it's highly relevant.

any women who engages in a sex act and loses interest gets an immediate ejection.

i would never talk to you again.

sorry.

it's too rude and fucked up of a behavior to ever look past.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

read my update to the last post before this.
i just was afraid it would go TOO far, but i wasnt going to intentionally give the guy blue balls. i just want to clarify

Furthermore, i wasn't screaming rape. I was just saying that TECHNICALLY if let's say i truly didnt want to finish (which clearly I DID want to finish, so in my case it wouldnt qualify) but i was just saying that technically, if hypothetically a girl changed her mind half way through and the guy forced her to finish, then that's rape. Notice i did not say 'he raped me'. please don't twist my words jeez. This entire thread i have been saying i felt comfortable with giving him a hand job. i never anywhere suggested that i felt he raped me. i said he was way too "pushy" for me, but i was very fine with giving him a handjob and i didnt feel like it was going "too far"
the reason i slowed down and paused was because he was back to trying to get my clothes off and i did NOT want to go there. i didnt want to have sex.

My opinion on him and his behaviour.. he is immature and insecure of himself. Its no point for you to think about this episode or try to analyze this any further.



First of, next time..dont let yourself give in when a guy is pushing when you already feel you have gone too far.
Secondly, imo..its just irritating if a girl gives me a handjob(or a bj) and doesnt want to go all the way.
Just say clearly that you aint interesting on anything sexual the first date.

ok yeah, the guy who focused on that blew that portion of the story out of proportion. i didnt think the handjob thing was a huge deal.
but what should i do about this guy now that i have to see him all the time? like nobody is answering my actual question.
I won't analyze anymore why he said that thing at the end, and i'll chalk that up to him being insecure. but that doesnt change the fact that i'm going to have to see him all the time now.

just wink and smack him on the ass as you pass by!

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

you don't really necessary have to do anything when you see him.. if he doesn't bring up the topic then don't stress about it.. just treat it like any other day. most likely he will start a conversation with you, and then just go with it.. but at least he knows that you don't want to sleep with him.

haha, sure, i'll do that!

Dont do anything special. Just threat him as you do everyone else. If he starts a normal conversation, then just be normal.

LOL... people watch too much stargate and other soaps these days.... cally im not a immature guy but i would freeze you out as well ... if i don't want a relationship but i want sex and you don't want it then it's over - it would be a waste of time to interact with you.

the guy even asks it....which is a huge mistake in the first place . i would grab your head and put it down on my d*ck - and if you don't want to i would make dinner for you watch a movie and have a fun night with or without BJ ... i don't like BJs in the first place.....

i just don't know why you are asking us for explanation - like you want some psychology training - you just met a guy who just wants sex and you don't - that's all. it has to do with values and goals in a certain moment.
you also made on of the most stupid mistakes ... going with a guy who you see everyday... don't fuck co-workers .. don't fuck family, don't fuck roommates and good friends PERIOD....now you have to deal with the awkward interactions.

actually i don't know why you want to know what he's thinking....maybe it's only awkward in your head ? You could be completely comfortable if you had the right beliefs and not give a shit , you sound like one of those girls who's developing a one-itis. if you're attached every interaction with this guy will be awkward ... period...

what he's thinking ... well he's thinking 95 % about sex and other 5 % are irrelevant - he's jerking off at home while fantasizing doing you doggystyle with a american flag and a whiskey in his hands. Do you really think he cares WHAT you think ? he probably doesn't give a shit....you sound like one of those girls/woman who is suffering buyers remorse while still being attracted. you just looks like one of those people who wants to be convinced he's not thinking anything negative about you - reason 1 why people want to know what other people think is because they care what they think of him or her. 99 % chance he doesn't want a relationship , he doesn't want to marry you period.

just forget about this guy ? is it that hard ? no ? but you face him everyday ? that's your mistake for fucking around with people who you see daily....every guy who wants sex will smother you in a bar.

