You didn't have to tell us. We can tell from everything else in your post.

I'm currently in an exclusive LTR with a girl I love.
I CAN imagine life without her. That's pretty simple, actually. I've been happily playing the field for several years before I even met her.
Sure... but not really. I adore unique idiosyncrasies about many many girls I've met, whether I've loved them or not. The adoration just happens to be more pronounced when love is around.
I don't see her as "the one" but you're telling me that I have to feel that way in order to love her? Fuck you.
Yeah, if you're an emotionally immature and romantically inexperienced child. You are not describing love; you're describing some really pathetic and undignified shit that we all went through when we were BOYS (attachment). Unfortunately, some of us never grew up.

Love is a verb, not a condition. Grow the fuck up or go back to those remedial dating forums on those free dating sites.

With due respect, I can't agree with you there. Why would you advice anyone to intentionally learn it the hard way?
That doesn't sound like a smart idea.

Few more female opinions would make this amazing thread even better.

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You miss 100% of the sets you don't open.
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Boys are not capable of crying like that, or even that degree of emotional pain. In my past breakups I have never cried like that. It is only when you reach a certain stage of emotional maturity, about 20 years old ish, that it even becomes possible.

Love grows over time in an exclusive relationship. The love you have now for your currently gf will only grow over time as long as your relationship stays happy. Love does not happen at the attraction stage; it happens long after that.

Anyway, it sounds like you don't understand the concept of caring about someone's happiness as much as your own. Well, that's love, and it's not some AFC thing about being needy and wanting a HB intelligent gf; it's perfectly possible for a skilled PUA to experience it. And, parents definitely experience this (though that kind of love is a different story). So I am sorry if you have never felt it. If you have, then great.

I'm kind of getting an AFC vibe from you too. You seem to be easily angered and quick to insult me, even though I never attacked you at all... I'm not trying to amog you; I'm just calling you out because I felt offended by the over-the-top comments (I know I said I wouldn't mind criticism, but damn). Also, did you lower my rep points or something? I thought it was in the 40's.

_________________
"Oneitis" music: http://www.maxloh.com/songs
My DHV: http://www.maxloh.com/non-classicalpiano
My ambition: http://www.maxloh.com/soundtracks

You're just behind. You'll catch up with some more experience.
And you're assuming that my love will "grow" into the scarcity mentality-based immature attachment you were describing. This is an incorrect assumption.
Excuse me? No, you're just interpreting love and what I've written through the wrong perceptual filters.

I've been there and done that, probably far more times than anyone would ever need to, and have gained a deeper understanding of these types of feelings. So, I would say that I'm better able to discern the ego-based bullshit from genuine care.
Good job "calling me out" just because you got butthurt from text you read on the internet. I'm calling you out because I know exactly what delusional AFC romanticism looks like, and you've got it up to your ears. As a pickup instructor it's my job to make sure pickup students are learning the right shit, and you're spreading around limiting beliefs that tend to get AFCs stuck in the comfort zone of seeing the world through a soap opera-colored lens... and you're doing it on a fucking a pickup forum.

No one's trying AMOG here; I'm just trying to make sure we're all on the same page. Do you see a cyber hottie around to impress with the DHV of having AMOG'd another dude on the internet? I sure don't. All I see is a dude (you) who's trying to justify his attachment issues by rationalizing it as "love" while at the same time discrediting what love actually is by attempting to put a definition on it based on terribly limited experience. That called KJing in our community, by the way.
Nope. If anyone gives or takes away rep points from you, you get a notification in your PM inbox. Also, if you constantly delete your own posts, of if they are deleted by a moderator, that may lower your rep points. You'd have to have a lot of posts deleted to lose like 30 rep points, though.

Guys cry.

I've cried! Still do cry. Cried while waving a sword once, but I think I was drunk that time.

I know this is off-topic and as a moderator I shouldn't encourage this sort of behaviour but please can you give more details on this if it isn't bullshit

Anyway, love. Personally I don't think you need to define it and people who try to are simply wanting to label what they are feeling to explain it to others. While I write the next bit I will try to think of how I would explain love.

As for love vs oneitis I think it is simple difference:
Love = you prefer being with someone through choice (you have many options available to you but this is your favourite).
oneitis = you prefer being with someone because you believe there is nobody else / nobody as good.

Lets put it in terms of car's. Take the following:




Love = you know it doesnt look like a lambo or have the space or a 4x4 or the comfort of a Rolls-Royce. Even so, it is a great match for you and therefore is the car you want.

Oneites = If I didn't have this car I couldn't go on. I mean there is no other car that looks this good, no other car that has so much space and I mean it drives so well. If this car ever broke I could never replace it as no other car in the world could be so perfect. I mean it makes a farrari look shit and it drives better than a f1 car! I better change the oil to keep it running perfectly.


As for my definition of love -

You have put it so well. I kinda had an idea but now it's crystal clear. I shall keep this in mind.

_________________
You miss 100% of the sets you don't open.
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I'd bet that the concept of love was not invented by PUA's. It was probably invented by AFC's. The term goes wayyy back, and if you've ever read an emo French love poem from ancient times you'd say "typical AFC." Modern pop songs, sad love songs, romantic poems, most these things are what you consider AFC. Some examples:

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?. What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?"

