OK I've been trying to get into PUA for 2-3 months now, but I really haven't been making progress. I go out, try to talk to women, fail to approach 90% of them, and the 10% of them that I do talk to, reject me.

Facts:
1. I'm in my late 20's and I've never had a girlfriend or one-night-stand
2. I missed high school and college (But I'm not a bum, I'm self-taught, I work in finance and make more than $100,000 a year.)

Analyzing the problem with women, it seems to boil down to:
1. Lacking basic conversation skills - I can't seem to hold a conversation with anybody of any gender, and it's hard to get practice when people think you're boring and want to get away from you.
2. I'm not tall, I'm not white, and have below-average looks, so I have no room for mistakes.
3. Confidence. I can't see the success. I know I can do it, but I just don't see or feel it.

For me, confidence feels like a wall: You can tell me that if I run at this brick wall without hesitating and truly believe 100% that I will run through it, I'll run through it. But I slam into the wall, because there's always that 1% doubt that comes from almost 30 years of experience with solid walls. You can tell me to go for it and what's the worst that can happen, but every time I've gone for it I've hit the wall, and it hurt every time. The harder you try, the more it hurts.

It's a fucking paradox. How do you get past this?

It's gotten to where every time I see a hot girl I feel like shit for hours, because despite having read up on all this PUA stuff, I still can't get her.

Thanks for reading this far. Any tips?

I cannot be of great help here as i'm fairly new to this.
However, this confidence issue that your experiencing, im in a similar situation (due to an ex), the image your giving off my show a lack of self-confidence before you have even started, maybe through body language or something.

But as I said, I can't give you a good reason. Best of luck nonetheless sir.

To have great confidence with other people, youre gonna need confidence in yourself first. The old saying of ''If you dont love yourself, how can you expect others to''
So what you need to do is to have self confidence. Now how to do that? I cant say,
whatever rocks your boat. Maybe get a better haircut, or dress better ect.

Being black, white, orange or blue doesnt matter. Looks dont particularly matter either, but you would have less breathing space in your game, so tighten it up well.

So my friend, start building up that ego of yours first. Now as to hold a conversation, the best way is to talk to other people, but thats only half the battle.
How much do you read? Start reading books, build up your knowledge of both your language and the world. And I dont mean self help books, PUA books or that modern crap(well you could, but i hate them). Read good books, educational and interesting. Google 50 greatest books and start reading! It truly helps!

Hmm, Sorry for the wall of text Hope its helped somewhat

The things you mention might hamper you in general, not especially when hitting on girls. But be positive about yourself, making that kind of money proves you are successfull. Maybe it's an idea to find a coach, people do that to improve their professional succes and it should help you with the girls as well. You know the conversation skills are the problem, practice those.

When holding a conversation, it is best to listen more than talk. Ask the right questions and the girl will keep talking. The golden tip is the logical levels system from NLP (google for more). Try to find out at what level the girl is talking and take her 1 level up or down by asking the right question.

1. Environment (who what where)
2. Behaviours (what do you do)
3. Capabilities (how do you do that)
4. Beliefs (why do you do it like that)
5. Mission (what do you want to achieve by doing that)
6. Identity (how do you see yourself)

Usually the pickup starts at level 1: where are you from? So when she talkes a bit about where she lives, you ask 'what do you do?'. 'I study bla bla bla'. 'Why have you chosen for this study?' Etcetera.

Practice on recognising those levels. If you bump into a girl and she says: 'I wish I was on a desert island', it might be the mission level instead of environment.

Only jump 1 level up or down. You may jump between 2 levels back and forth, you don't need to go through all the levels.

If you master this, I guarantee you hold conversations that are perceived as very comfortable and understanding.

That's one of the reasons I want to learn PUA so much, getting girls is one of the only things in life I've blatantly failed at. Everything else, I tried harder and harder until I got through, here it seems that trying harder has just made me more frustrated.

I'm usually not very good with asking girls questions. One time a girl actually told me "your questions are boring me, go away".

Top tips about the NLP levels though, I didn't know about that. I should start looking into reading up on NLP..

