PART 1 WHY YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU ARE.

I’d like to start by telling you I don’t care about who you are.

Neither do I care about your current hang-ups, your shame stories, your lack of friends, your embarrassing lack of history with women, or your demeaning job in MacDonald’s.

None of that matters to me, I care for one thing, not who you are, but what you become. What you are is present and is subject to flux, the present is an arbitrary clause made by your own thoughts. It in effect doesn’t exist in a concrete and constant sense.

Those of you who have undergone the AFC->PUA change, or those undergoing it now, will already be aware of the power that one individual can exert over their identity.

All of you reading this have the potential to change, purely because you acknowledge your want for it. Many people in this world forget about change, they reach a point where they stop evolving, not because they can’t, but because they give up.

This, I find, is one of the most dis-heartening things to see in people.

Don’t get me wrong, these people can be very happy with their lives. But if you want more, if you want to experience more and understand more, you must live with the river of life, you must change.

All living things that claim victory in this universe seek to grow, when they do not grow, they fade to mediocrity and die.

I know it’s uncertain and it’s frightening, but embrace change and it’s growth, when you feel unhappy, stand up and head towards where you want to be, this is the way of nature, this is the way of growth, this is the way of life.

All of you have the potential to change and grow, so before I move onto other topics. I would like to use this OP to mention; that as long as you keep moving, life will never have to be about who you are, but rather, it will be about who you become.

Keep eye's peeled I have a couple of things to add to this (Y)

I totally agree with you on the thought that a person should always be moving forward and continuously evolve himself to being a better person.


Great post

I've already read it, and you will love it!

Confidence in your Reality

If you’re looking for confidence, you won’t find it here.

Truth is other people can’t give you real confidence. Maybe they could give you some motivation, I could blast you with a couple of “Jim’ll fix it” all-purpose pep talk quotes.

But then I would create an attitude, which is distasteful.

“I’m going to hot step it into that club, every chick is going to want me because I’m a real man, all those AMOG’s (or should I say BMOG’s compared to me) are nothing compared to me, man I’m like a superstar, everything about me is fantastic”

People who think like this are rarely anything like their own perceptions of themselves. That mindset is bullshit owned by losers pasting over their failures and emotional turmoil with an in head verbal re-enforcement.

That form of confidence is a mirage, it is a feeling a wave that is ridden but soon disappears. People with that form of confidence are on top of the world, but when the shit hits the fan, their whole reality comes tumbling down around them.

Situational confidence, as I will refer to it from here on in, can last for months, but can similarly be destroyed in a matter of minutes.

Confidence in reality endures, it is a rock, it will push you through the shittiest times of your life and still be better for it.

Confidence in reality is based on your understanding of reality and your ability to manipulate your reality. It comes from you, not from a pep talk given to you by a shady forum member like myself.

Let me point out that this does not mean simply turning round and believing that “You are the man” it is understanding that you can be the man, then working to achieve that title and knowing when you’ve reached it and where you are going to progress to from there.

Situational confidence: I’m king of the world, girls beg for my awesome cock!! I AM LIKE A ROCKSTAR JESUS!

Real confidence: I am successful, and I have the ability with work to become whatever I choose.

Confidence in reality draws its inspiration from Current achievements and the knowledge that other achievements can be completed in the near future.

It looks forward, because the present is irrelevant, as at some point the present becomes the past through the endless process of time that pushes forward.

People with situational confidence draw their confidence from current and/or selected past states that they are experiencing; it is a largely retro-spective method of self-perception.

This confidence relies on external factors being in such a way that there are positive moods, which you can draw from.

Confidence in reality is a confidence that is developed by you; it is a process of internal cultivation and security, rather than an outward parasitical confidence.

yeah man I have noticed this same thing, people will be like fuck inner game I got that shit down then a month or two down the line be destroyed by something. True confidence is invincible a girl dumps you , its the same, you lose your job its the same .

It all comes down to being validated internally, I have started watching people and most of the world is externally validated, -pick up an item of clothing "I what do you think of this?", "I fel so fat", "Hey guys, I met and screwed a girl in under 2 minutes" etc etc TBH people need to listen to fight club rather than idolising it.