You seem like a weak person with weak values - first you tell everyone you only want guys who wants relationships - this guy forces himself on you and you just comply ending up in his appartment giving him a handjob. I've met girls who would shit test me and slut shield me to the limit even if they want sex...you are just complying to his over-exagerated kino and personality - ending up in useless interactions with freeze outs. Don't worry the guy is being weak as well ... if he did all that shit in a cold approach he would probably rejected harshly.

is it your responsibility or his ? ... i think no ones responsible you are just responsible for your actions and he is for his own.
Now please stop bragging about what he's thinking because nobody really knows - you are just relaying it through your collective memory which makes it almost impossible to accurate predict what he's thinking - maybe he is gay .. idk.

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lol for the 40th time, I don't feel remorse for how far it went. I said repeatedly I am fine with it. The main question was strictly about "why did he say "it went too far"?" [in an earlier post, i decided to brush that off] My discussion about the other stuff was just elaboration in case it was relevant. I never said i regret how far it went. i don't t *think* i said i'm too worried about what he's thinking. someone here went on a tangent about the handjob and that's how this discussion started. I don't know how I am weak for being attracted to him, liking him before even going out with him, and going as far as I was comfortable. If you read the posts in their entirety you'd see that I wasn't going to stop half-way through. Maybe the narrative got broken up because i was answering other people's questions.
I don't really know what "one-itis" is. The reason i brought up the pushiness was to say that I probably won't do anything else with this guy. maybe that's oneitis, but isnt a girl allowed to go out with a guy once and decide she doesn't want to continue a sexual relationship with him? if that's oneitis then i guess i'm guilty. I didn't know me doing that commited me to some kind of package deal. (sarcasm)

And i also was just asking this question because despite the strange thing he said at the end, he has been coming up to me all the time, looking disappointed that I say hi, and carry on my way. i acknowledge him, and he keeps coming to flirt with me and frankly i don't know what he wants. He's the one being awkward, not me. i don't mean to argue with you guys, but as a girl, when i a guy tells me upfront he doesnt want a relationship (so yes, again, as i said, for the 40th time, I GET THAT), to say "oops we went too far" and then to keep coming up to me, sending me videos about puppies (yes he sent me a video about puppies for some odd reason), I get a bit confused and come to men to ask what they think

someone politely told me i should be cool and acknowledge him and i think that's what I'll do. I just feel bad if he's expecting something and I don't think I want to continue a sexual relationship. I am a nice person (not weak) and i am trying to take his feelings (or whatever) into consideration.

and furthermore, from what i heard, other girls here would have had sex with him. i wanted to mess around, didnt want to have sex, so i didn't. don't get how that makes me "weak". i think those other girls are weak. one girl i heard slept with a guy, in a similar situation, she thought it meant something, and then at the last party when he was with some other chick, she slapped him. You think I'm weak? what about that? at least I am not thinking this meant something.

I agree not to mess with people i see all the time. you dont think i know that? but i obvoiusly cannot turn back time, so hence me asking this question. see you're just preaching to the choir here, and restating the obvious. i mean it just seems obvious that i realize it was stupid to do that with someone i see all the time. and the whole basis of the question is "how do i mitigate the inevitable awkwardness"

emmmm---maybe it was just bit of reverse psycology or maybe he realised there was no future in it and just had a tease at your expense.

probably this guy has heard ''we shouldnt have done this...we went further than i at first attended....im not normally like this...im not easy'' yadda yadda yadda from so many women , for a laugh he decided to do a reverse experiment and you were the guinnepig.

Theres also the problem of social programming---society ha conditioned us to believe that men are these horny sexmad beasts that will take it anytime they get it and if they cant bonk all night there is something wrong with them....where as women can suddenly not be in the mood anymore or develope ''i have a headace'' and this is seen as perfectly normal.

Sometimes we are not in the mood too, sometimes we get just fucking too tired to be bothered with sex----i remember having a gf who expected me to come home after driving to work in the early hours of the morning for almost an hour-working at least 12 hour shift of hard work--then going to college classes at night for another 3 hours to drive back home and have rampant sex half the night with someone who was unemployed and the most strenuous thing she did was change tv channels and boil the kettle---sometimes we just want to sleep,sometimes we arent in the mood either

maybe im being harsh but it is good purpose, im just trying to get something across.

you are not saying you are worried about what he's thinking .... i know. I don't read messages literally ... i only read the underlying context and what your brain or unconcious is trying to say. i read the post and look for certain constructs or multiple word usage etc, i also looking out for you and try to inspirate you to some ideas .....

