Hello,

I’m sure I’m not the only person to have had this issue. There is this girl at work that I’ve known for a short while now; she works in a different team on the other side of the floor. Lately, we have been really getting on well, we tease each other, there is some mild flirting and now we have also been emailing (banter and teasing) each other at work during the day. The problem, as I’m sure you’ve gathered, is that she has a long term boy friend. She has mentioned a couple of times she has a bf, and a friend of mine who is also good friends with her mentioned that she had been with her bf for a few years now.

Basically, I’m not sure what to do. I think that if I just go with the flow and wait for something to happen, it will just eventually die out into nothing. But if I do subtly pursue it, I’m worried that I could ruin my chances and the rapport I’ve built up with her.

If I do pursue it, I’m not sure how I would approach it? For example, I have just started teaching her something to do with work, and during a recent email exchange, she asked me “So when are we getting together? For some lessons ”. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that to demonstrate interest, so I just responded in pretty much the same way “When would u like to get together? For some lessons ”. I’m sure I could have responded with something better….

Alternatively, as she has a bf, I could just forget about it?

Hey,

I know I am just seventeen, but I think I've got some advice for you. I try to hit on girls all the time with Boyfriends.

I think you should basically try to do some kino escalation when your close with her, and ask her out on some light places to go to (Date). For example, a walk in the park on a nice day etc.

This, from what I've read is a very effective way to talk openly about her past boyfriend etc. and remember, I've said this in another forum. But I'll say it again.

WOMEN ALWAYS FEEL AS THOUGH THEY'RE CONNECTING WITH YOU, IF THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THEIR PAST RELATIONSHIPS/BOYFRIENDS ETC.
So just to recap, when you walk with her in the park (on your lunch brake or something) try and just talk openly about relationships and find out all the information from her.

I am not sure this'll work, but I think if you do all this conversing about her personal life, it'll make her think of you being in her life on a subconscious level.

Cheers

Vay

_________________
'Results come from perseverance, determination and hard work.'

I think you responded to "when are we getting together..." perfectly.

Here are some things to keep in mind. You didn't say how old you are so I'll assume you're in your early 20s.

All attractive women in their early 20s have someone. There are no completely clear and available good looking women in their 20s, or if they are it is just for a week or two. All of them have some kind of boyfriend or suitor or something in the background.

All of these women are in one of three states at any given time. #1 is they are perfectly happy and content in their relationship and are not looking for nor available for any others.

#2. is they are involved but secretly looking to upgrade and will take a bigger and better deal if one comes along.

#3. they are basically content with their current partner but will be available for a hookup on the down-low if the right offer comes along.

So how you manage this is to simply flirt with, tease, joke around with and interact with every female you find attractive. When they say they have a BF do NOT change how you interact with them AT ALL. However do not overtly ask them out or proposition them to cheat either. Just continue being pleasant and flirty with them.

The worst thing you can do is to walk away from them or drop them when they say they have a BF. When you do that it shows you are only interested in them if they are available to you.

Instead keep being nice and flirty but don't overtly proposition them. If they are in their teens/early 20s they will likely be breaking up in a short period of time and they will remember the guy that was fun and flirty but that they "couldn't have at the time." at some point you will get a txt or some kind of message that they are on the market now.


And if you keep being fun and flirty and they are in state #2 or state #3, they will give you indications of whether they want to start getting together with you or have some kind of hook-up on the down-low.

(and just for a frame of reference probably 80% of women in their teens and early 20s are in state 2 or 3 at any given time?

So bottom line is make it appear you respect her relationship and don't overtly hit on her. Maintain plausable deniability. But continue to be fun and flirty and tease her and make little indirect innuedoes etc and see where she goes with it.

Thanks for the replies. Both answers seem quite good (especially the second one), and the second answer does seem more plausible and applicable to my current situation. I’m in my late 20’s and the lady in question is actually in her early 30’s (I think 31).

I’m not sure if escalating kino in the office would be a brilliant idea, I have touched her arm a couple of times after a joke and she has done it to me, but if I did this anymore often or tried anything else it would become obvious there was a change. I think if I just keep doing what I’m doing then, perhaps just being slightly more jokey and teasing, this could be the way to proceed?

Any ideas?

By the way, as they say, if you want someone to want something you have to make it scarce and show that others like it, so presumably I should not always be the one to initiate sending emails etc?