Am I being too pushy or am I good and how should I proceed?



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PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:47 pm 
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There's this girl I've known for a few years only as an acquaintance who I have gotten to know better as of late. Apparently she thinks I'm real funny and a few months ago her best friend straight up told me to ask her out and claimed her friend would say yes (said her friend (target girl) didnt know she was telling me this). Well, I didnt like her at the time but I think I might now.

A few weeks ago I texted her and we ended up eating lunch together since our schools are near each other. She was giving out some IOI's such as stammering over her words as if she was nervous, messing with her hair, and showing a lot of cleavage hahah. We just talked a little bit about school and stuff and left. One thing I did wrong was very little Kino (just a hug when we met).

Anyways, I said we should do it again sometime and she said sure! Next tuesday I asked if she was available and she said that she had a presentation she had to prepare for and that we should do it on Thursday. Thursday came and for some reason (can't remember why) we couldn't do it. Then the next Tuesday I mentioned it over text (dont see her regularly) and we set up to meet Thursday but I got sick. I told her we could do it tuesday and she should remind me if I forget haha.

So my question is, do you think I'm being too pushy? Should I ice her out and see if she initiates it or just keep going since shes giving out IOIs? Do you think she would be getting annoyed that I keep asking her to lunch and we keep having scheduling issues? Do you think she even has interest? How can I help Kino also when we hangout at lunch? How long until I should ask her on a formal date?


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:02 pm 
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Say you're sitting across from eachother at the table -- touch her hand every now and then for Kino, while laughing perhaps (after a joke or something funny). Then once you both get up, bump into her while grinning. But do it gently.

Then maybe let her get a little ahead of you, and be like, "oh hey you have a bit of fuz on your back" and gently brush her back a few times. In fact, play with it a bit (use your imagination) and say you can't get it, oh well.

I'd ask her out on a formal date asap.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:12 pm 
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Hi Roadblkx,

You aren’t pushy at all since you actually haven’t really gotten the opportunity to meet her up, not only because she rescheduled but as far as I can understand you did too (so it’s fair 1:1 for now :D)
If the girl has already said ‘yes’ ones then it’s obvious that she is interested, meaning stop wondering and start enjoying the current moment.

Also, you don’t necessarily need to label it as ‘a date’ in order to be a date. A date isn’t a date because you call it that way, it is what you do while being out with the girl that makes it a date. (now count how many times I said date…lol)

Kino/ the usual: a simple cheek kiss for a start, touch her shoulder while you talk to her (don’t let your hand stay there for too long, it might get awkward). If she responds well to that kind of stuff (that can be easily read as a natural friendly touching), you might also move to the next level. Read her body language, it will tell you more than you expect.

And don’t forget to have fun :)

Cheers
Jez

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 12:42 am 
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thanks, those responses were very helpful. We have tons to talk about and the conversation is going well, but for some reason the vibe is a little strange. Like not 100% comfortable a little bit of awkward and stiff in there for both people I think. Any ideas of how to loosen it up?


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 1:36 am 
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Find out what you are both into...there has to be a topic that would be interesting to talk about for both of you. You need a mutual interest. Once you get into a passionate discussion, the ice will be broken into pieces and you will forget that there has been any kind of awkwardness.

Jez

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 1:53 am 
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Do you think she even has interest? How can I help Kino also when we hangout at lunch? How long until I should ask her on a formal date?
I think you guys should go out in the city just have some fun! Go out shopping or something, even if you don't buy anything. I think you shouldn't freeze her out! And yeah she likes you by the sounds of it. Don't play head games, just have fun!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:02 am 
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^ What's so wrong with awkwardness? The awkwardness is there because you're both into each other and all these fantasies are swirling in her head.(And yours as well) If you continue chatting up normal crap with her and making her feel comfortable, you're in danger of turning yourself into her "reliable gay friend".

Girls will feel comfortable with both a "reliable gay friend" as well as the "hot boyfriend". Which would you rather be? Once you begin making her feel comfortable with one or the other, that's where she'll stay.

Keep her guessing. Keep it going towards the "romantic line". And in order to do this, you can't ask her to "Do the same thing again . . ." (This is booooooring) It's like asking a girl to come back to the hair salon next month so you can chat and style her hair.

Think of a seriously fun thing that you to can do together. Then go out and do it! She wants to be with you. She likes chatting with you. You keep rewarding her with these things without her taking any risks and she'll be happy with it.

So . . . if she wants to spend time with you and if she wants to chat with you, well, she better step up to the plate and go out and have fun with you. Other than that, what she gets is only a "teaser" for things to come. By that, I mean you have a great conversation with her but keep it SHORT. She wants more? She knows what to do . . . Play your part so that she can play hers.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:08 am 
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gotcha. I think one thing I do wrong is I get too into the conversation itself and continue just talking and conversing and dont use my personality and kino and goofyness to build comfort with her. this is actually a big deal for me I think. I am not forward enough on the "flirty" talk and stuff and I am nervous I will be too forward and scare her off.

thanks for your tips, guys. I am definitely headed in the right direction.


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