Relationships and Monogamy/Fidelity



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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:26 pm 
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For the last eight months I've been in a commited relationship. It has been fantastic and at the risk of sounding melodramatic I love her more than anything. But in a few weeks I'll be moving away to university without her.
In the months between my discovery of the PUA community and meeting my GF picking up women became a huge part of my life. Giving it up has been very difficult, but harder have been the numerous opportunities I have turned down for the sake of my relationship. Fidelity is very rewarding but I can't help but notice that my social life has suffered to a certain degree. I see little point in going out when I know that my night is limited to drinking, chatting and returning home alone. I'm afraid that by remaining faithful to an absent GF whilst at uni, I'll be missing out on the greatest sexual opportunity of my life.
On the other hand breaking up with my GF will mean losing the most amazing woman I've ever met. I suppose the obvious solution would be an open relationship. However I have no idea how to suggest it. We don't have a jealous relationship; we frequently mention other people that we find attractive. But she has always made it clear that she couldn't cope if I cheated. One time I half jokeingly suggested a threesome with another girl, and she said she didn't like the idea of 'sharing me.' I doubt she'd be entirely happy if I began sleeping with other women.
So what should I do? Should I try to suggest an open relationship in order to prevent wasting what could potentially be the best years of my life? Or should I count my blessings and avoid losing something great?
If anyone has any experiance and/or advice on suggesting and open relationship (or anything else mentioned previously) it would be well appreciated.

Many thanks

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:43 pm 
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Actually had a similar situation when going to uni. Had been together with my GF for 2.5 years. I loved her, like you say, more than anything, but for some reason I still dreamed of just picking up girls, flirting a lot, the thrill of the hunt, you know what I'm talking about. Ended up cheating on her on some introduction camp. Stayed with girl #2 for half a year out of guilt, and after that remained single.

Now I'm NOT saying you should break-up, don't get me wrong. I just think you need to choose. Your girl, or other girls. You must be willing to give up PUA altogether, or else I think deep down you already know the answer. I never chose, and looking back I should've known this was coming. Don't make the same mistake as I did, and commit yourself to whatever choice it may be that you make.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:49 pm 
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This is always a tough situation. Happens all the time when people go off to college, but it also happens later in life when job opportunities force people into different places.

I know 8 months seems like a long relationship, but the fact is that you are young if you're just starting college, and while this girl seems incredibly awesome to you now, you are probably going to meet other girls eventually that will also be incredible. You are also correct that college life is one of the most prime times to pick up girls (not that you can't get laid after college, but I always feel sorry for guys who spend all or most of their college life in an ldr).

IMO, ldr's rarely, if ever work. The chances of you and your current gf staying together when going to completely different schools is very small, and it is true that your social life will not be as fun if you are not able to pick up girls and also don't have a girl to go home to.

I've never been in this situation personally, so I'm not trying to say I know exactly what to do, but I would be honest with her. Tell her how strong your feelings are for her, but also tell her your concerns about having an ldr while in college. You said ideally you would have an open relationship, but it sounds like your gf wouldn't be into this. Also, how would it make you feel knowing that she was fucking some random dude in her dorm, for example?

In my experience, open relationships only work when there are no strong feelings involved. If there are strong feelings involved, it will almost always end up in a messy breakup.

Ultimately, you have to decide whether you want to do a ldr, or whether you want to be a swinging single college guy. No easy decision considering how you feel about your gf, but like I said, ldr's usually don't work, especially in college.

Good luck!


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:59 pm 
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Thanks for the advice. Btw I forgot to mention that the uni isn't that far away (20 minute train ride). So i won't be seeing her as much as i do now, maybe once a week or so. But it's not like I'm on the other side of the country or anything. Don't know if this would change your opinion on anything?


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:24 pm 
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A 20 minute train ride isn't bad at all, I wouldn't even consider it long distance. Again though, I guarantee there will be a lot of temptation when you go away to school.

If you do really like your gf, then you guys could totally work around that short distance. However, you might start rethinking how much you really like this girl when you start seeing all the opportunities you will have at school.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:34 pm 
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Yeah I guess it would be possible to make it work if we really wanted it to. Would it be a good idea to start uni and just see how it goes, i.e how strong the temptation is? The greatest downside to that plan is that if I were to break up with her later in the year then I will have wasted alot of time, and more importantly turned down opportunities that can't be regained.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 3:31 am 
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You see yourself marrying this girl and being with her the rest of your life? Every relationship either ends in break up or lasts forever, there's no other logical outcome.

If you love her and want her then be with her. But I'm guessing you two will break up.

Why?

The fact that you have to ask for advice means you have an itch already. That itch will get 100 times stronger when you see hot girls you can pick up, but can't because you have a girlfriend.

A man isn't ready to settle down till he's screwed around enough, and meets a girl and doesn't feel an itch anymore. That's usually much later on in life.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 8:47 pm 
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As much as I hate to admit it, you are right. Does anyone have any advice on how to instigate an open relationship? I guess i might as well try before I jump into a break up.


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