so we stayed the night together but didn't sleep together and then the next day I went home and she went to meet her friends. Today at work, i was like do you want to meet up during the week? She was like i can't do tues but how about weds? obviously i was cool with this. Anyway, we got the train home together but I felt this kind of awkwardness that wasn't there previously. So anyway, I get home and then get this text from her saying she doesn't want to meet on weds ( i was supposed to go over to hers) and she needs some time to herself. Then she said how about we meet on fri and have a proper chat. So i countered by saying we shdnt wait to fri as it's builds stuff up unneccessarily. So now we're going for a drink on weds.

My question is, how do I get back to the place where we were just having fun and lots of sex. Clearly, she feels that she shdnt be doing this with some1 she's only known for a few weeks. Also, I need to deal with the smothering issue and also i kno she met up with her ex the "smothering" week so i'm thinking she's probably feeling guilty that she's doing stuff with me as they're still very close.

Anyway advice would be appreciated. Particularly how to handle the drink on weds.

Cheers dudes!!

This is a pretty clear cut example of buyer's remorse setting in. She wanted to have sex with you and she did. She moved so fast into seduction that you didn't get a lot of comfort built early on. You continued in seduction for a while again without making her really comfortable with who you are and knowing more about you. Eventually she realized I'm having sex with this guy and I barely know him. She became uncomfortable with her anti-slut defense kicking in.

You go out of your way to text, call, and spend time with her while not having sex to establish comfort. She tells you she is being smothered... This kind of kills our ability to go back in and really fix early on mistake.

I can understand you want it to go back to just having sex but it won't until she learns more about you and gets more comfortable with the situation. At present her wanting time alone she's trying to decide what to do about you and how it's going to affect things around the office. She'll either give you the opportunity to keep seeing her, friend you (Cause she wants more comfort), or she'll cut you off entirely.

At this point the ball is really in her court. You'll just have to see what she says when you next meet up.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Thanks for the response man, I agree that it is defo buyers remorse. To be honest, I don't want to go back to just having sex but wanna get back to having fun and forget the heavy talk/seriousness but since the siutation has now arisen I have to deal with it somehow.....evn if it's dong nothing.

I was thinking of flaking but to be honest, I know this could work in terms of DHV but I reckon i can DHV and still meet her. What I'm thinking is that I need to break down the buyers remorse systematically. So between now and tmr, I'm gonna try and list all the possible reasons she's freaked out and then think of ways of destroying those ideas.

I think her meeting her ex is one of the major issues but I have an ace up my sleeve in that I still live with my ex so if i allude to the fact that I still have feelings for my ex but that I've realised I need to move on and live life for me, I think this will remind her of why she broke up with him in the 1st place plus it will also imply that we are on the same level. I honestly do feel guilty that my ex is seeing me going out with next chicks as we were together for 6 years. Still deciding whether I should say this or not but I think this could work seeing as if I drop it as I have all these mixed emotions then that will show connection.

The other major issue is obviously that we've had quite a lot of sex but I didn't build comfort enough therefore, I think it might be a good idea to make her feel special whilst still maybe doing some push/pull DHV. At the end of the day the situation is what it is therefore some stuff has to be dealt with head-on but obviously not making things too serious.

I think the fact she suggested going for a drink maybe important as she sent the first tx saying she needed space and then sent, let's go for a drink and proper chat on fri. So i'm figuring she sent the 1st text saying she needed space but then realised that could be the end of things and so sent the 2nd text. Therfore, I do think there is a chance but I need to be at peak performance........

Also, I guess I probably need to decide whether I want to take this all the way as if not then it's not worth the effort. I do think telling her that if she's "not into me anymore then to tell me as I will and can move on" maybe a good thing to do as it DLV's but then DHVs.

Her being scared of getting hurt is another thing that needs to be dealt with. I think in this particular situation, the best way to deal with that is ironically to display some DLV and show that I do have a sensitive side, I'm toying with telling her some really deep stuff about me......from my childhood and how it's made me who I am today. I'm reckoning that this way, she's seen the c&f side, the alpha side (particularly in the bedroom) so i've found that msot chicks do dig guys that can emotionally connect but it just needs to be done in a non-needy way hence by DLV about a personal experience rather than just trying to understand her problems (which could come across as trying too hard) might work better.

Finally, I think the most important thing is that whilst there will have to be some kinda serious conversation, to try and make the whole thing fun so that she remembers that being with me is fun and that she does enjoy it. Afterall, I must have made her orgasm at least 10-15 times during the 5 times we've had sex so she'll defo remember that.......maybe that explains the lets go for a drink.........she does wanna give it a chance but she's scared. But yeah, my final thought is to keep any sex-talk to a minimum, that doesn't mean not trying to build comfort and attraction but clearly if she's feeling the anti-slut thing then I probably should steer clear of any overly sexual talk........well in the beginning anyway and then just see how things go.

I guess the balance now is to DHV myself whilst on the other hand giving her some props too......

what you guys think? long shot but I reckon it's worth a go and beats sitting at home thinking about it! I'll be honest, I do like her quite a lot but this will probably be my one and only attempt to overcome the situation.......unless progress is made in which case obviously i'll continue.