I have written 2 recent posts regarding this and i finally realized what i need to find out without the fluff inbetween.

When is it ok to show her that you give a fuck without coming across as jealous/needy/weak?

you like the girl, you have k-closed a few times in the past few days...but youre not exclusive. you see her kissing some guy in front of you in a club OR you simply hear about it from your friend. now I know most you will say to NEVER show that youre effected...EVER.

well,acting uneffected could lead her to believe you dont give a dam about her and you end up losing her....you could also be seen as weak for not standing up for what you want.

then again showing her you do give a dam could make you look needy/jealous and this puts her off you.

so when is ok to show that you give a dam? ie. what would you do in this situation. im really trying to figure this out so please reply to your hearts content....

well ..... make her jaleous with another girl and go to her and buy her a drink... just invest on the right moment

"k-closed?" KISSED her, for fuck's sake!

And it's a good post. I agree - there should be some boundaries. The problem is, you're not exclusive so you don't have much of a right to be pissed off at her. (well you can be, but you have no right to angrily accost her).

I firmly believe that if a woman does something retarded or uncool, she should be punished by your indifference to her. You should lower your perceived value or her and relegate her to fuck monkey, depending on what she did.

Cursing her out doesn't really work. Like I've said before, a high quality woman shouldn't need ethical direction - the woman should know what's right and wrong.

She should know at all times that if she fucks up, you will drop her. You could tell her a few stories indirectly where something like that has happened in your past (a woman you were dating did something questionable) and you dumped her.

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The “Four Fs” are the four basic drives that animals (including humans) are evolutionarily adapted to be good at: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction.

interesting question. when is it ok to be reactive?

i don't think its a question of whether or not one should be reactive or unaffected, but rather just how reactive or unaffected someone should be. i definately agree with you that being COMPLETELY unreactive and unaffected all the time is a bad idea.

i think its safe to say that the proper level of "reactiveness" or "affectedness" should be proportional to how emotionally important it is to you (or so you would like it to appear). that being said, you need to assess how close you are with this girl. if you show too much reaction to a girl that you practically just met and you are picking up, you are going to look needy. if you don't show enough reaction to a girl that you are beginning a relationship with, and you are beyond the pickup stage, then you are going to look weak and inept.

generally, in PICKUP being reactive is not the worst thing in the world as long as you are not EMOTIONALLY reactive. therefore, in the hypothetical, if you are emotionally reactive, you will probably look needy/jealous. if you are unemotionally reactive, then you won't convey those traits BUT you will still convey interest. If you feel that it is the right time to convey interest to her (which is usually a good idea in qualificatoin) then react unemotionally. However, if you want to hide the fact that you are interested in her (which i find nothing wrong with) then you probably don't want to show any reaction at all.

notice how i said "IN PICKUP" being reactive is not the worst thing as long as you are not EMOTIONALLY reactive. while this is true in PICKUP, it is not true in a RELATIONSHIP. if you are in the early stages of a relationship, an emotional reaction is probably much better than an unemotional reaction or no reaction at all.

Stay unreactive until she is more invested in you. Clearly she is not.

All you can do is be a man.

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I'm addicted to facing my fears.

In an ideal world yes....there are times though where she doesnt actually know where she stands with you. Youre a player, she knows this....she's into you...but maybe you havent let her know just how into her you are. Result? screw this guy im moving on....she kisses someone in front of you. this does not mean she is low quality...it means you were not direct enough and did not move fast enough!

I like this...i think this also comes down to not just 'how close' you are to the girl, but how strongly she feels for you (and sometimes you dont really know this at the time which makes it tough). Lets say youve been freezing her out but you took it too far, she is finally fed up with your games and has decided to try make you jealous to test if youre still into her, she kissed someone else...then reacting emotionally (subltely though) may work well...even though her little plot has worked on you, its win win becuase you want her too...she just had to give you a wake up call to show that youve taken it too far and you were about to lose her. So in this situation when you know she is dead keen, ego aside and man up to it.

if shes NOT that into you then unreactive is def the way to go....combined with kissing someone in front of her as a cherry on top (without it looking like a childish revenge game of course)
i agree, however i think this is easier said than done...most times when you react its going to be emotional...unemotional reacting would be walking up to her, grabbing her and kissing her in front of the guy that shes just kissed....which is risky. how would you react unemotionally but still get the point across that she stepped out of line....its a fine line! You see the problem is that if you react in ANY way to her kissing someone in front of you...she will perceive it as an emotional reaction because your reaction was linked to her kissing someone (which is an emotional frame in itself).