Hi,

What do people reccomend in situations where a girl is already suggesting she may not be available for a date. Situations like this have happened to me a few times on Tinder and most of the time I try to reschedule once or if I feel like there is no chance, just move on.

Situation 1:

Very quick tinder convo and I ask for her number on Tuesday. Then text her to go for drinks on sat night. She replies that she will probably be able to come but there is a small chance she may be dragged out to go out with her friends. I told her 'That's fine, but I'll need to know by Friday as otherwise I'll be going to a friends party". She was happy with that.

Fast forward to today and she msged me that she will indeed be going out with friends and apologised.
I sent a msg like: "Fair enough, though as punishment first round will be on you when we go out"
Then I asked if she is free next friday and told her I can pick her up at 8.
She said she is free but again her friends occasionally just drag her out.

At this point I didn't really know what to reply. I was thinking of saying "tell your friends you've made plans if they try it this time" but given that its just tinder and we haven't even met before, I think it will come across as too needy.

So i'm not planning to text much at all until next Thursday to confirm but to be fair it seems like a lost cause if she doesn't really want to commit.

She does seem to like to text a lot as when I first told her on Tuesday, "see you Friday" she said, "you are not going to text me at all until then?" and I said no and gave some cheesy reason.


Situation 2:

On tinder if a convo is going well about something, then I tend to say something along the lines of "I'm sure you will show me your dog pictures on our date"
She will usually then reply something like: "Oh we are going on a date?" and I will suggest a time and place. However, many times they will only tell you that they can't do that day and not offer any alternatives.

I realise that Tinder or not having met in person makes it incredibly easy to flake and this is basically an easy way to do it without sounding rude. I guess what I'm really asking is if I should be doing something different to reduce the amount of flakes.

I do like the advice about not texting much but to set up a date, especially on the first one. I can't really tell if I really like someone until I talk to them in person. However on Tinder you obviously have to show at least a little bit of banter. Lately I have been trying to keep it minimal but to be fair, most dates that did materialise were where the convos that got longer and more personal.


On a slightly different note, on the first scenario, I also may have missed a massive hint but it was very early on in the tinder convo and I'm not very good at organising "just a bang" because I have never done it.

The convo at that stage went like this:

me: " [going to the shower] then I turn into Madonna and sing my heart out
her: "That sounds fun can I join"
me: "Depends, how good is your singing?"
her: " You want me to sing? xD :/ "

At this point I realised my missed chance, but like I said, I'm not very confident in being too dirty too early.

me: "Among other things"
her: "What other things"
me: " What talents do you have? "
her: "according to some people I'm a good kisser and I'm good at cuddling and other things "

At this point I asked her if she is free tomorrow night and she suggested the weekend and the rest is as said on scenario 1.

Advice appreciated, Gracias

You're going about it as if you met the girl in person already but since you haven't you did not yet make an impact on her...at least not a real one. What works for me with girls I've met online is keep things light and fun on the first day of communication but I cut it short unless she brings up meeting that day. The next day I send another message and if her response is that of the same enthusiasm from the first time we spoke, I'll ask her if she has any "big plans" for the evening. If she says no, I'll usually ask why not (eliminate the have to be up early, too tired to do anything, etc... answers)? Then I suggest that we meet up somewhere.

That being said, this is what I do on weeknights. I never plan weekend dates unless a girl wants to meet on the weekend.

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You: Cool, your friends sound fun. I'll hit you up later Friday if I free up.


Yeah, real needy.

Hahaha, nice.

Tinder is a place where people go to fuck. It's a "come over to my place" kind of site. Yes, there are people who want dates, but it's like the fast food app for hook ups. I've gone on plenty of Tinder dates, but also just had girls come over (and sadly turned a lot away at the door because they mislead me with their appearance).

Better pics.




Jesus christ.

Her: Can I join?
You: Absolutely. 5555 West Pine Street.

Good recovery, IMHO. You can still work with this.


Invite women over that night if they show sexual interest. Women are very much "of the moment". What a woman feels at night, alone in her apartment is not what she's going to feel the next day at work, or if other guys are blowing up her phone.

This was a lesson I did not understand early in life, but I do now.

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This is Arch's passive aggressive way of saying you shouldn't listen to me because I mentioned the next day but I'm not saying to not blow an opportunity but as I've indicated in my initial response but more often than not, most women aren't swiping that day because they are looking to hook up that night. Be smart and learn to read the situation for what it is.

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Jesus, man. I wasn't saying that at all. I can only relay my experience, and what works for me.

Stop trying to battle on things that don't exist, lol.

