This isn't necessarily a pick up related question. More of a moral situation I find myself in but I'm sure you would find this interesting and have some advice.

I'm part of a college radio station and although we are students the station is operated as a business and it's critical we work together. Recently we all went away on a trip to NYC and one of the girls in the station isolated me in my hotel room and tried to hook up with me. Now, I have been friends with her for a while and never had any intentions (nor did I think she had any) of hooking up. The week before we went away she was giving me IOI's which I thought were weird considering she has a fiance (who I know) and from what I thought were deeply in love. On this trip there was a situation were I was with a couple HB's and she told me to ditch them and we would go to a club together... the hb's were lame so I agreed but I needed to go to hotel first to change. At my room she told me she always wanted to hook up with me. I was shocked but then I said screw it and we kissed. We made out but I made a point to stop it and make sure it didn't go any further. Although we didn't hook up again for the rest of our stay, she shared a bed with me each night.

The next day... thinking she would regret it, actually said that she had fun.

I always thought this chick was real cool and like I said we were good friends. Now here is my question/problem.... she's been acting like a BITCH to me ever since we got back. I was the responsible one, I didn't come on to her! I'm not that upset over it, more confused by it.

For what it's worth, if she wasn't engaged I would consider seeing her but she is even though it is more than obvious she shouldn't be. She told me that night she doesn't know what she's doing.

Love to hear some input! Thanks

sounds like you just went from having an outstanding work environment to a horrible one. lol.

she's a manipulative cheating slut. as evidenced by your story.

she is:

- getting married when she doesn't want to be (dishonesty)
- in a relationship, but trying to hook up with you (cheater)
- she was going right for the F close (what? no flowers even? lol. slut?)
- hot and then cold, everything's fine, then she's a bitch (psycho?)

i'd say she showed her true colors. if i didn't have to work with her, i'd probably have dipped it in and pounded it all night, but having to work with someone who has such loose morals is treacherous at best. good luck.

Well, first off at this point she has total control of your work situation. I'm serious, your professional life is in her hands. At any point, she can have you fired. What's the best solution?

First, if you can works shifts in which she is not working do so. If asked for a reason, just indicate conflict in your studies, dying grandma, whatever just BS something and do not tell the real reason.

If you have to continue working with her, keep a safe distance. By safe distance, I mean do not act unnaturally around her if you have to be in her presence, do not noticeably avoid her. Everything has to be subtle in terms of minimizing contact.

Second, never bring up what happened on the trip to anyone ever again. This includes her especially. Some guys make the stupid mistake of believe that communication solves everything; it doesn't, it just makes things bigger and worse for you.

Third, if you can find another place to work where you can still learn and improve your skills then start applying.

As for this girl. There is not much to write other than she is not for you. You are lucky; you are not the pathetic chump marrying her.

Well it's not a real work situation. I hardly even get paid lol. It's just a similar dynamic. I'm not worried about my career, I was just confused on how to act around her and you're exactly right just to act like it never happened.

I was dying to ask her if she ever did that before but I forgot, and the sad part is I know her fiance and I really do feel bad for him and the situation. I'm pretty sure if he found out he would kill me haha

don't laugh too hard, it could happen!

Seriously, Mack 2.0 is a hundred percent correct.

There are some lessons to learn from this.

1. Do not get involved with a co-worker, don't do it. All the laws existing regarding relationships in the work place overwhelmingly favor woman. As soon as you get even slightly involved with a co-worker, your entire career--not just your job--your entire career is in her hands.

2. Do not get involved with women who are taken. Seriously while I personally would hold cheating against the girl I was dating because she is the one who made the promise to me and not you, a hell of a lot of guys will blame you and you alone and yes they may even try to harm you.

Lastly, the professional world has a way different dynamic now then when it was predominately male. Women can and will do anything, anything to destroy your career if it means advancing theirs. The sad part is, they can do all this well within the law even to the extent that the law encourages it.

Seriously, I have had women at work make advances toward me and I just ignore it and never mention it again and move on. Only to find out maybe a month down the line one of my other male co-workers, in a similar position as mine, was fired for having a relationship with the girl. Now she is in his position.

This scenario has happened a hell of a lot of times.

People do not understand. If you read Greek and Roman Literature, women are often portrayed as being the more dangerous of the species--even if they have less power. You read Chaucer or the Decammeron, and one again women are portrayed as being the more dangerous of the species. Hell, read Dickens Great Expectations and there again women are the one's who are dangerous. It is only, I would say, after the fifties where women take in this sort of mythical aura of purity.

Now, women are very honest about being opportunistic and untrustworthy. So, just take care of yourself man. Don't risk anything for a woman.

That's so true.. you're well schooled man.


The thing is if word gets out no one will believe that we didn't bang.

Also one of my friends suggested that I tell the guy considering I know him, that she came on to me. Something tells me it's the right thing to do and the other half of me says you're a fucking idiot if you even consider telling him.

