The paradox of inner game, and how to attain it.

(For the purpose of explaining, I’m just going to narrow down inner game to ‘confidence’.)

For a very long time now, there has been this paradox floating around. You know, when you hear – you need confidence to pick up hot women. But how do I get confidence? You get it by being successful. But how do I be successful if I don’t have confidence in the first place. And so on. It’s a circular argument; chicken and egg.

Now here is an answer for you.

You may not instantly be able to attain confidence. But you can, pretty quickly, remove the thing that damages your confidence.

Let me explain.

You are walking up to a girl. You notice her skirt and her hair colour. You are focusing on being this confident guy. If you make one tiny mistake – it lessens your confidence.

What if, you didn’t care about the mistakes you made? Then, you would be confident regardless...of whether you are confident or not! Does that make sense!

So. To recap; rather than trying to water your rose plant every day, instead remove the insects that destroy it; rather than trying to gain confidence, remove the things that hurt your confidence. And that is usually the caring about failure.

How do ‘naturals’ act when they fail? They don’t care. This allows them to be confident.

All the best x

Absolutly bang on mate!

The worst thing you can do to your inner game is start becoming paranoid of whether "your doing it right".

True.

Too many people think that inner game is just another routine that can be faked. The fakers are easily spotted however...

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Yeah, I agree.

I hope people who lack confidence can really read this and use it to gain some confidence. This is a practical idea.

People think of confidence as a substance. Rather, it's more helpful to view it as empty space (or lack of a substance). You need to remove things to get more space (such as caring about failure). This provides you with a tool you can readily use to gain confidence.

Otherwise, it is often this abstract concept that people with low self-esteem find hard to grasp and get.

This occurred to me when I was heading to the pub the other day with a friend of mine who I have recently introduced to pickup. We saw this really hot blonde walking across us. He nodded to her nervously as if to say "go on, pick her up mate" (he has previously seen me pick up some hot women). For some reason, I didn't - because I pussied out - but why did I pussy out?

Using NLP, I broke this down afterwards to find the root causes. It found out that two things hindered me:

a) It was a crowded area of people just waiting to use the cash point - so I'd have a lot of rather close spectators

b) I didn't want to let my friend down incase I didn't pick her up.

Moving forwards, both of these feelings are completely irrational and misplaced, so are easy to remove by adjusting my belief systems.

With a), I've sarged in much worse circumstances, and I shouldn't even care.

With b), my friend has already seen me pick up in some of the most difficult situations - why do I feel I have to prove myself? I really don't.

By removing these two feelings, I can now feel more confident in such situations.