How should I ask a girl out?



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:10 am 
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I met a girl online who seemed just my type not just in looks but spunky/out going and bubbly with a lot of the same interests. Well I managed to chat with her abit and added her on facebook and chatted with her on facebook I also remembered she complained about having bad knee problems so with me being a personal trainer I wrote her out a program to help solve her knee probs which she replied to and was great full for.The prob is I have tried to chat with her since through Facebook chat but she has not responded and I thought about e-mailing her this message, can you guys tell me what you think if I should change certain parts etc,The main thing that separates me is that im english and have a english accent which most american girls like so I want to draw the fact im english to her attention thanks in advance this is what i am planning to write -

Hey (XXXXX), we spoke a few days back, how are your knees btw have you tried the workout I e-mailed you???. I was just e-mailing cause I was curious if you fancy going for as few drinks sometime, I know we have never met but I was hoping to meet up and see if we had chemistry as I liked the fact we are similar in the fact we talk endlessly about working out and that you also describe yourself as spunky which people call me too . Who knows after hanging out for a few hours you may give me the biggest migraine ever and hanging out was a bad idea but I want to see for myself :). Anyway I remember you saying you want to chat before you meet someone online so you can add me on SPAM (XXXXXX) and my cell is (XXXXXXXXXX), really sorry if I seem a bit direct im still getting used to the American way of dating and its different than the UK lol so forgive me if I come of all wrong haha
Anyway I would like to chat with you again sometime and hopefully going for a few drinks if you fancy it :) look forward to hearing back from you
Cheers,


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:27 am 
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You're putting way way way way too much thought into your message. It comes across as very meek and duplicitous, it's kinda like the email equivalent of saying a bunch of stuff really fast cos you're nervous and unsure of how to play things.

Quote:
Hey (XXXXX), we spoke a few days back
She remembers. Leave it out. ;)
Quote:
how are your knees btw have you tried the workout I e-mailed you???
Fine. Personally I woulda turned the sore knees thing into something sexual in the first conversation lol but whatever. I'm just a pervert. You should mention it playfully, don't just ask. When you have something like that, use it to have some fun. For example, you could say that when you meet up you don't wanna have to carry her everywhere or give her a piggy back... or say you can swing by the rocking chair shop and pick her out a nice seat so she doesn't strain herself again... use your imagination.
Quote:
I was just e-mailing cause I was curious if you fancy going for as few drinks sometime, I know we have never met but I was hoping to meet up and see if we had chemistry as I liked the fact we are similar in the fact we talk endlessly about working out and that you also describe yourself as spunky which people call me too.
Wwwwwwwwoah. That's way too much rambling, you're tryng to rationalise the whole thing. It's too deep. You need to cut all the crap out and just mention meeting up, you don't need excuses or reasons for asking other than you like her... and you don't need to explain to her the things you have in common already. She knows.
Quote:
Who knows after hanging out for a few hours you may give me the biggest migraine ever and hanging out was a bad idea but I want to see for myself :)
Yeah I'd leave that out too, at least for now. I see what you're trying to do, but nah. If you are gonna say this kinda thing, it shouldn't be immediately after a whole spiel like in the previous part. It's like you have a split personality and they're fighting over her. Leave the teasing till you're actually making plans... for now you're cool just asking her out, get her number then you can tease her like this through text later on. You can't do too much all at once, you can tell you're putting too much thought into it. Trust me.
Quote:
Anyway I remember you saying you want to chat before you meet someone online so you can add me on SPAM (XXXXXX) and my cell is (XXXXXXXXXX)
Screw that, just meet her. You already chatted with her online, you need to get texting her and meet up... here's the deal, she has to read this message to reply to you through text anyway so you're better off just asking for her number. That way you can text her when it suits you, and you're not sitting around waiting on her to call the shots (which she won't cos she has a ton of other guys messaging her on that thing). I know she said she wants to talk more cos of the whole online dating thing (urgh) but girls say a lot of things. If you talk online much more than necessary then I guarantee you're gonna end up having her as a friend - or the girl you flirt with really heavy and get sexual with and think you're definitely gonna hook up except she makes excuses every time you mention meeting up. Don't fall into that trap, get her number and meet up asap. I haven't met many girls online but I've messed around with it, and I can tell you from experience that you gotta take it off the computer and into the real world pretty damn quickly otherwise you just get stuck there.
Quote:
really sorry if I seem a bit direct im still getting used to the American way of dating and its different than the UK lol so forgive me if I come of all wrong haha
Anyway I would like to chat with you again sometime and hopefully going for a few drinks if you fancy it :) look forward to hearing back from you
Hell no. Cut it. You're apologising for being forward, which defeats the purpose of being forward in the first place and kills any appeal you may have had. Leave it out. Cut the whole thing, actually... it just screams "please meet me, I can't wait". That ain't good. I know this is all very harsh but you gotta learn, anyone who's been meeting girls on a halfway regular basis for any real amount of time will agree so I'm not just being an ass. :)

One last thing, if I'm right in thinking that you chatted for a while online with this girl and you went to the trouble of doing this whole program for her (which I assume took some work) before you even made plans/got her number then there's a chance she just thinks you're another nice guy. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but some girls will take that as a "pussy alert" and lose interest... if she hasn't decided already that she doesn't wanna meet you then your email as it is will completely kill it for sure.