You did not break the handjob off and you didn't want to have sex ...i know.. that's not my point ... i have read that one of your values is dating guys who want relationships - now complying to guys who only want sex is not a good idea , this has nothing to do wether you give him a handjob or BJ. It has to do with allowing someone who is compromising your values in your personal space.
Never compromise your values - it will lead to confusion or awkward moments.
he did pre-emptive reject you by telling you he doesn't want a relationship... only value things which are lined up or similar to your values.


one-itis means you are obsessed or starting to get obsessed by someone you are attracted to or someone that is having value - wether social or emotional. So you are attracted to someone ''special'' even tho you don't really want a relationship with that person. i said starting btw ... not a full blown out one lol
sex
you are giving me a headache ...... im not insulting you but this is just the female brain at work with all these weird unconcious backward rationalizations etc..and weird value judgements... your concious mind doesn't want to do things but since you are emotionally stimulated by social interactions your unconcious hardwired behaviours take over.... in short : you did things you didn't want to before you even knew it.
yes !

1. you could either escalate or break the ice - this could be flirting or making humorous remarks - you probably know what i mean in the proper way.

2. you could talk to him about it .... not on the phone or facebook but person to person - make sure there is no problem , no bad feelings etc.

3. ignore him to death for a few week or just 1-2 ... just being cold and saying as little as possible .

4. having sex with this guy, that is not a option i guess...

i would do a combination of 2 and 3...then at least you are giving clearity of choice ![/quote]

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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inspirate is not a word. ok i see what you're saying. makes sense. and i agree. hey, you never explained the puppies. come on, that's weird, right?
i guess i was just expecting him to nod and say hi when we see each other but not this.
is the puppies thing about sex too? puppies....sexxaay... i think i might jump into bed immediately now. I would like to do #2. choice 3 seems incredibly childish. if someone speaks to me, i don't ignore them. i mean, thus far i generally don't go out of my way to talk to him anyway, so i don't see the point in ignoring someone. maybe my courtesy responses will be enough and he will get the hint i am not interested in continuing a sexual relationship. i guess i was just worried about hurting his feelings or something. i do really like him as a person. i like number 2. sounds like a fine idea.
i'll keep you apprised of what happens.
the thing though is, i never see him alone. there's always people around. should i ask him to do something with me? not sure when i would get a chance to have the mature discussion.
what do you think? when i do i'll let you know the update to the situation.

All this because I drank too much one night, we kissed, and he drunkenly asked me to go home with him, and i said no. the next day he pulled me aside just to tell me he's not looking for a relationship. i thought that was unnecessary. when he kept incessantly flirting with me, i guess i was indeed weak in forgetting about that. i'll give u that one....i was just confused.. i admit i am very NAIVE. :-/

thanks everyone for your help. i appreciate it. I just want to do the right thing here that's all!

well whatever the reason was, i thought it was fu#ked up and uncool. For the record, it really confused the hell out of me. obviously. but i am not even going to analyze that anymore. haha it's just that since i heard that once before, i was beginining to think it was a COMMON thing for a guy to say...

it is ... in my reality
puppies?, i missed the puppies damnit ! well this is what happens if you date retards ... lol no ..... i think he just wants to tell you ''it's ok''' so he sends out a neutral message with puppies ..... or... he just wants sex and has a retarded way of trying openers on you.
o yeah and be sure to jump in my bed, we could be talking about puppies all night... imagine that!!
tell him you are smoking a sig and ask him to tag along, ask him to help you with something, be creative.
don't do something with him because it could turn awkward and then you are stuck at a bar in a uncomfortable situation.

If you are really stubborn like most woman and you decide to do something go to movies - so you can break of the conversation when it turns awkard and focus on the movie. do what you think is right for you ! .. there is no such thing as ''the right '' thing. i think the situation will solve itself now.
like i said ... if i wouldn't want a relationship and i would like to sex only, and we are stopping at a handjob - i would make you dinner watch movie and still have a fun night... it's no big deal. There are enough guys like me who don't make a big deal out of it ... and for the record ... im a relationship guy even tho i like to pickup woman , if this proves the same point.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526