What do you think? If he finds out and says anything to me I'll just tell him she came on to me but nothing happened..

Here is the problem, if I answer your question then I expose myself to liability. So I can't answer your questions. I will just write three Non sequiturs:

1. Lie detector tests
2. Leverage
3. Self-interest

In all honesty, the "work" part is not an issue at all. I am not worried about any backlash career wise. I'm a college student I make 150 dollars a month there, it's technically just a club that's student operated. I only said I work with her because we do work at the station but it can't really be considered a job.

I'm just trying to do what's in my best interest. If you were me would you tell him (he's an acquittance)?

OK. i've been in your situation. so i can say this from experience.

here goes: you are screwed either way. you just have to determine how vindictive this chick is likely to become.

you could tell him. it is even arguably the right thing to do. BUT don't expect him to be thankful. he may be. he may not be. it's a toss up.

on the other hand, if you don't say something, she can say that you came onto her or even accosted her in some way.

it's a bad situation. you need to exercise sound judgment in gaging how she is and how he is before you do anything. good luck.

Which is fucking bull shit. She knew very well what she was doing and more importantly what she wanted. She only said that as an excuse so that she can save face and pretend it never happen and if it did come up she most probably try and twist it to make it as if you started things.
She is acting a like a bitch primary for two reasons. One is she didn't get what she wanted from you which was sex. There was a good chance she was also horny at that time and since you didn't give her what she wanted pissed her off. The other is for a lack of better word is "buyer's remorse". She realized what she wanted was morally wrong and now she has to distance her self from you to make it as if nothing happen (some guys consider even the act of kissing cheating), as now she has to cover her ass to save her relationship.

While the others are right about women legally having your ass. In this case you know the guy and you don't care all that much about your job so you really have nothing to loose if you told him. You may actually be doing him a favor actually in telling him. And legally speaking if you and the girl kiss while off duty she can't touch you as far as work place sexual harassment goes as it didn't happen at the work place.

i would want to know. but some guys might freak out, so he should tread cautiously.

i wouldn't be pissed. hell, i'd probably buy the dude a beer or two for doing me a favor.

Thats why I said may instead of should. Not all guys will welcome such news some will welcome it not so favorably as you mention. I know personally I be pissed off, but at the same time thank the guy for at least telling me.

My bad... when she said she didn't know what she was doing she was referring to getting married

Here's my decision, I don't think I will tell him. Although my job isn't "serious" I don't want to lose it and I know me telling him will cause me to lose my job.

Second of all, this girl isn't ready to get married. Cheater or no cheater. Even if I wasn't in the picture it wouldn't succeed. As Mack said she is dishonest.

Thirdly, even if I was the first attempt for her to cheat it would have happened with someone else.



I feel it is in my best interest to keep my mouth closed. Instead of throwing myself out there I am hoping that this girl will be honest enough to admit to him she's not ready to commit. I didn't bang her and as hard as it is to say no, I did.


My boss is a good friend of mine and his. If I told him what happened to a T, would that be a good idea?

Like I said earlier she was giving me IOI's before the trip and I told my friend/boss about it and he blew it off. I am pretty sure he would believe me...

fearless,

you are going to have to decide what to do on your own, unfortunately.

the rest of us here don't know how this girl is, or how her bf is, or how your boss is, or what your work situation is like.

it would be great if you could just ignore it and have it go away. the problem is that "hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned". and in her eyes, you scorned her. you rejected her. and she is pissed off and bitter about it.

at this point, the only thing left for consideration is "how mean-spirited" is she WHEN she is jaded? she might be a relatively benign person, or she might be an eff'ing psycho. again, only you will know that. we will have no idea as we can't know her like you do.

trust your instincts. i know you said that the job isn't important. but jaded women can get you into serious trouble. it's not even about "your job" per se, some women when rejected will fabricate lies of harassment, stalking, or even assault. had it happen to me on more than one occasion SIMPLY BECAUSE i rejected a girl.

so, tread cautiously on all fronts.

it isn't your job to inform this guy that his wife-to-be is a slut. that's his problem, not yours. shame on him for not having appropriate intuition, he will learn another day what he has gotten himself into.

what none of us wants to see, or hear, is that somehow this chick screws you over because she feels burned by you. that would suck, man.

so, that's where you need to really trust your instincts. unless this girl starts acting cool about what happened and gives you a sense that it's over and finished, you need to be REAL CAREFUL about her because - rest assured - she is scheming how to pay you back.

if you sense that, take a preemptive strike against her. don't hesitate. i would go to your boss (before she does) and say what happened. like i said though, only do this if you feel that impending sense of doom that this girl is out to get you.

sorry for the scare tactics, but until you have been burnt by a woman in that position, you have no idea just how fucked up they can behave. and you will never see it coming, but in retrospect, you will be like "damn, how did i miss the signs that she was out to get me?"