PEOPLE< YOU WILL NEVER BE RICH YOU WILL NEVER BE FAMOUS YOU WILL NEVER BE THE AWESOME GUY YOU WISH EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE , you are yourself be happy with that, be as happy with all you have as you would be with nothing. Bleurgh too late for Buddhism and stuff, just remember folks if any part of you can be changed by something that isn't you at some point you are failing on inner game

Couldn't we argue that confidence, like many other things, is an emotion?

We are just conditioning ourselves to generate it every second of our lives by disjointing ourselves from external factors, and generating it through our deep love for ourselves?

Haha, I totally just made that shit up, but it sounds cool and maybe plausible.


Rock the fuck on.


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More food for thought:

I am a believer that you must experience pain, and rock fucking bottom, before you are capable of developing true confidence or any sort of liberation.

When you hit rock bottom;

Your reality will fucking change. You must regress to make progress. Same goes with confidence.

My identity changed when I realized, what I thought I lost, I only gained.

And what I thought I gained, I only lost a part of myself from it.

BOOM Bitch, talk about liberating. Then again, I was beyond fucked up a few months ago.

_________________
I'm addicted to facing my fears.

I love these sort of posts

Fin your on the right track my friend.

If we were to compare this to a commonly accepted model of the "levels" of interpersonal and/or biological relationships, I would say that this is on the second level.

Now a refresher for those who are familiar with what I'm saying, or a quick explanation for those who just thought "what?".

The 3 levels of relationships are:

The first and lowest level is dependence. This relationship is a (+)(-) type of relationship.
The second level is independents. This relationship is a (=)(=) type of relationship.
And the highest level is interdependence AKA symbiotic, which is a (+)(+) relationship.

Since this is a musing post I would pose to you a few questions to help stimulate thought and hopefully help you to continue in your growth. First in your opinion what would have people do to receive the most validation out of their internal validation? Secondly how would you propose someone 'jump starts' the transition from external validation to internal validation? How would you suggest they get the ball rolling for this paradigm shift?


keep up the work buddy, your on a good path and I like it!

I'm gonna tackle them in the order I think about them the most lol, the quickest way I have found to not seek validation externally or be validated externally is to simply be like "fuck it". If it rains on you fuck it you can't change the weather why let it bother you? If someone says you look like a dick fuck it, you dress the way you want to and are happy with ti (or you wouldn't have bought the clothes). etc

Then I think it is a matter of realizing how often you make yourself happy, its like luck if you think you are lucky you will become lucky (the NLP guys can tackle this), so if you think about everytime you are content and happy for no real reason then kinda bookmark them in your head and acknowledge them it sets you on the right track.

To receive the most validation I would again focus on the positives that you create for yourself and realize other peoples opinions are usually biased (by their perceptions etc).

Besch:

I agree and disagree with your statements.

I would say that confidence is more than emotion, infact in certain cases, surprisngly it is a lack of a particular emotion.

Find a pencil, and think, am I capable of picking up this pencil?

You did it? Right?

You've just experienced confidence. It wasn't steeped in "Yeah I can do this" it didn't contain any rush of feel goodness or excitement. It was simply a quite voice of calm in your head. It was almost apathetic to the challenge ahead.

But this again provides problems, if we were to be so confident, that we lost all emotion. (Becuase lets face it a good part of the rush in PU is that their is always a chance of failure.) Would we really want this confidence.

I think fear/anxiety is neccesary for a healthy mind, so I definatly agree with you regarding needing to feel the bad to experience the good.

"I want to drag you across burning coals.......
So you can experience the pleasure of cool grass"

I think confidence which comes in an emotion is the situational confidence which I described, that form of confidence is an emotion, and like all emotions it can dissappear.

True confidence I see rather than a state, a fact which is understood. To have anxiety and fear about what is or will be is a delusion, their is always a way to change, their is always a positive. Confidence is the acceptance of fear as part og life, while removing it's ability to delude and obstruct your mind.

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Doctor:

Ah thank you, you saved me from a real trap!