I guess the biggest confidence booster I need is to just find one thing that works, and do one successful pickup, but I haven't found that yet. (I even tried the newbie mission, all the women I said hi to just looked at me like I was weird.)

im sure you know this but your body language, look (style, haircut etc) not looks are one factor that can be changed quite quickly. read some body language books and have a look at styles.

a coach sounds like one of the best pieces of advice iv heard. (most coaches will offer fashion advice as well as PUA tips)

Pua's generally work on less than a 6% success rate. and thats when there pretty good. so dont be discouraged by getting rejected so early on.

personally i would look at magic bullets and mystery, simply because they use canned material. it gives u something different to talk about rather than simple who, what, when, where questions. find 5 things to talk about, then your not stuck without something to say.

so get 3 openers.
3 dhv stories etc.

watch the pick up artist, (it will help to watch other people struggle and get better)
also street dating revealed on youtube.

you sound like a very smart guy, that means that you know this isnt going to change over night. you just need to keep your goal in mind.

the thing that you need to do is apprach approach approach. dont go in thinking you will get any results. you just dont sound like your there yet. for you its an excersize in becoming a more social person,

the thing that you need to remember is this every approach is a learning excercize. whether that be learning its not so bad being rejected (which may take 1000 approaches before it starts becoming easier). how your body language is, how you could have said something different etc well before its about how to get a kiss from a woman, how to get her in bed etc.

just keep at it and dont give up. the thing about PUA is it does not matter who you are, what you look like, how much money you make. it works, plain and simple,

some of us have to work harder than others. you may be at this 6 months, a year before you actually see any real improvements, but when you see the improvement it will be like a switch has gone off in your head, it will become so easy after that,

you will wonder why u never saw how easy it was before, things will click left right and centre.

have you read The Game by neil strauss, that may be a good motivator for when you feel like your not getting anywhere!!!

another idea to try, might be taking a trip out of town. go to some bars in a town where you are unlikely to visit again. even though you might still have rejection anxiety, it might help to know that youll never see these girls ever again. the big paradox, is that to get over rejection anxiety, you need to get rejected a lot. but the anxiety stops you from even getting to a point where you could possibly be rejected. so in another city, you can go out and get rejected all night, knowing you dont care what these girls think, cause youll never see them again. and then youll start to feel more comfortable with being rejected, which will lead to that "no care" atitude that helps your game.

Thanks for the tips guys.

I don't expect to get results overnight, but I do think it is sensible to expect that I should see improvements in the short-term, and that's what my frustration was about. Yes, I've read the Game. It was amazing, and I felt like I would finally get women, until I went out and realized that no, I still couldn't, and then I got down again!

I guess I'm just going to have to keep at it until I break through. I'll try hitting the bars every single evening until I get it. I live in London now, so I have plenty of opportunities to go to bars I've never been to where people will never see me again.
6% success rate at what? I've seen people that say they can get any girl's phone number within a few minutes, and they claim 90% or higher success rates for the number close.. Are they lying?

I have a thought relative to your point about seeing improvement in the short term. I hate poker analogies these days because they are so ubiquitous, but I think this one is apt. In my opinion, pickup is similar to poker in the sense that while you are focused on an outcome (winning the pot, getting laid) you have at best partial control over the outcome of any particular opportunity (a single hand, a social interaction).

I really want to drive the last part home, because the consequence is that you can theoretically 'play perfectly' from the point of view of what outcome to expect, and still lose any one hand. You sound like a very smart guy, and I'll go as far to say that like many smart guys I know, you are probably quick to evaluate the results of any experiment and arrive at all kinds of conclusions. Don't out think yourself, take individual principles of social interaction (eye contact, slow clear speech, friendly touch, etc.) and seek out opportunities to apply them. Then, resist the urge to analyze immediately if you're applying the principle properly, or if it's a useful principle for you to internalize, based on the first few outcomes.

One more analogy, oftentimes you'll hear about the importance of having a 'short memory'. If you're an NFL quarterback, you need to be able to step out onto the field collected and relaxed... even if in the last two series you threw interceptions. You have to trust your receivers, your line, and execute your game plan without worrying about throwing another pick. Moreover, even if you do throw a pick, you have to not get flustered and stay focused but relaxed.

Persevere man, you will have success.

A lot of people come into pickup simply because they have trouble getting/keeping women, but are fairly adept at conversating with guys, family, etc. If you just have trouble overall with talking to anyone, then you might require a bit more help. As someone said earlier, a coach may be a good idea because no matter how much practice you have, you may not have the wherewithal to ever realize what you're doing wrong. Also, get lots of practice. I know you say it's hard to practice because no one wants to talk to you, but here are a few ideas.

1. Speed Dating
2. Online chat rooms, chat roulette, omegle
3. Take a trip out of town and talk to strangers

Good luck!

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Indeed. I practice conversation skills online, too (with girls) and everywhere I am with strangers. In elevators, shops, swimming pools, everywhere. With men and women, just pick a subject from the situation. I was in the hospital visiting my dad and on my way out I talked with a guy about his kids.

