Ok gents,

I will explain my encounter with a online girl. Get your laughing out, ok here is goes...

I winked, she winked back (for those that don't know about match.com it's a way to show interest)

So I emailed her introduced myself and she replied back.

We emailed back and forth for a few days and at one point I felt that she was maybe stringing me along for some validation. So anyways, I sent an email back with a dirty joke and asked to get her number so I can find out if she has a deep voice.

She replied with a LMFAO, and said that she will give me her number because she agrees to a date even though I never asked her on a date. I wait a day to call her since I was busy and because I didn't want to announce I was needy.

I called her, she didn't answer and I left a message.

Next day I texted her and through a joke I said, you were probably busy skydiving, because she skydives.

She said she didn't have a chance to listen to her messages ( I think that's a pretty lame excuse) we had small talk (over text) and that was it.

Next day, today I texted her asking her if she wanted to go deep sea fishing, which I never got a reply.

So at what point did I fook up? I don't understand because she agreed to a date without me asking her and at the last minute she backs out and doesn't respond.

WTF? Anyone know if this is something I did, or if it's a case of "I don't know what I fuking want?" Can anyone give me some feedback, feel free to rip into me (so to speak)

Thanks

the more you try to get her attention the more you come across as a chump, she agreed to the date so give it time stop expecting it to happen in 1 day. As for texting make her WANT to reply, dont just throw some joke out there and hope she replies. Wait for her to reply to you, the attention grabbing looks insecure

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'Nothing is impossible to a willing mind'

Roger that Jish, I totally agree, however guess I am not sure where the fine line lies between giving enough attention and not giving enough. I guess my days off are limited and I tried to push a date without building rapport first.

It seems girls are all different in their waiting period. I asked girls out through match that were willing to go out right away, and others are more work.

It makes me wonder if she was really interested in the first place or if it was her way to get positive attention from me?

I had one girl a few months ago wink at me and after I got her yahoo messenger tag and met her on there, she was quite willing to chat it up right away. I tried the push and pull by saying I had to run out for something. After I did that she basically did not want to talk to me. I might be thinking too much about it but at the same time I don't think there is one method for all the cases. I think it's girl dependant. Either way thanks for input.

Ofcourse she was interested in the first place, she showed this to you by accepting the date so fast

By reading your post im guessing you are thinking too much and jump to conclusions too fast. Alot of girls dont reply very fast because, this is one reason. For a girl replying fast can be preceived as desperate which to other girls translates as slut. Also she may have genuinely been busy. Or even just playing by 'girl rules' you know that whole"the guy has to call and he has to wait for X days blah blah stuff..usually what her friends tell her is the 'right thing to do'

But either way man stop analysing your performance, if she agreed to the date all you need to do is chill and let it happen, i know its annoying that a greater percentage of girls dont act as fast as guys on this but hey, thats girls. you gotta love them lol

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'Nothing is impossible to a willing mind'

Jish thanks, I think you hit it on the spot with the whole perception that girls hate to feel like sluts. Our society has programmed them well, but I know a lot of girls are different with the variation of initial back and forth. This girl was a cutie and I am pretty sure she had number of equally good looking friends around her and there is nothing worse than being judged by your collective of good looking girls.

yeah I texted her to ask her if she wanted to go fishing this weekend (deep sea fishing) she never replied, maybe my little aggressive overtones sent her running for the hills. It makes me wonder why? Either way at this point I have let her smell the cologne desperation so I think she is probably done with me. Live and learn.

Jish is right and you should wait now.

What I would have done is I would leave her a voicemail saying something like;

'' Look, it's non of my business how you treat your friends.
But, between my friends we have alot of respect, so part of it is to keep on our promises.
Now, I'm just wondering how you're gonna make it up to me. ''

This of course you don't say too serious/mad nor too happy, just tell her naturally.

This has a little dhv and she will feel like she has to respond.

Now I don't know exactly what your situation is, but it's a good thing to say. And I assume you caare smart enough to know when to throw this in =p

Good luck man!