Many teachers, not just in PU, but probably in many other arts, forget about their audience, they get caught up in their own egotistical world. Their philosophising is only understandable to someone who has their knowledge or POV, they fail to recognise that such abstract concepts while being fun to think on are hard for many to solidify in a pragmatic sense.

Teachers who do this, seek to teach, step into the classroom, and end up walking straight out the fire exit.

They just completely forgot about the students!!

It would be very easy for me to ramble about the right kind of confidence, without describing how to get their, so for a brief moment I'll see if I can steer away from esoteric concepts to one's more grounded in practicality.

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Independance. I think that is a key term, learning to generate validation and approval through yourself. In order to gain this "independant validation" I think me time needed, particpation in activites that make you feel you have accomplished things. Not neccessarily competitive activities.

Things like reading, rowing, jogging, art etc Acttivities that you can do to boost self esteem, but also learn the lesson that you can extract pleasure without the need for others.

That your quality of life is independant.

Now these excersises have also helped lift confidence and self worth. But the focus should not be on "I am" or "I have done" becuase these are all past tense, the mindset created by past tense is one that relies on rather un-steady factors (the past).

In order to gain a pro-actie form of confidence, the lesson focused on in these tasks, and the mindset that you should try and enforce in your head is, rather than "I am" and "I have done" is "I have potential to be" "I could", with these enforcements it is also possible to push boundries further.

"I could be an incredibl succesful business man if I...." is more productive than "I own a business.

The first statement, is more ambitious, it is also more motivating, becuase it looks forward.<- Another key term when considering developing a productive and strong mindset.

An important part of that first statement is "If I".

This "if I" makes the belief more real. "I could become a succesful business man" Is a meaningless statement, it has no connection. "If I" joins the dots and shows a positive and encouraging path towards success.

So to conclude that segment.

1. Think forwardly, what can you do now to make yorself better, don't worry about what you did in the past. Productivity is key.

2. Independance, learn to take charge of your life and develope a sense of who you are and where you are. Learn to create enjoyment yourself. Comedians are great, but they make us lazy, when we watch a comedian we rely on him/her to provide entertainment. Learn to provide for yourself.

3. Think pragmatically, look forward, but make sure these forward thinking affirmations are clear and understandable.

dude, i totally made all that up lol.

_________________
I'm addicted to facing my fears.

np besch, just felt like it flagged up to things I wanted to cover.

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Leading in your world.

“The human eye was never designed to look up in a way that inflates the other to superiority, nor to look down, reducing the other to inferiority. To look someone in the eye is a nice testament to truth, courage and expectation. Each one stands on common, but different, ground.”

That is a quote from a philosopher/spiritual writer John O’Donohue. Donohue is a Christian man and although for a large part I disagree with Xian theology, I tend to find it very negative towards humanity and rather black and white in terms of morality. I’m rather pleased to read his work and see him spread his thoughts into other religions and cultures; it’s refreshing to see the positive aspects of Christianity mingling with some fresher worldviews.

But on with the writing!

The quote sums up my attitude to people who enter my life. I greet them with the same attitude, “you are here in my life and are welcome, I respect you and treat you like an equal”

I tend to prefer to take the stance that everyone is cool until proven otherwise.


Some people would disagree with me.

“Why should I feel respect for someone until they have earned it”

I’ll tell you why, it’s about people and how they feel in your presence….

Tell me, are you more comfortable in a job interview, or relaxing on the couch with a good friend?

It’s the friend every time! Why? It’s because your friend doesn’t judge you, he’s just happy to be with you and you with him.

About 9 months ago I was introduced to guy who’s nickname was “silent bob”, he was called this because, well, as you may have guessed, he wasn’t known for his communication skills.

Truth be told “Silent bob” wasn’t a very nice guy, he was a in the bailiff trade, not the legal kind, he collected drug debts etc, in fact the guy who introduced me to him had just payed him off and had narrowly avoided a beating because he owed someone money that he shouldn’t have.

(The debt was idiotic, around £200 he had borrowed from some guy to pay for birthday presents for a couple of people, and unfortunately this some-guy wanted his money, fast.)

Silent bob was an arsehole, I lent out my hand to shake, and he looked at me blankly, stared me in the eyes then turned his head away before asking why the hell he should shake my hand.

