This thread doesn't really need a reply, I just want this in my signature, but it was too long so figured I'd have a thread and just link to it. Sorry!


I've noticed a trend, where a LOT of the time I post I get accused of oneitis. Most (not all, but most) of the time it is not. I do appear to put more effort into maintaining even a casual relationship with a girl than most of you would for a couple reasons.

1) I have a psychological sexual dysfunction which makes it difficult to be with a new sex partner. I'm working on it, but in the meantime it takes me a while of being with a girl before I'm comfortable enough to actually engage in sex.

2) I have trouble understanding a lot of this, and often the confusion really bothers me more than actually losing the girl so trying to understand helps.


Because of those two reasons I'm more likely to ask "what is going on and how can I keep this girl around?" That does not mean I have oneitis.

A oneitis is a girl you have a crush on. You cant get her out of your mind.
She's like the plague, you wan't her so bad and yet you dont stand a chance or had a chance.

What your describing isnt oneitis...

Reference guide: http://www.pualingo.com/pua-definitions/one-itis/

_________________
True communication is communion―the realization of oneness, which is love! ~ Eckhart Tolle

Yes, I know... but that's the thing. Every time I post someone shouts oneitis. Look at my "my invited, then dissed" thread... just because I'm trying to keep my FWB around based on those two principles I got accused of oneitis.

Onoma,

Don't care about what they are saying, you know whats the truth. You know your value and how you feel, for some reason if people call you a necrophile it doesnt make you one, unless they have proof on that.

So... just relax and ignore those comments.

Friends with Benefits are the best, and as long as your truely FWB's and you dont have any other feelings then that. Alls good, you know whats best.

_________________
True communication is communion―the realization of oneness, which is love! ~ Eckhart Tolle

Oh I know, the problem is that it gets in the way of getting actual advice because people just want to say "find another girl to screw" rather than helping me to figure out the current situation.
Sounds like you're experienced on the matter... got any tips for me?

Thats because most of the people in this community don't care to listen anymore these days. You'll be stemped of as a idiot if you dont wear a fluffy hat and talk like mystery. For some reason i'm not one of those guys, but i'll still respect the guys whom wear a fluffy hat and live like mystery.

Never forget that the actual power to solve an issue is always deep within yourself. It sometimes takes up to a few minutes and otherwise might just take up to a few hours.
Just to keep it real, be honest in what your desires are and what your limits are.
These days communication is where all the problems start to excist. We don't want to be honest because we might hurt a person our two or loose a friend or two. For what it's worth just keep true to your honest self, respect the girls and you'll be good with it, work out the problems you'll find worth working on.

As long as your honest, you'll find out there is no limit to what you can do and how much FWB's you can actually have. Not that i want more then 4 but hence thats possible.

Hope you can work with my opinion, if you need any further advice, you can always contact me.

_________________
True communication is communion―the realization of oneness, which is love! ~ Eckhart Tolle

You know... not me YOU know it's BS, you want people to pet you and say "owe... so that's the reason.. " those statements give you 2 things : a reason not to improve, and ego boosters (the wrong ones, the ones which tap your ego in a "I have so much problems" way)

SNAP OUT OF IT.. be free, that's what this thing is all about


(after edit)
and another thing... it's not onitits when you like a girl, that's fine, get attached enjoy it . be sad if she leaves you that's ok

onitits is like a disease where your'e stuck inlove with a girl but just showing neediness and not doing anything, it's when you don't fuck her but totally inlove with her, and she is not

_________________
"StreetLight!! Stop seeing every problem in life like it's a chick you didn't hit on!"

4!?! I can barely even _date_ 2 girls... how do you find the time?

Thats called time management.

_________________
True communication is communion―the realization of oneness, which is love! ~ Eckhart Tolle

Not something I'm very good at...


EDIT: Also wanted to say that you're pretty much the first who said to be honest with her, rather than just say freeze her out or back off and give her space. Part of me really wants to just talk through it and see how it turns out... and frankly, even if she's not interested in the sex anymore I think I'd feel better about that than I do about stressing over a freezeout. I just keep getting told that doing so is going to make things worse...

