“Everyone has something they want to change” I said.
“Uh, you don’t! You’re actually happy with your body!”

My friend’s response made me think. Can I really attest to that? Can I really say “Yes, I’m happy with my body”? I can. I am. But there’s something I’ve realized… something I believe all honest girls can agree with me on: No matter how happy or content we are with our bodies, we’re never going to be satisfied. There’s always something we want to improved, or tweak. Always always always. Whether she’s a HB2 or 10, you can bet she wants to change something about her appearance.


The Model

I’ve done runway twice. It’s depressing. The insecurities that some of these girls have astonish me; they complain about everything, from their weight to their walk. I’ll never forget going to the studio for a fitting that one day... I went to the restroom and found a girl crying her eyes out in one of the stalls. “I’ve put on so much fucking weight, my bathing suit won’t even stay on right!” she told me. I looked closer. She was beautiful, but so thin. I wanted to tell her that- I wanted to say “are you insane!? Look at you! I can’t imagine anything fitting less than right on you!” but I didn’t. I didn’t say any of it because I knew it wouldn’t make a difference; that no matter how many times someone tells her otherwise, she just wouldn’t believe it. “Look… it doesn’t matter how good you think it looks on you. What matters is what they think… they wouldn’t have hired you if they didn’t feel you could do their clothing justice. For what it’s worth, I think you look just fine.” I got her cleaned up and she agreed to come out of the bathroom with me.

What you should pick up from this story:

1. That HB10 you’re intimidated by is not satisfied with her looks. Happy? Content? Confident? Maybe. Satisfied? Never.

2. No matter how thin or perfect you think a girl’s body is, don’t assume she shares the same perspective. And yes, this means NO NEGS ABOUT HER WEIGHT. It doesn’t matter if you think she’s a HB11.75… the majority of women think they could stand to lose a couple of pounds, and all women hurt when you “poke fun” at their bodies; she might be classy about it, or even laugh, but believe me, you’ve probably done some damage deep down inside somewhere. Don’t risk it.

3. Give her your perspective. It’s the age old question: what the hell do I say when she says she’s fat? Answer: Tell her she’s not- but from your perspective. Instead of saying, “you’re not fat” say “ I don’t think you’re fat”; if you think she’s just doing it for attention, you can say something like “I don't think you’re fat. Crazy, yes; fat? No.” or whatever… but if it’s something she really seems to be insecure about- maybe to the point where she’s putting off having sex with you- you need to address it: “Listen to me. The way you are now is perfect. I don’t think you’re fat… I love your body. It really, really turns me on.” This also goes for any other insecurity she complains to you about.


The Naked Woman...

...is extremely vulnerable.

I remember the first time I stood completely naked in front of a guy. We had been dating for almost a year (I know… about time. Poor him). I took my friend’s advice and just stripped in front of him; she said it would make all my insecurities go away. In the long run it did, but not initially. No, initially I was distressed and felt a vulnerability I can’t even describe… and then I looked at his face. I’ll never forget the expression; I miss it… he looked at me like I was God’s fricken gift to man. The guys I’ve dated thereafter have seen too many naked women to look at me like that- I read excitement in their gaze; pleasure, curiosity, anticipation... but not disbelief. That boy looked at me with disbelief, and I laughed. I couldn’t help it- his mouth was open. He told me “wow”. I melted; how banal! That three letter word did so much for me in that moment.

I still feel it. Every time I strip down, I feel that vulnerability rush to the surface. Words suddenly mean so much to me when I’m naked; the right words can easily thrill me, and the wrong ones can so crushingly disappoint. I always wonder if he realizes how easy it is to do both.

The thing is, everything that makes me more than a pretty face- the books I’ve read, the jokes I make, my sincerity, my loyalty- these things seem to go away one by one, with every article of clothing I take off. What does it matter that I can cook, or paint, or that I’m a good listener and sympathize, or that I love him and am devoted? None of it matters right then- all these things fade, and all that I'm left with in that moment is my body. I know, it sounds pathetic. I have nothing more to offer him, no joke or charisma to hide behind. What he says to me about my body can build or crush my whole world.

What to say to a naked woman:
Tell her how amazing you think she looks- both before and after sex. Tell her how good she makes you feel, not how good it feels. Find something about her body that you really like and tell her.

What not to say to a naked woman:
If you would say it to that prostitute on the corner of Parliament and Gerrard, don’t say it to her: “Thanks”, “You did a great job”, “You’re really good”. Don’t tell her it was a mistake, or that you think she’s faking. And don’t say nothing at all- she needs to hear that you approve; we hold our breath for signs of your approval. Give it to her.


The bottom line of this post is that women, no matter how beautiful they seem to you, have something they’re insecure about. Anything you say about her weight or body will hurt her. It’s fine to pick on and be funny about things she can easily change, like that gigantic purse she always carries around etc. but not her body.

And be aware of the power you hold over a naked woman. Know that she’s vulnerable, despite all the confidence she seems to have in that moment. Pay attention to the expressions on your face and what you say, because it could seriously damage her.


-Roz

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Makes alot of sense.

Women don't need men anymore for security, social approval or any kind of that stuff. Women can have anything, get anything, go anywhere.... You get it.

So what's the man's task today?

Men are the only ones able to make a woman feel like a woman.

and above all, special.


But VAJ!!!!!

Doesn't take make me needy?

no, if it makes you needy, you're doing it wrong. Because you're acting like the girl. Craving attention. PLEASE LIKE ME PLEASE LIKE ME.

You are here to give, not take.

What about being a suck-up?

Again, you're doing it wrong. Why are you sucking up to a girl in the first place?
To get her to like you. Again, you're looking for something.

Samething with trying to express a girl.



woohoo, good post roz

Exactly.

Thanks Vaj!


-Roz

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I think it’s universal that we want to change our bodies because I know every one of my male friends (and female) wants to change something about his appearance too. Just like women want bigger boobs, skinnier arms, shinier hair men want bigger biceps, a 6pac or a big chest.
As for naked women being very vulnerable I’ve seen the same situation with many men, some even being so so self conscious they can’t 'perform'.

So perhaps when we think about how we look around others we need to think that everybody or most people have a insecurity, and often they might blow it out of proportion in their head but we are all the same and want to be loved for who we are.

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Totally agree.

Another great post Roz!

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Great post Roz. I think I'ma stop negs, even on HB9's+ :O. (Unless if I get like 5 IOD's/Shit tests back to back, and she needs to shuttup)

I'm not a woman. And to be honest, this makes the most sence. A woman is amazingly very shy about herself when she is naked. She is sharing the most intimate part of her beeing with you, her own body. She knows that guys are mostly in it for the sex, she knows what goes around and yet she decides to share herself with you.. she's sharing every that she has with you.

Respect that, she is amazing!

I remember last time I had sex with my ex, she looked amazing. I actually said "wow" to her. I didn't do it concious, it just came out of my mouth.. she looked amazing, breathtaking. And I told her that. That look in her eyes.. I can't describe it. To me it looked like she was far from this world, dazzled by what I said.

Remember this guys, this post is amazingly correct. You have every power over a women that's naked in front of you. You are the only ones that can make her feel that she is good. And they are! Don't abuse it. Remember your first time, you were the same, don't deny it.

Back on topic; Roz, excellent post, great lay-out and it'll help a whole lot of guys. Thanks!

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5 stars for an accurate assessment of women and their follies.
3 stars for the somewhat ineffective/inconsistent method of communicating with delusional women.

For the mental midgets: Aways remember... Nice = good. Mean = bad. If you don't understand any of this at all, lean towards being a nice guy.

For anybody interested in PU: Your goal is NOT to deliver what women 'say' they want. NO . . . this is the girl's goal in life. She wants everybody to think that she's a princess and for everybody to tell her so. Your goal is to fuck. The OP began the thread by outlining how delusional women are in regards to their looks. Sitting there like a seal, clapping your fins, and barking out praises is what they think they want but most DO NOT respond to this in courtship. All that barking ever does is prove to the girl that you'll say/do anything to get your pipi wet. Going the verbal praise route tells her, "I'm horny. I'm ready to fuck. I'm willing to overlook your fat ass. And I usually fuck fat chicks any ways."

Facts:
1. Women may be delusional with their looks but they are never without some justifications for their beliefs. (Even if made up)
2. There is no such thing as a 'standard' in terms of body so there is no such thing as a 'perfect body'. However, most women are so far from anything that can remotely be identified as perfect that their 'body complaints' usually hold some weight.

Ignoring 1 and 2, while blanketing praises won't get you far:
Again . . . stick to your goals. Pragmatically dismissing her concerns and lecturing her, "Eh hem . . . now, listen to me. I love your body. It really, really turns me on," - is a decent path to spend the night with your right hand. Who says shit like this? A guy who is really, really turned on by her body or a guy who'll say anything to fuck her (or any other fatty)? What does a guy who IS REALLY turned on say? What does he do? There is a reason why "wow" (+ the jaw drop) was well received by the OP and lyricaldream's girl. This is the route to take. There are thousands of other ways to both verbally and physically demonstrate your full on sexual desire for the girl and her fat body.

you live in toronto eh.
good post.

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When you're trying to convince her and just try to get sum,

yeah you're spot on.

But what about honest opinions?

You're saying don't make it verbal, rather show through action?

as in

smile, stfu, escalate?

There are certain girls who are so self conscious about their bodies that they will refuse to fuck with the lights on, fuck in certain positions, or fuck altogether. If the girl refuses to have sex with you, and she's constantly complaining about her weight... well, you need to put two and two together.

Telling her "Listen. YOUR BODY TURNS ME ON" eases that fear she has inside- the fear that she's not good enough to sleep with you as she is.


-Roz

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Kasabi, you saved me. I totally agree with you.

I will surely sound like a jerk but I don't care about her insecurities. If I am with a naked girl and I can see she's shy, I just put her hands on my penis and ask her if she knows what that means.

Roz, no offence, I appreciate you said what's going on in women's brains in these situations. But it reminds me of a woman telling me she wants a prince, "nice guy" who will do everything for her.
This is the essence. Besides, come on! Billion times when a girl told me she's fat I answered "And I am fatty hunter!" or "Well... didn't want to say that earlier..." or "See? The first step is to admit you have a problem". Just another shit test. To all the girls: you are curious if a man likes your body? Just strip and touch his penis. It's THAT easy.

Again, theory goes one way, practice the other.

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I would think so...

HB - Does this make me look fat?

Me - Hmm, lemme see... (Start feeling all over her)

If a famous movie star came into a drinks party you were at, and came and talked to everyone, and spent extra time talking to you and gave you a compliment, you'd be like "wow, they're so down to earth and friendly, they really took the time to talk to and listen to everyone else, what a great person." However, if some nobody stands in the corner all night and then goes up to you and talks to you for a while and gives you the same compliment, you'll think "oh he's just some loser who was trying to make me like him."

I think Roz and Kasabi were talking at crossed purposes here.

I think Roz is talking about what a girl would like to hear when she's ALREADY attracted to you and is ALREADY either going to have sex with you, or has already had sex with you before.

Most women's perspective comes from the assumption that she's attracted to you. They don't really have advice for how to MAKE her attracted to you, because they simply don't know how that works. It just "happens" or it doesn't. We spend a lot of time on here figuring out the right bits and pieces to project the image of someone like the kind of guy most women are attracted to i.e. confident, has women in his life, is social, intelligent, funny, has goals and ambitions, etc.

When a girl says "I want a guy to make me feel like I'm special and the only girl in his life" she means "I want the guy that I've seen flirting with other women and who clearly has lots of options and is really fun and attractive to make the effort to spend time just with me and make me feel like I'm the centre of attention," because this is in contrast to how she sees him normally, it shows he's returning her interest, and his perceived value is higher than hers.

If you do that stuff too early on, or have not generated enough attraction in her, then it will be AFC, because to compliment a girl or say she's special when she's never noticed you and is not interested in you, will seem like rapport-seeking behaviour, i.e. trying to say the right thing to get her to like you.

So, when to tell her she turns you on, that you think she's fucking sexy, that you can barely keep your hands of her?

Only AFTER you've signalled your sexual intent and she's expressly or impliedly reciprocated, and you've established at least a few commonalities and know a few things about each other.

This means it's not wise as an opener, unless you've seen serious IOIs in the form of eye contact from across the room, she's opened you, and/or you have extremely high value in the situation.

If you open directly and she's up for it, then you can within 5-10 minutes.

If you open indirectly, then after you've finished attraction and have done some qualification and comfort (20-30 minutes)

(p.s. See why direct is best?)

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