Ok how u all tonight.

so i dont usually post these kinds of things but as chat is still down and i could really do with some help SPAM. i am gonna post it here....

ok so a few years ago i slept with this girl for a while. nothing serious on my part but got back in touch with her.... she posted some stuff on my pics on fb and made some comments on posts... all very sarcastic and quite playful. i called her out a bit on them anyway i sent her some messages the first few have been edited because it was about a specific subject and im sure it would bore u to death.,,,, basically i would like to know where i fucked up and what to say back to her if anything....

ME:
Hi,

the simple answer to your question is yes. she is slighty into me. and now is having problems leaving me alone.

i am in the process of talking her down but she is following me everywhere. she is a girl in a group of friends that i stupidly enough kissed the other week. i have no idea why she lied on the post???????

im trying to let her down gently and ease myself out of the situation.

anyway, how are you doing. u look god in your pics. uni really agrees with u

Jon

hb,
lol bunny boiler.

thanks but i'm not at uni til september. doing good ta. u?

Me:
well screw u then, dont take a compliment. lmao. yes i had to send her a rather straight forward email last night. dont know whether she has the message or not but hey.

yes im good. plodding along nicely. which uni u goin in september. u should really let me take u out sometime!!!!!

u know if u say no u will hurt my feelings so u got to say yes

HB:

wow you have alzheimers, i told you, Leeds uni, like 3 times lol.

haha i don't sleep with people who have more issues than i do thankyou.

you didnt even call her? thats just cold.

Me:
yes i do, couldnt remember if it was leeds or newcastle for some reason.

i dont have more issues than you. i dont think anyone could have more issues than you.

and who said anything about sleeping together..... i was inviting u to have a coffee with me....... who said i want to sleep with you.

and no i bloody did not call her.

and im not cold. im a warm loving generous person. and i know i cant spell.

u really should let me take u home, i mean out. look iv got my puppy dog eyes going here.

HB:
whats makes you think i'm a. single and b. wanting 'coffee' anyways?

Me:

hmmm,

A, i live in hope
B, u never get anywhere in life unless u ask
C, your fb status didnt say u were in a relationship, God Bless FB
D, i think im the shit and who would not want to go for coffee with me.

im free tuesday after 3

HB:

You honestly still think i'm that little kid who would go running back to you. Some things never change eh.

My status also doesn't say I'm single.

That, by the way, is a thanks, but no thanks. Sorry! Props to you for asking though, lol.


ok so it has ended there and

A, i dont know how it got so nasty so quick (pointers would be great)
B, what should i reply if anything. (im feeling pretty pissed off at the moment so my reply might be angry and dont want to do that)
C, is this salvagable at all (personally i dont think it is)

any help would be great

Theres a few minor things in here, but I sharnt bring them up, as I doubt they had any mahoosive effect on things...

I don't usually like giving advice on individual situations, but this one I think there is one thing that is pretty clear...


Wait, 2 things...


1. You seemed to give her the power...


2. YOU LET HER CONTROL THE FRAME



I'm not sure if some of the things you said were in a jokey/playful way or not, I'm guessing they likely were, at least some of them, however, it still looked like you were falling into her frames and trying to create an opinion of yourself in her.

That I feel, was your biggest mistake.



The 'minor' thing I reffered to, was with you mentioning the girl, but I'm guessing there was reason to mention it, which is fine, and fair enough, I've had a lot of issues with girls who were more into me than I was them lately, and I have no problem mentioning it to girls when relevant, but I feel you may have slightly played it too submissive in some way, or trying to be nice about it.

It's hard to explain, I don't think I handle it overly asshole, and nor too cocky. I think the least you say about it, the better, if you talk about it too much, it's a bit yucky, it's like you don't know how to handle it. If it's a brief 'yeah, crazy ass stalker chick, I hope she gets the hint soon enough ' that should be enough, then move on.

n Don't, try to defend yourself to a girl when she calls you on something. Fair enough, if you called the chick, you called her, but don't have to say it in such a defensive way, or just respond with a cocky(playful) answer.



But yeah, most importantly I think you wernt controlling/leading the interaction, and lingered on about the stalker girl too much. Or whoever she is.


Much Love
---
~Finesse

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

What an idiot, I didn't read to the end of your post.


In response to your posts' questions...


a) I think you came out with being interested in her too 'out of nowhere', seemingly.
b) I wouldn't respond,well, I may, but it would have to be really on point and have no intent of trying to change her mind, try not to defend or explain yourself. But yeah, could be best to leave it, though personally i'd likely say something.
c) Not for now anyway. Will have to try some point further down the line.



in regards to a) I think It would be veryyyyyy beneficial to look into charisma, and start using that to game these situations, it makes the chicks really interested in you, generally, if you can keep this up, with rapport breaking, it usually turns naturally into attraction... it's happening with me right now, worked better than I'd hoped.


Love.
---
~Finesse

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

Okay, three replies in a row (ain't you a [un]lucky guy)... I know this is a copy and pasta of what I sent you on msn, but it may be worth sharing here for anyone reading. Or I can only hope it does...


-------------
id probably say

'no, I actually didn't take you for a kid, which is why I offered the friendly drink. But I'm starting to think I may have been wrong in thinking that'

i duno
could phrase it more clearly
but its like saying
its taking her frame
and turning it back
you acknogledge her bullshit
right
basically
she's scared of appearing like a kid, else she wouldnt have used that
she's upset about maybe past experiences of being naive

so you say 'no i didnt think that' - she'll feel happier about herself

then you go on to say 'starting to think i may have been wrong' - hopefully she'll start thinking 'oh shit, ive just gone and done something childish' and MAY try to prove herself to not be childish
you see how subtle the frame reversal is

cos she's so worried about being seen as a kid, it''s possible she will need to try and prove herself not to be. Could work
i should post that
-------------



Much Love
---
~Finesse

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

yes i think your absolutly right LB.

with this particular girl because we had a history i presumed too much attraction.

also im finding generally im being far too straight forward with women. i have very little subtelty. my lay report is a prime example. no where near enough comfort.

its like im going in so strong just to be ultra confident so if i get blown out then what the hell...

my general feeling at the moment is im being cocky, but still being very afc, especially when i actually see i have a chance.

either that or i go exactly the opposite and go really timid again

anyway thanks again for the help LB.