Also, practice on shop personnel. They cannot reject you or walk away. Just 1 or 2 minutes conversation about the weather or whatever. Albeit one short remark and see if they smile.

Point blank, so as not to shoot blanks...

YOU NEED WINGMEN to go out with you and help you through the process...come to Denver, I have a slew of guys that will help you and go out with you to sarge together...when you booking your flight?

IN any venture in life having partners is KEY to success....

_________________
"I forgive you...."

Thank you so much guys, you have no idea how much I appreciate your help.

Cheers for the offer, Captain Morgan, but I'm on a different continent and I can't travel for a while, I'm fairly tied up with work these days.

A lot of you guys suggested coaching, does anyone know any good coaches in the London area?

This is a bit like the blind leading the blind, but I'm fairly close to in the same boat, except while I'm no fan of talking to strangers, I can pull it off pretty successfully all day long - getting a customer service job was the best thing that happened there, hands down. Just practice and more practice. Anyway, this post struck a chord with me, so I wanted to share this:

I don't know if your material has covered this yet, but to help talk to girls AND guys, I find this is often overlooked:
- People change. Constantly. You can't help but change somehow.
- You set your own course for this change, consciously or not. Lack of confidence can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you feel insecure, you act insecure, and it becomes a habit. Make the change yours. As an adult, no one needs to authorize it, or verify that you are the guy you want to be - you are who you act and present yourself as.
- So before you go trying to land a girl as you are, become the man you want to be. Don't be fake... but really think about where you're going and what you want to do with your life, and set it in motion. Be who you want to be, and adjust things to fit the "new" you. You may find some use in a site called "The Art of Manliness," which I'm not allowed to post a link to yet.

You sound like you're well off - do you like your car, or is it beat up and old, too "practical" or small, and so on? It can really be an extension of yourself, even if you're not "one of those guys" who defines himself by it. I got one that I figured would be fun to drive, and when it turned some heads and got positive comments, you bet my self esteem went up too.

Even without going big like that, get some snazzy looking clothes that you like, and wear them - not FOR something, but just put them on and go out. Have fun with it. You feel bigger, and more sure of yourself, right? You're not staying invisible, and you're not just putting on a suit because you have to for work. That's the kind of thing that shows when you talk to people too. Depending on your confidence level before, you may even notice you're looking more forward, less at the ground in front of you, or that you're more relaxed when moving. Get used to it, and once you're comfortable in your own skin, the clothes are just window dressing.

Finally, depending on the size of the city you're in, think about where you're going to practice. Now think of the silliest thing you could get away with - you know - realistically, how much does it matter what these people think of you? If there was gossip, how long would it even matter? Realistically, you could probably make a big scene and if the cops weren't involved, people would forget it in a week or two if they didn't already know you. So what you're doing, talking with these girls, is like a hundred times less drastic and weird, right? So... what's the worst thing that could happen? So a girl who isn't going out with you might think of you as a loser and forget about you in a day or two tops - but why does she even matter? Even if she screamed and slapped you, people would probably turn their heads and glance over, think "that was weird" and then forget about it.

The war is in your head. It's not a do or die mission - just enjoy life, see some pretty girls, and strike up a conversation. I know it's not easy, but like they say, "only the right ones say yes." The only real loss is not to have tried.

Conversationally... I'm no master, so I'll just say that you should ask people questions about themselves, but not hit them with a whole interview. Generally if you can find some visible common interest - whatever it is - a band you sorta like, clothes you know the brand of, whatever - you can ask something sort of general to gauge their interest, and then dig for elaboration. "Hey, you like [a band]? They were playing here a few weeks ago, did you see it?" (notice I didn't even say I like them...) If they did, you can ask how it was, if there were lots of people there, if she went with a lot of friends (which can also be a polite way of seeing if she went with a boyfriend), and so on. If not, maybe she'll say something about why she didn't go, and you can work on that. Instead of just a bunch of mundane starters, open the door up, then dig deeper into each branch of conversation as it turns up - just stay light on negative topics, don't complain much yourself, and keep your partner talking about themself and they'll usually enjoy it.

Hey Fireball, why dont you send me a PM with your details, and I can put you in touch with one of my wings. He just moved back to London a couple months ago, and I know that he is not only looking for a new wing, he is coaching some newbies as well.

You will know of course through your work that a persons friends and relationships often define who he is as a person. If you work in an environment of success, and spend time with people who are successful, your own personal success flows much easier - and this is much the same in terms of success with women.

Talk soon!

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Take your Ops.