Quote:
Lots of experience on this thread, don't get me wrong. However it still sounds like running away is the result in every single encounter with any woman on any level.
My summary is this...
We put women in one of 3 boxes...
1.Don't want her because she's way too easy, eventually just boring causing us to loose interest. So we quickly just move on with out a 2nd thought.
2.Don't want her because she's too hard, selfish, rude, mean, and thinks herself a queen. So we definitely avoid her immediately and just move on with out a 2nd thought.
3. Don't want her because she is attainable. She's not too easy or too hard. THere for, her presence is the most uncomfortable. We find shit wrong, and blame her. Punish her while creating her to doubt us, taking away the trust we worked so hard to gain. We have to justify ourselves in order to leave, because no one would walk away from something valuable.
So we devalue her first, by telling ourselves she's no different, or even worse than other women.
By punishing her, and seeing her turn inside out in the self doubt we purposely planted.
By trying to get her to act out and pushing her to get mad or hurt before we do. So when she does, we push her back until the bad out weighs the good in order to justify ourselves.
So... then we can now move on... with out a 2nd thought. (so it seems)
Ok.. I said too much and everyone here may reject all of this.
However, I don't think it's the woman we should be focusing on or how to avoid her, get her to back off or teach her a lesson.
She's simply the scape goat, who we dump all our bull shit on, our guilt and our dissatisfaction with the same exact actions we have so many times taken against so many others.
This is all too true. However, I don't think many will realize this until they go through the process of experiencing it and reaching this epiphany.
Prior from going away from these forums for months, I was going downhill in my relationship "allowing my self-confidence to be broken down by my girlfriend". Between the time I got off these forums and now, I learned the ironic thing - she wasn't breaking down my self-confidence, it was my own skewed sense of reality. I was allowing it to be broken down and I used her as a scapegoat. I placed her in your "box 3" and I regret turning into such a monster. Throughout many times that I tried to walk away from the relationship because "PUAs don't put up with shit like that", I learned that there's a lot to be learned and to grow from the relationship WHILE sticking it out. I took a risk of staying in my current relationship, going through the worst bullshit, but the reward I got out of my risk is a now flourishing relationship which is all too satisfying.
There's one misconception that used to go around in these forums (or still is, though I haven't bothered to read other threads) that I've personally found an issue when dealing with relationships is constantly telling yourself in your head phrases such as: "My girlfriend just pulled off stupid shit, I'm a PUA so I shouldn't have to deal with this shit and I can find 10000000 other girls to bang", "Oh my girlfriend did something I don't like, time to freeze her out and ignore her for a few days/week so she knows better not to do it again", and the biggest one which Mirrors also mentioned "Oh no something bad happened that I did not expect, I'm going to
run away without talking to her about the issue at hand".
I used to freeze her out (maybe it's fine while trying to hook up with her, but is your potential/current girlfriend really a dog?) but I realized how stupid the concept was. If she did something that I didn't like, I would ignore her while she would consistently try to call me to apologize, and I would try to push the idea in my mind that I don't need to put up with her shit and that it's time to flee the relationship and find another girl - because there's always girls around and staying with one girl is bad!
No, fuck that. If being a PUA means fleeing from a relationship when you can't figure out an issue on your own and thus following the same pattern from girl to girl, then I'd rather not be a PUA. You can bang all the girls you want while moving from one to the next, but you'll still be incapable of learning how to overcome those problems. If that's the case and when faced with issues similar/greater than the one you failed to solve yourself - you flee again.
While sticking it out with a particular girl, you may plant the seed of fear in your mind that it's oneitis (oh no!!!). The funny thing is that you're the only one capable of forming such a fear. IF you can overcome the ego that is "calling yourself a PUA" and overcome the fear of labelling your action of sticking it out and working through issues that you can't solve yourself as "oneitis", then you become much more of a man.
Even though this is a PUA forum and what I've stated above goes against most of it, PUA is for picking up the damn girl and the rules of PUA SHOULD NOT follow through into the relationship.
You can constantly believe that you're a PUA but if you're lucky enough to find a girl who can break you and who can rid your mind of that concept, then you become much of a better and stronger person.
In short, stop calling yourself a PUA in your head to boost a false sense of self-confidence. Rather, gain that self-confidence and call yourself a man who his constantly growing. In a relationship sense, being a PUA means you can go from one girl to the next while fucking them - making you a boy; being a person who is constantly growing means you're capable of staying with one girl and learning to overcome obstacles as days go by - making you a man. It's up to you to make the choice of growing up or not.
CHAT
