I got this idea from my wing.

Now before he gets too much credit I must say that I got it because he personify the problems and fears that I am trying to explain here.

Anyways, it all started a warm summer night. We were out sarging and I tried to push him to open at least one set. He had AA as usual and started feeling worse and worse as the AA prevented him from opening and his shame kept punching him in the face for not opening. So I told him, hey that’s a good set, just open them.

Wing: No, I don’t like them.
Ezo: What is there not to like about them, they are like HB9s.
Wing: No they are rich bitches, snobbish and stupid, I don’t like them.
Ezo: That’s just something you say to avoid opening them.
Wing: No, they are stupid, they only care about money and looking good and shit.
Ezo: Well, you cant know that, you haven’t even talked to them.
Wing: No I don’t like them.
Ezo: So if they would come up and ask you to fuck, you would say no?
Wing: No.
Ezo: So you like them, no more excuses, open.
Wing: No I don’t feel good to game if I don’t like them.
Ezo: It is only for practice.

In the end he didn’t open.
But it made me think. On several occasions I have heard people say that they don’t like a girl of a specific type and I don’t get it. Yes, some girls are annoying but you cant know that until you have seen who they are. You cant know if she is gonna be a bitch or not. After all, behind all of our peacocking, none of us is a rockstar.
Then I realized that most of the people out there are compatible with others based on how they see their own value. Depending on what they base their own value on. Their self confidence I guess.

People always have one specific characteristic that they base their self confidence on. Like me I base my confidence on intelligence. That is because that is my strongest side. I will get back to it soon.
We tend to find (friends) people with who we connect that share the same characteristic that we find important. If you value money, you hang out with rich kids. If you value beauty you go for hotties. You have all seen it. And we always try to understand what people around us value. If they value something we have a high enough number of, we will feel comfortable around them. If not, we will feel bad. We will feel “unworthy”. Thus, they are stupid, because they don’t value the thing that will give us the higher value. Well, obviously not.
When looking for girls we both want the girls that are beautiful, meaning that they value beauty, and the girls that value our number one strengths… like mathematical intelligence. Does not compute, that’s not gonna happen very often.
So our fragile minds are looking for a situation where we can go in and be valuable just for the one thing we ourselves value. Is this good? No.

I say that (my own theory) our self confidence is built up on different pillars. The pillars of our minds. The highest one will determine what level our value is at. Not talking social value here, talking about selfconfidence value. So my highest pillar is intelligence. If I meet someone who doesn’t value intelligence my intelligence pillar will crumble and my confidence value will drop to the level of my next highest pillar.

This is where most people’s problem comes in. They don’t have any other pillars, those are just a few bricks high. They focus all their energy on building up this one characteristic and never care about the rest. Well, why care, for me that the only one that counts right and anyone who disagrees with me is stupid. Therefore they suck and I can go home alone living in my little world where I can be king over myself and my fleas…

Or… You could build up the rest as well. I mean, if you are a teenage model, you would feel awkward in a group of rocket scientists right. And the other way around. Unless you have built those values up as well.

I am building my fashion sense, my people skills, my beauty, my inner game, my psychological knowledge, my folklore, my storytelling, my martial arts, my sex appeal, my humor etc etc. Every single thing. I try to improve any weakness I have. So when I go into a social situation, even if my other pillars crumble, the next highest one is always pretty high as well. High enough for comfort. And that’s the secret, you don’t have to be THAT high. Just high enough and your other sides will compensate. But you cannot be at zero in their core or your other pillars will be mercilessly removed…

So people, what I am gonna tell you is that you need to work with the things that are your weak sides. I mean, yes it is easier to work with something you are already good at because you wont fail so badly. But on the other hand, you will never improve either. So even if it hurts… Work on your weak points!

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

I'm in complete agreement with you, Ezo, that it's essential to develop a rich and varied portfolio of knowledge, skills, and sensibilities. Where I disagree is on the idea that a particular pillar of confidence crumbles in contexts in which it isn't valued. I think you're conflating situational value with confidence. One pillar or another might not be useful in a certain situation, but I don't think that that means you necessarily take a resultant hit to that component of your overall confidence. For example, if intelligence is one of my pillars and I enter a situation in which the other people don't prize intelligence, I don't feel any less confident because of it. At most, that pillar lacks situational usefulness, but it doesn't need to crumble as a bolster of your confidence. And in fact, even though the other people in a particular situation might not value a particular pillar of yours, it doesn't mean that that pillar can't be useful to you anyway in achieving your pickup goals. It could very well serve you in successfully navigating the situation -- and in ways that have nothing to do with others' perception of, or compatibility with, it.

Good post, though.

Peace,
Ciornia

Nice one Ezo.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Hmmm... This is a very interesting idea, but I think it applies very well to my game

For instance, I am very intelligent, and I am also a powerlifter... These two "pillars" encompass a large portion of my confidence

However, I also attend a top 10 school... Everyone I meet at school is an intellectual peer... And the women I meet outside of school tend to "neg" me on my intelligence... Therefore, at this point in my life, my intelligence pillar crumbles in most social situations

Most of my success is then based on whether or not the women's "type" is a bigger, muscular guy... When a women places value on my strength and size, I have a very good close rate... But when she does not, my game is not yet at a point when I can compensate and close with a decent success rate

I need to work on other aspects of myself, especially my personality and being more social, to improve my game instead of only DHVing with these two pillars

My overall success rate hasn't increased dramatically since I joined the community... I could close the first group about as well as an AFC as I can now... Really, the only things that being an rAFC helped me with was reading social situations better and putting myself in a better positions to have more interactions with females

Its about time for me to start building new pillars if I ever want to advance past the rAFC stage

I think that this is post is great but I feel this is geared towards more indirect game, where it is important to merge and connect with the group.
If you are using direct game though no pillars should crumble or other pillars need to be used, Direct game is a person pushing their pillars onto everyone elses, making them accept these pillars and then these end up liking them.

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Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it

I have to disagree here. Direct game may cut down on the time you get to demonstrate confidence, but you still have to have those pillars. In fact, you need the pillars MORE in direct game, because they have to be more solid, since direct game usually takes more confidence. At least, for most people it does.

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Don't hate, just dominate.

AFC royal is right. The pillars are superimportant in direct game.
Nope, that would be an annoying desperate loser.

The direct one presents himself and the others can choose to like it or love it...

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

What an excellent post. There are so many truths to this theory that i can relate to, its glorious!

If you put, Tyler Durden, and AFC Adam into the exact same set, they would both get the girl but in qualitatively different ways. This theory goes some way to explain that, though both PUA's know the same techniques and information, it would makes sense that they both lean towards there own individual "strongest" pillars. So Tyler may lean towards intellectual stimulation where as AFC Adam may learn towards humor for example.

Also the comparison between woman being attracted to well traveled men and the number of pillars one has strengthened seem to fit nicely.

The next question is what are the main pillars, most commonly used in set?

Actually, this is an interesting turn of the subject... I didnt mean the pillars that way when I wrote the post but yes, you are right about that too. I meant the pillar theory like on what pillars you build your confidence.

But your outer game methaphor is awesome too! I guess the pillars that people use are mainly dominance, humor and social savvy...

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn