So I met a girl last weekend at a party, a hot 9. I was DJing and she was really into me from the start.. we talked for a couple of hours then did a load of kissing.. there was lots of chemistry, we exchanged numbers and she left.

We agreed to go on a date in the week, and she's new to the city (London), so I planned it. We met up and I took her for drinks at a high-up hotel bar with views all over London. That went well but conversation was a little awkward, which was a surprise as we'd gotten on really well the first time we met (but then it had only been for two hours so we were still getting to know each other). We then went for dinner, where I gave her two options of restaurants, I wanted to know which she'd prefer. I don't think she liked me giving her the choice and she said 'go where you want to go'. I think this was a mistake and I was trying too hard to please her.

So we went for dinner at this super-fancy restaurant. I'd only seen pics of it on the net. It was SPAM and impressive but perhaps a little too over the top / try-hard for a first date. Afterwards we walked to a cocktail bar, we started flirting, did some kino and started kissing in the street.

But the bar it wasn't that great, so I said we'd walk to another I knew, but damn it was getting late and was closed. So we walked to another and it was shut too! I started racking my brain for more bars.. I think again this gave off the wrong vibe that I was trying to please her too much and got worried that I couldn't find anywhere and then she said she was going to go home, so I called her a taxi.

So mixed feelings from the date.. on the one hand we did get on, there was chemistry and a fair amount of kissing in the street later on. But I have this other feeling that it didn't go so well, there was conversational awkwardness at the start and it might have looked like I was trying to please her too much which turned her off.

So I could do with your help on what to do now. I made a BIG mistake by txting her the next day asking if she wanted to meet up again this weekend. In the first txt!! I'm sure this looked very needy. Not good.

It turns out she's busy for a week with visiting friends and I'm not sure what next move to make. I've been txting her with some cocky/funny messages to keep her interested but I'm worried the date turned her off. She doesn't sign her replies with a kiss anymore.

I now have a week to get back into the PUA mindset (I've had a gf for over a year and forgotten lots!) and get rid of this neediness. I'm thinking of not txting her for a couple of days now.

We need to arrange to meet again in a week- due to the last date I'm thinking of a completely different date this time - perhaps something in the daytime, where we can do a fun activity together - hopefully it should remove a lot of the awkwardness and show her I'm not all about trying to please her with fancy bars and restaurants.

Opinions?!

Your text wasn't necessarily a bit mistake. It's only a mistake if she doesn’t give you the response you hoped for. It could have just as easily been brilliant had she texted you back and said she wanted to go out that night. Sometimes it's just the timing of the text. Don't sweat that one.

I would do another night date. But you've gotta get things cranked up. Do something exciting. Take her somewhere where there is built in excitement, or better yet, go somewhere and YOU create high energy in the place/venue.

I don't think the problem is that you were too needy… I think it's that you're too one-dimensional- you're fitting the stereotype of a weak guy. Take her to dinner at a nice restaurant, ask her what she wants to do, worry that the venue you wanted to go to was closed, care what she thinks.

You're the man, you take control. Okay the 2 bars were closed. No biggee, go sit on a bench, make out, and watch people. Hell, sit on the sidewalk. Okay, maybe not if you had nice clothes on from dinner… but all the better if you do and she'll still sit on the sidewalk.

And you're right that your next date isn't going to be a fancy bar or restaurant. I never do those on the first few dates unless the girl insists on taking me. And I never pay for the first date. Ever. I'm the prize, I'm high maintenance, and she needs to spoil me. Women have taken me all over the world, free, with this attitude. So DON'T spend any more excessive money on her.

High energy like you said is a great idea. She needs to see a new and different side of you.

And you need to be a challenge. Don't be an ass, but don't kiss hers either.

I hope this helps you!!!

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Talk soon--JT

Thanks SO much for your reply - very helpful!!

You're right about cranking up the energy. When we met I was DJing, she was dancing, there was loads more energy going on. And I think we've both got the personalities which interact much better in those situations, hence why the dinner date felt like it was going slowly. She's also a spontaneous girl and the whole night felt a bit too planned for her I think.

You're right about the weak guy mindset too - as I was choosing the places to go, I guess I felt like I was out to impress her, and was probably acting up to that.

So, moving on.. once she's done with her friends maybe I'll drop a text like.. "Hey! I wanna have some fun.. lets meet up, try something completely new- you ever been *?". I've just gotta work out what that activity is. Well I've got a few days to think on it. Why do you think a night date not day?

I only said night because you want something exciting. But if you can get high energy or rather a fun, spontaneous feel during the day, that can be better for bonding with her.

Also, understand that when you're DJing that you're high status. You call the shots, you're the man. when you take her to a fancy restaurant, it's harder for some guys to keep that confident, high status frame. She wants that guy who is in the club calling the shots, having fun, being the center of attention. Now, you don't want to overdo this, in fact if you show that you're confident and comfortable without being the main attraction, it scores even bigger points for you.

You're dead on with the problem with trying to impress her. look, you want a mindset that will work wonders? Instead of thinking in your head that you like her, think to yourself that you're interested enough in her to find out if she's good enough for you… if she meets your standards… if she is the kind of woman you're really looking for.

Women can smell a guy who has already decided they like them and it's an incredible turn off for them.

Another text idea… "Hey, I'm ready to give you another chance. time to have some fun. Friday night. Wear jeans and tee-shirt. I want you looking hot, but not respectable. 8:00. My surprise."

Here are some ideas for dates I posted earlier today: I like to make first dates an adventure. Sneak into the zoo. Go to the trainyard and hop a train for a short trip or lay underneath it as it goes over... not in the middle of the tracks, on the outside of the tracks after the conductor has gone by. But be careful, sometimes there is stuff hanging off the cars and it will kill you. Jump the fence at a construction zone and kick around in the half-finished building. Go to a hotel and sneak into empty board rooms, crash meetings for a few minutes, go to the kitchen and grab some food. Randomly knock on people's doors and pretend to sell them something, or ask if they have any cookies or ice cream for the two of you… inviter yourself in. I've done all these, and they have never failed me. Women love it and 20 years later, long after I've forgotten some girl I was with will find me on FaceBook and say, "Remember me and the time that we went to the…"

Or. if you don't like those. Grab a blanket, frisbee, a kite and something to drink and head to a park or beach. Parks/beaches at night are sexually charged.

Anything else?

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Talk soon--JT

i meant "hot but respectable" in the text.

and if you have the balls: I want you in jeans and a tee shirt. I want you looking hot but respectable for me.

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Talk soon--JT

Those are some crazy date ideas! I will definitely trying something more 'high-energy' but I think those ideas are too crazy for me.. ! I don't have the personality to pull that off.. not yet anyway I'll try and be original/creative though, not the usual.

Thanks so much.. I'll let you know what happens!

Yeah, Nightshade, those might be a little much for you, but i'm sure you'll think of something. you know you have to get something fun and spontaneous going, so you'll be fine. those ideas have almost always ended up with something physical happening by the end of the night, and for sure long-lasting memories. as soon as you think you're even half ready for something like that, do it.

oh, and i just posted this http://www.online-dating-mastery.com/at ... ther-guys/ on my blog today. i was thinking of you and your situation when i wrote it. i think you might have given away a little too much too early. worth a read for you for sure.

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Talk soon--JT

Thanks JT! I checked out the link, the video on the page is really useful. I totally get what you mean about making women prove themselves to you before you give your approval. It's a very logical way to build a woman's attraction to you, as in their minds your interest is building as they reveal their personalities.

You're right I think I gave my approval a little too early! I can still make her work for it again next date tho

"I didn't know about you at first, but you're growing on me" is a great line!

I'll be in Vegas next spring, I'll buy you a few beers

Yes! exactly! you get it. you let them tell you about themselves and then give them your approval. You become more interested as you learn more about them.

Let me know how it goes, because this can still work even after a so-so first date. Glad you like that line. i use it all the time. i look at them kind of like i'm really seeing them for the first time, like they've impressed me but i'm still trying to figure out if i like them or not as i say it.

let me know how it goes, and i'll take you up on those beers. should be fun. there are a lot of beautiful women here!

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Talk soon--JT