So, without further ado, here is your new email:

"Hey what's up, how are those knees treating ya? I don't wanna have to carry you everywhere when we meet up ;)

Not sure when I'm free but gimme your number anyway and I'll fire you a text or something later in the week."

Bam. Short, sweet and to the point. That's what they like. Maybe not word for word, change it to suit how you speak obviously... but cut out all that soppy stuff and the apologising and making excuses. Girls hate that. Just go for it and have fun.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:38 pm 
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Thanks for the reply yeah I think you are right that I over think things, Like you said I should just keep it simple, thanks for the help, cheers


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:43 pm 
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Quote:
Thanks for the reply yeah I think you are right that I over think things, Like you said I should just keep it simple, thanks for the help, cheers
I agree. That email definitely said "desperate and awkward" to me. Keep it real. If she's interested, she'll bite.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 4:02 pm 
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shes really into working out too and she knows I am a trainer shall I throw that out there too but how should I phrase it maybe "make sure your knees are better so i can take you through a tough cardio session roller blading along santa monica beach
cheers


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 12:37 am 
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So this is my final e-mail im gonna send what do you pros think??
cheers

Hey there (NAME), is the hamstring workout helping and how are those knees treating you ? I don't wanna have to give you a piggy back everywhere when we meet up :)
Not sure when I'm free but e-mail me your number anyway and I will give you a bell later in the week
cheers,


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:01 am 
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Quote:
So this is my final e-mail im gonna send what do you pros think??
cheers

Hey there (NAME), is the hamstring workout helping and how are those knees treating you ? I don't wanna have to give you a piggy back everywhere when we meet up :)
Not sure when I'm free but e-mail me your number anyway and I will give you a bell later in the week
cheers,
Hey Johned22!

I see you have taken the advice from the fellow-PUA'ers into account. That is good!

Your previous message was too long, too serious, too needy. The second message is much better.

My personal advice is when asking a girl on a date, is keep it lightly and not needy. In stead of 'hey, i want to go out with you' [too much pressure on the girl], you could say 'hey, I have an hour off between two meetings. I don't want to sit alone. Join me for a coffee [this makes it more comfortable for the girl to agree]'. When she agrees, you could kino, DHV< the usuall stuf to her.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 10:02 am 
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Quote:
So this is my final e-mail im gonna send what do you pros think??
cheers

Hey there (NAME), is the hamstring workout helping and how are those knees treating you ? I don't wanna have to give you a piggy back everywhere when we meet up :)
Not sure when I'm free but e-mail me your number anyway and I will give you a bell later in the week
cheers,
Sounds good mate, hope it all works out for ya. I'm sure you'll keep us posted :D


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 7:15 pm 
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hey guys this was the reply I got to my e-mail

"well... I can't lie I didnt' work out all week because i'm looking for a new apt but i worked out yesterday did some core but today i finally worked on my hamstrings but i didn't have time to go to the gym gym so i worked out at my apt gym they only have a 15 lb weight so i did dead lifts with that
i was looking it up and I just dont know if i have what the doctor says i have .. I dunno hopefully that works gonna start swimming soon just need a swimming partner
in case i drown hahah
anyway gotta go have a photoshoot at 1:30 ! eeeee"


so i replied with
"hahah well i suck at swimming but i can be your trainer lol well swimming is good cause it has less impact but def focus on stretching your hams out a lot more while doing your resistance training also the shin splints play a big part in your muscular imbalance which may be the route to your prob, what does your schedule look like do you fancy going for a few drinks sometime in the next few days, cheers "


was this reply ok or did i fuck up I am realizing i am way overthinking this but the amount of times i have fucked up i dont want to fuck up straight away like I usually do

cheers
John


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 6:20 pm 
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Ok so we have been chatting back and fourth abit on facebook but still nothing I mean this girl is hot but right now I am at a lose to what to do. I mean I dont like to brag but I am a decnt looking guy, with a good body which gets women to turn heads again not meaning to sound cocky and still I seem to meet flaky people. I mean seriously why do girls seem to busy to talk for more than two mins online or not even bother replying to my im chat when shes online. I thought it was me but my mates are having the same problem one of them was Mr Spain so he has the looks plus he owns clubs so have the money but still nada, what am i missing ???????????????/


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