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Arch...this is what you do. Over and over again and not to just me. People will tell their experiences and you'll say one post later that another person's experience doesn't happen. You had no reason to add that passive aggressive shit at the end because if the issue was "the next day" you would have advised the OP to quit making plans for Friday and try to make plans that day. But you keep doing these strawman tactics and each time you do it, I'm going to say something.

If you are really going by your experiences and claim that you are here for the camaraderie and self improvement, you should be asking us questions of why things that work for the guys that get girls on the forum don't work for you. If your experience says that what you doesn't work and it works for others then you're doing something wrong and not everyone else.

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I didn't even read your post....

you need to chill.

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Yes you did. It must have gotten under your skin because you took the time to reply.

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You don't get under my skin, Jack. No one does here. If that was the case, I wouldn't bother posting.

The tax man? Yes. they get under my skin.

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Good diversion from moving away from the strawman tactics. If you are really here for camaraderie and self improvement you shouldn't be knocking other people's experience because you haven't experienced it. Maybe it would be better to figure out what you are doing wrong instead of dismissing everyone else.

Do you ever wonder why a woman isn't interested in you the day after you speak to her when she originally was showing interest? I can help you with that.

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Sounds like you have an idea whats wrong from your own experiences. First, its the internet. She's talking to other guys, and has a life. You're doing the whole "text for meetups" thing, which almost every thread with flaking has this same common theme. She's talking to 5 other guys, and you're not SEDUCING. Why would she choose to meet with you vs the other guy who is actually being charming for more than a couple messages? Even if your Brad Pitt's younger clone, she's been through that before. Fake profiles, guys who were attractive but weird in person...guys who are attractive but the sex was bad.....so despite how attractive you are (and yes it helps), in most cases, "text for meetups" just doesnt work CONSISTENTLY.

Women ARE very much in the moment, but thats a false equality. The in the moment nature of women, is best used when you're right there, such as on a date you spontaneously take a chick back home. But over text messages? Sorry, but its not a moment there, she can be excited over text, there's a lot of other moments that are more likely just get her out of that mood. She has to get ready, figure out where your place is, question whether you're a real guy, question whether you're a creep, start the car, drive for minutes. Thats not a moment. If youve had some success at the bar or club, you know you can be making out with a woman, have her all hot and the rest, but getting her back to your place in the uber is a different story. That requires finesse, even though she is turned on and you're right there, and trying something like that, OVER text, when she's on the other side of town is a bigger stretch. Chicks will come over and fuck you straight off tinder. But if you're looking for consistency, you have to seduce and build. Also, just setting up a Saturday night date with a chick over text is nuts. Its a big hoop for a chick who frankly doesnt know you, and who as great as you may be, has 5 other attractive guys to see without compromising her weekend.

I've never had a girl invite me over, though that may be because I don't necessarily point convos towards a one night stand.

Whats wrong with weekend dates? Too high chance of them having other plans?


And if she decides to go out with friends again? Do I keep chasing or give or give up?
Agreed.
My problem is that I have only had sex once and I didn't perform as best as I would want. Therefore I have this fear of talking myself up on tinder without the knowledge I can perform if I push for a one night stand. I don't think I can do the "fake it till you make it".

Any tips? My current photos I think are pretty good bar the most important one, which is the first one showing my face. I do need a better one but for some reason I keep delaying (I'm not very photogenetic).
I'm at a university town in UK. I'm not sure if you are from England but girls don't usually have cars at university. Saying that its a small town and easy to get to places. Do you think I should push for girls to come to mine? I have a car and willing to drive but not sure if that makes me more needy etc by saying "I'll drive to yours" or "I'll pick you up"?

I mean she did say she was busy and preferred the weekend and then later decided she was still busy.
Also, I notice a lot of girls show sexual interest and then when you push it / probe it, they resist more. I just don't know how to react in those situations.

Completely agree with your post. What constitutes as seducing though? This is university, some girls are for quick hook ups, some want relationships and I can't figure it out quickly enough.

My usual tactic is to be funny and different, though often I miss out on girls that would have been willing to just go for a bang.

Any help will be nice

Weekends tend to put a lot of pressure on things and tend to have expectations of how things should turn out and lead into the formal dating structure, IMO. If you meet a girl on a night in the middle of the week there is an implied time restraint that you can use to your advantage if things are or aren't going well. That restraint also limits the need for activities and makes it just about you and her. Middle of the week dates are usually a lot more casual and makes it easier to lower her defenses (and yours).

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Seducing from the standpoint of Pickup is getting a girl to do something that she may not have planned on. That in itself doesn't necessarily mean sex but it should be able lead to it.

If your tactic doesn't include flirtation and expressing your attraction then how funny and different you are will not matter in the least.

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