Zendelo, Awesome brother! Yeah I am going to wait a few more days and maybe I'll call her back. In some sort of weird way I feel like I screwed this up but again I don't really have too much to lose. She is just a stranger whom I've never met.

That is really good advice. This chick is really hot and I'd hate to give up so easily but I don't want to be the annoying guy. Either way I will re asses and probably reattack with your advice. Thanks

I wouldn't read too much into it. I would definitley wait and let her text you first, or you're gonna look like a needy chump.

Zendelo, I said exactlly as you said and I didn't get a responce yet. I am ok with that. I think this one was a flake and I am not sure of her reasons. Anyways...Next!

I think she already saw you as a needy guy. So then she will categorize that comment as needy.

What you've done now you came of as a needy guy and instead of freezing her out, to convey that your NOT a needy guy, you just called again leaving that comment. Wich she will probably give a wrong place in her mind, she will think your mad or hurt, so now your trying a different approach to still get a date with her.

The next time, say it after she flaked you for the 2nd time (if the 1st has a 'legit' reason) then it will come across that your a guy where is not going to be fooled with.

I would forget this girl and go on with the next! Good luck bro

Texting that or whatever out of NOWHERE is weird and creepy

Yeah it probablly is since I didn't build a good enough rapport. The thing is, if she acted like this then it's a sign of more crazy s hit happening. So I am ok with this not going anywhere. That's ok since I have another hotty that is younger and as hot send me a message last night. This time I am waiting a little longer, and I am not going to come off as needy. Hopefully

Do you guys find that sometimes coming off to forward is a mistake? Do you need IOIs before you move in to try to take a girl out for a drink or a date that might lead to something?

I reckon this is where you screwed up, by accepting the date so quickly.

Here's the thing, you didnt even ask her on a date as you said, so why the hell did you just comply and agree to an immediate date with her at her will. ie. she was leading, she was in control, you went along with it like a little puppy, not cool.

When she assumed you wanted a date with her (when you hadnt even asked) you could have busted on her and been a bit more challenging. 'just because i flirt doesnt mean we're going on a date sweetheart ' or something to that effect. Now you are leading and if you play your cards right she will be craving a date with you and wondering if you are really that into her as you didnt initially jump at her date invitation. Besides, if she is really that hot, she is a professional at spotting needyness and eagerness a MILE away.

Well maybe, but I am not so sure this would have happened. First of all we are on a dating site so people are there to date, secondly I am the one who initiated the contact by "winking" at her through Match.com so although I agree with your reasoning for the most part I don't think that applies really to this situation. I think I should have played it cool and not been so eager beaver(ish) for her during our back and forth.

This initial back and forth is really the key. After you have them past that, it seems relatively easier but that initial contact up to meeting and going out on a few dates is so crucial I am finding out.

I had a similar thing happen to me (i tried match.com for just one month before swearing off online dating forever)

What happened was, I met a girl online, emailed her, we talked a bit by email, and she agreed to have coffee with me. We had our date, and at the end I asked for her number and she gave it to me. 2 days later, I called her, no reply. I texted her saying that I just wanted to say hi, and ask her something. No reply. I called her again the next day, no reply. So I emailed her and asked if I had the right number, and she says yeah, but she's busy, I should just text her and she'll answer.

So I understand that I probably fucked up by calling her twice and then emailing her asking why she didn't answer (I guess that's showing desperation).

What I don't understand is, why would a girl give me her number if she didn't intend on answering.

Oh, BTW, I also tried internet dating once before, a year earlier. I met a girl that appeared nice, but it turned out she had been released from a mental institution a few days before we first met. Still, I wasn't one to judge, she seemed nice enough and I thought I'd give her a chance, but she broke down and started crying when we tried to have sex the first time, and then told me that she decided she was a lesbian. Poor girl even had scars on her wrists from cutting herself.

Anyway, I think internet dating is a waste of time. For a lot of people it's the "last resort" after they've tried everything else, so there's often something wrong with the people you'll meet online.