Seemingly small changes in your character, can have a huge impact on your persona and peoples reactions, receptiveness and feelings towards you - before you even start any of this complicated game tactics/ideas.
This generally means you have to do very little in terms of 'gaming', as frequently, I have found, that girls will be way more comfortable and touchy/feely and rapport seeking etc without you having to do any routines/methods of gaming to get them to that stage. They'll just naturally fall into that way of being with you much quicker and easier.
I want to write a few very brief statements and views on things that I feel are beneficial and very small changes to your character, that go a long way in having a massive effect on your relations with people.
Two things I want to say, this *may* not be so important to you if you don't care about 'charisma' and having this 'something' that draws people to you. I also really hope I can deliver this in a way that doesn't make you think so much about what/how to do it, as you'll likely already have a lot of game stuff clouding your mind, and even if you don't, I'd hate for this to lead to you 'thinking' so much and getting stuck in your head.
(the following is in no specific order)
Listening
How are you listening to people? Are you talking with people whilst
thinking about what to say next? Are you paying attention to what the other person is saying? Are you making them feel listened to? Do you appear genuinely interested in what they're talking about? If not, what effect do you think this has on the other person? How would you feel if someone wasn't doing these things?
Heres a few quotes about listening to people...
- "Exclusive attetion to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that." ~ Former Harvard president Charles W. Elliot
"The chronic kicker, even the most violent critic, will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener." ~ Dale Carnegie
Many people fail to make a favourable impression because they don't listen attentively. "They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open... Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait." ~ Isaac F. Morcosson (Journalist)
Seductive listening: "You are way better looking when you are listening vs. when you are talking. Shut up." ~ 60 Years of Challenge
Do you often talk about yourself when you're conversing with others? Do you talk about everything that you do, all the good things you do, all the things you find fun? Why...? Because it interests you, right? It doesn't likely interest others, people are much more interested in talking about themselfs and what interests them (hence why you like talking about yourself). You may walk away from a conversation after having spoke about yourself for ages, and everything good in your life, feeling happy and that it was a great conversation, others may not be feeling the same as you. If you get them talking about themselfs, perhaps it would be safe to say they walk away feeling happy about the conversation.
Non-judgementalness
This could be good for you guys who go out harshly judging girls against these strict set of 'requirements' you have. People don't like people people who make them have to prove or explain themselfs. Judging people will make them consiously unhappy in your presence. It causes people to be uncomfortable and self consious. When people feel free to be themselfs and not be judged on who they are, they will be much more comfortable and natural around you, and will enjoy being in your presence.
Teasing
Many people interpret 'teasing' as saying something horrible to the other person, or just making fun of them. I don't like to view it this way. I believe its good to joke about and play on the differences you share, for example if someone smokes, and you don't, teasing at this oppurtunity, making jokes about them, and yourself (must be able to laugh at yourself and let others laugh at you too) this shows that the differences you share are nothing to be feared or cautious of, again, making people much more comfortable in your presence. Teasing can be a very tricky thing to do very extreme and well, and isn't necessary in making people like you, infact, done wrong, can be non beneficial. That being said, it's always important to be comfortable with and able to laugh at yourself. Also make ridiculous (mis)assumptions about them. For example, if a chick is wearing all black, comment on it and make up some shit about her being a ninja. Whatever.
Positivity
No one likes an emo.
You don't need to force positivity unto them, you don't need to tell them how to think differently about things, you don't need to try and turn any negative emotion of theres positive. all you have to do is focus on the positive yourself, and they wil be forced to follow suit, unless they are mega emo, even that being the case, I haven't met someone who's mood hasnt been turned round quickly from me just focussing on positive things whilst talking to them. Also, don't ever moan about how your lifes going. If you have to say somethnig potentially negative, such as being tired, you can always say it in a way it's coming from a positive place or steering the conversation in a positive direction. Besides, no one wants to hear about your problems, they have problems of their own way more important to them than your own.
Get them to talk
Probably the thing people struggle most with, either because they don't know how to do it, or because they're too busy talking about themself. The Ironic thing about getting people to do the talking, is you're going to have to put in the effort to get them to talk. You have to ask yourself what you can do or say to get that person interested in talking. Theres a lot of ways you can do this. The best way is to get them to talk about themself. People like to talk/think about themself, it's generally the most important thing to them. Theres loads of things you can do to encourage this, the best way I can suggest, as a rule, is to be focussed on them, if you're thinking about them, then your verbals will usually follow suit. Just be cautious not to start asking too many typical questions such as
what you doing/where you going/where you live blah blah... the crazy thing is though, theres nothing wrong with saying these questions, you just have to say them a little more relevantly, and as if they've just spiked your curiosity in that moment. -If it looks like you're just randomly asking about them, it doesn't work so well. If it looks like they've somehow just made you curious about them, it can be cool. It's good to make assumptions about what you think they're doing (true or false) or who they are, as they will often try to correct you/agree etc etc, then you can bounce a question or statement off of that.
I shall leave it at that for now, as I drifted slightly more to talking tactics, however, these are things that will change the general vibe of your character. Your vibe, not your identity, so don't worry about losing 'who you are', you'll only lose the shit things such as 'boring/negative' etc etc.
Go be cool
peace
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~Finesse
CHAT