I'll give it some more thought, but thanks!

I've been accused of oneitis when asking about something that happened after a third date before. I think Wesley is right about people jumping to that as some sort of snake oil.

However, that doesn't really help does it? Sure, eventually you get good at getting the next girl... but you're not learning from the mistakes which cost you the previous one either.

It's not an excuse to "not improve" it's my demand to give me actionable information so that I CAN improve.

then why do u publish it so boldly

look man, I read youre other post I don't see onitits there, you like the girl and it's cool, it would be bad if you wouldn't actually.. I just really don't like when people want pets n their "struggling/sad/pathetic/emo" ego... I'm NOT saying you are, we all have this side, but don't nurture it, it can't help you in anything it only slows you down


and maybe it's a realization and not pet's on ego... well I'll tell you one more thing that might help... youre not special, it's NOT speial, it's a fear you created, it disapears if you confront it, and there are NO pretty words that will fog it or put flowers or butterfly, youre afraid of sex with new partners, that's cool, every guy is a bit afraid, at least a bit, at least sometimes, it's not "psychological sexual dysfunction"

_________________
"StreetLight!! Stop seeing every problem in life like it's a chick you didn't hit on!"

Good, but someone did. That's the problem, it has become all too easy for people around here to just say "it's oneitis, move on." That's fine if you never really want to be with someone beyond a few nights, but it's not going to get you very far if you do.

PUA is to some extent focused on getting the girl, not keeping one. Which is fine, I guess.. but keeping one is the next step isn't it?

Except that it is.

This isn't performance anxiety, or just inhibition. This is "I don't feel sexual the way a man is supposed to." You ever hear that men think of sex every 30 seconds? I don't. I can go entire days without thinking of sex, but maybe at night I'll think of masturbation. Not sex, just jerking off.

I think I said this in the other thread, but I don't fantasize about sex, or dream about it. I may see a girl in a tight dress or short skirt and my eyes will automatically look, but I won't automatically wonder what that ass feels like or picture myself banging her.

This is not fear, the fear comes when I realize that for all the chicks beauty, for all the good feelings of groping and kissing and everything else, I'm not really turned on. I'm just going through the motion. The fear comes when I realize that, and try to mount a girl not knowing if I'll even be able to feel it because I'm not really hard.

and again man IT"S BULLSHIT, you're a normal guy, not every man think about sex all of the time, it's fucking normal, you're a person not only a cock... you're making an elephant out of a fly, and until you won't understand this is a tiny normal thing, it will continue to be a "psychological sexual dysfunction", which is a huge deal and very hard to fix.

and I'll share a secret, man can be uncomfortable to have sex with a new partner, again it's NATURAL... and if someone says otherwise he's LYING

there is NO reason for you to have "psychological sexual dysfunction", wtf is it anyway???

and it's VERY annoying that you see it like that

this is a MAJOR point.... you won't get over it soon if you'll continue with that mindset

snap out of it, your acting like a wuss

and who cares if someone thought you have oneitits, ignore those remarks, there are enough people here who do want to help you, use their advice

_________________
"StreetLight!! Stop seeing every problem in life like it's a chick you didn't hit on!"

Choose not to believe me if you wish, but I've never felt the motivation to hit on women that men are supposed to. It's not just new partners that I have a problem with, I was succesful to lose my virginity and again the next night... then feeling incredibly confident I failed the next time, and nearly failed the time after that.

This is not "new partners make me nervous" no matter how hard it is for you to understand.

I didn't even know it was a problem the first three times I failed, so kind of hard to blame my "mindset."
I've asked questions and gotten one or two people saying oneitis and that's it. Especially once one person says it, several others go "oh of course, it's oneitis... go screw 10 girls!"

Just wanted something I could point to in those situations instead of having to go through a few posts explaining that it's not oneitis and that screwing 10 girls isn't as simple for me as for other guys.