"You are my only, my only one"

"You could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding your shirt"



You guys are trying to redefine a term that was probably invented by AFC's in the first place. Hence, allow me to shed my AFC insight:

Love is a "dirty trick of evolution on the mind" that can happen to anyone. It generally grows stronger over time spent with a significant other (as long as you share that chemistry and are compatible for that feeling of love). The illusion is that you are meant to be together, are a perfect fit for each other and will always feel this way forever. Sometimes it lasts forever in which case it is not an illusion.

It could happen with your favorite HB10 that you thought was really special, smart, and witty when you first met her. It could happen with a HB7 rebound girl that you did not initially see such merits in that becomes special over time. In the endgame, when all the love has settled in, both hypothetical girls would give off the same amount of specialness vibe. And no matter how PUA you are, you should feel -- dare I say -- somewhat "attached," much like a parent feels for his/her child. Regardless of ABUNDANCE or SCARCITY, regardless of how many OPTIONS you have, love just happens.

In short, according to our traditional cultural definition of the word "love" -- which, by the way, is still EASILY distinguishable from the traditional PUA definition of "oneitis" -- the feeling of love happens to everyone. PUA's just have better options about whom to love. Which of course is a good thing.

_________________
"Oneitis" music: http://www.maxloh.com/songs
My DHV: http://www.maxloh.com/non-classicalpiano
My ambition: http://www.maxloh.com/soundtracks

Wait a second. Your argument is that 'love just happens' and then at the end of your post you say 'PUA's just have better options on whome to love'? Your contradicting yourself.

It is not a contradiction. Attraction is not a choice, but love is sometimes a choice, because love sets in slowly so you can bail if you feel it coming and don't want to spend the rest of your life loving this one girl.

A PUA can seduce until he finds an extremely special/charming girl before settling for her. An AFC does pretty much the same thing but has less options. A super loser will stick to his warpig girlfriend because he can't get anyone else.

In all cases, love either happens or it doesn't (usually not), depending on whether or not you've spent enough time together and share the emotional chemistry. You begin to value the girl much more than when you first met her. Because love goes beyond the initial "she's so special" attraction stage.

_________________
"Oneitis" music: http://www.maxloh.com/songs
My DHV: http://www.maxloh.com/non-classicalpiano
My ambition: http://www.maxloh.com/soundtracks

most love songs or songs are written in an emotional state and therefore reflecting on the emotion more than how they actually feel, which is why some writers will have a song about FUCK YOU to a girl, then a WHY DID WE BREAK UP and then IVE MOVED ON song on the same album about the same girl. theyre just talking about their emotional state at the time. even eminem said that he doesnt agree with most of his songs; he was just angry or sad or whatever at the time of writing each song.


also every post youve sent just sounds like some cheesy romcom, of course love builds over time but love is a pretty general word.

i love sandwichs, i love cheese, i love blowjobs, i love my mom, ive loved plenty of girls that LJBF'd me, i loved my last girlfriend (kinda)

and dont get them mixed up, maybe the cheese and the sandwich....thatd be good actually.

im not claiming to know but it seems that you can probably havea 'love relationship' with most girls out there if you met them right.

and say if you had abundance do you really think you'd think this one girl is the one and only? out of 6billion people, only one person can give you that feeling? is your personality that bad? Of course a guy who can get lots of women will still feel sad and even maybe 'heart broken' a little but he knows theres another girl out there and he can get her/them.

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

The "one and only" is not literal; it is just an emotion that arises over time. Of course your brain knows that there are a ton of HB's out there that you can bond with at such a level. You are actually agreeing with me that love does not always depend on how special the girl initially appears.

I too have had high school break ups. I cried over those as well but it was only light "normal" crying, as opposed to the deep spasmodic sobbing you see an actor do when a 30-year-old man has lost his entire family. I think high school is a bit too early to feel that sort of thing.

I will be doing PUA (though college really seems to be 99% social proof based) and updating my thoughts.

_________________
"Oneitis" music: http://www.maxloh.com/songs
My DHV: http://www.maxloh.com/non-classicalpiano
My ambition: http://www.maxloh.com/soundtracks

You cry too much.

scientifically love is no different than eating large amounts of chocolate which floods your brain with chemicals.

o and i think madals has described oneitis and love perfectly. that metaphor should be put in the dictionary or something lol

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Seize the day

Here's the movie that began a tattoo/jewelery trend:



The idea, however, is much older. People often think of "hate" to be the opposite of "love" but to me, this is simply untrue. You can always explain away most emotions. Think about hate, joy, fear, etc . . . and think about why you experience such emotions. Take a kid who fears the dark and flick him a light bulb. How can you do this for love?

When you truly experience love, there's no explaining it because . . . wait for it . . . here's the cliche': Love is unconditional. Yup, there really is no explaining for it, nor there is explaining away from it. When you can explain love, it's less likely to be love but rather a rationalization of why ______ is a good fit for your life.

For a gal who experienced so many heart aches, NW captures "love" pretty well in this little ditty: Ever make a girl feel like this?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye7PIyIcCro[/youtube]