I felt uneasy, I wasn’t intimidated, just taken aback that this guy was judging me and sizing up my worth as a human being.

When you hold the attitude that everyone should prove him or herself, before you show them gratitude for having them in your life, you freeze everyone out. No one wants to be with you; because they don’t want to feel like they have to compete for validation, it’s too much stress.

A little bit of competition and teasing when flirting is great, but as for spending time with someone who doesn’t necessarily want to spend time with you.

Fuck that!

It’s another one of these intricate balances in life, learning to have standards for people around you, while respecting those who don’t meet them.


If you are to lead your reality, you must be a leader for the people in your reality Thus we have to learn how to lead.

In order for someone to be a leader, they must have the support of the group, heck even the mightiest most feared generals in history would be dead meat if their troops decided to turn their swords against their commander.

This is why I dislike using aggressive methods, such as AMOGing and negging girls who are giving you congruency tests, in order to achieve group dominance. These two tactics work fine on single cases, but used to often and to harshly you risk losing the support of the group.

Imagine you were a girl, your out with your friends and a guy approaches your group, he immediately starts making jokes about the males and their appearances, in fact when they ask him to stop and tell him he’s out of line, he refuses to quit, then your best friend steps up and asks when the guy is leaving and he responds “Theirs something between your teeth”.

This guy has wandered into your group and is clearly trying to establish himself through throwing his force at any potential competition.

He was effectively the tyrant of males, he turned up came in all guns blazing and unfortunately ended up being perceived as a threat by those he wished to win over.

A leader understands that those acting against him must be over-come if he/she is to hold peace but should in no way condone tyrant like behaviour.

Dolf Zillman, a psychologist found that aggression has a strong tie to fear, this is another note, in order to lead you must assume responsibility and thus an alpha status without threat. Ever wondered why AMOG’s try to fuck up your sets?

Aggression derives from insecurity, anger is about removing a threat, you only feel angry when there is a threat involved.

AMOG’s fear that you will ruin their chances with the women. You are an opposition that they are worried about.

This is why I think when entering small groups, say 4-5 people, it is a good idea to befriend the men if they get involved. You remove the threat to them; you almost completely remove the ability to feel aggression.

By befriending them you make a friend J I am one of these people who believes that as social beings humans have a want to form positives relationships, for a less flowery view, it’s in our interests for survival that acquire potential allies. It should also be noted that as a social animal, humans are rather tribal, males in particular are, although approachable and easy going in most contexts, quite willing to “lock horns” whether this is through social “One up man ship” or in more extreme cases an all out brawl. By befriending him you default yourself away from the category of opposition to be watched, but rather an ally to be helped.

Understanding how to take the reigns without making the horse feel oppressed and want to lash out, takes real social skill.

Male Jealousy, coolness and sexual un –reactive ness

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You're at a party, the girl across the room is into you, over the course of the night you head off into a bedroom of the house with some other chick, the girl from across the room, who you know has a crush on you see's this, and you don't think twice.

After having some fun in the bedroom (it should be obvious what "fun" means ) You re-join the party, approach the girl who has a crush on you and begin talking.

How many of you have done that before?

Honestly if a girl did that… how would you feel?

How would you act towards her, if you were the person she approached after sleeping with the other guy?

I think a problem a lot of guys have is they are uncomfortable with their sexuality. They want sex; they’ve had it before, but when that girl walks over, their libido kicks in and they want to tear their trousers off.

This is one of the things I think that separates the truly legendary seducers, from your average players.

It’s not dis-interest or non-neediness or any of those things, its just comfort.

-Before I really get tied in a knot, I would like you to know I’m typing as I go, and not quite sure what I am going to say. –

Confident sexuality is a great trait, not letting jealousy get to you, feeling comfortable about having sex.

I still maintain that, anxiety; excitement and desire are all great emotions to harness. I think there is an element of “coolness”.

This is good “coolness” I think I’ll use it.

It’s non judgemental, it just lets what’s happening happen. It’s like a sexual un-reactive ness.

You are turned on an excited, but just because some chick that slept with another guy at the party turns up, doesn’t mean you lose your head. Your state remains the same.