Forgive the novella. I don't post here often, but, when I do, I'm usually in a conundrum.

I know it's generally scoffed at in this community when a newbie talks about the one "special" girl, and, in most cases, it should be. As someone quite a bit more experienced than a newbie, though, I feel I'm in a position to say that the girl I'm sleeping with now is "special" in that she stands head and shoulders above girls I've been with before in terms of personality, talents, and energy.

One of her most endearing traits - her independence - is the one affecting me right now.

The relationship is currently a sexual one. I'm pretty slow to slap on the girlfriend label, and glacially slow to start throwing around the "L" word, but so is she, so there is almost no pressure. It's not necessarily exclusive, but there haven't been any other serious blips on the radar for either of us. It WAS the ideal situation.

Almost two weeks ago, she and I hung out together with a mutual friend of ours, and his friend, whom neither of us knew. As the night went on, I could tell there was attraction between her and the friend. All the signals, obvious and covert, were there. I found myself feeling the AFC emotion of jealousy.

Fortunately, I had a genuine time constraint that pulled me from the outing prematurely, before my jealousy could leak out, and I've since gotten away from it in large part. In the time that has followed that outing, she and the new guy have hung out for tens of hours.

Today, in the course of making out, she stopped me to ask if she could talk about something that was troubling her. I told her, "Only if it's not about your period." She told me that she loved the great connection that she and I have, and that she is very sexually attracted to me.

BUT...

"I'm shocked by how much I like [new guy]. I've never been in that situation before."

I took a deep breath, found my frame, and told her. "You've become attracted to more than one person. People can do that. I've done it before, and it will likely happen again. To both of us."

She volunteered that she and the new guy haven't even kissed. They usually just sit up for hours talking, watching movies, and listening to bands that they both like.

I told her, "You don't have to explain the relationship to me. I knew you had those feelings. It's not something I'm losing sleep over, it doesn't change the dynamic between us from my point of view, and I'm not going to be the one who makes you choose one or the other." Everything I told her is true, but I neglected to tell her that, if she does choose, I would like for it to be me.

Anyone else been through this? Should I just try to hold an outcome-indifference mindset, continue to be with her on the same basis, and wait to see what happens with the other guy? Or is there something else I should be doing or saying?

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"I'm currently treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I'm getting paid by eight people." - Leonard Zelig

I think that she was with you and it was all good. But, then she found someone who offered her something more than just the physical connection and well, indifference is all well and good, but the truth that after a point you have to be open enough to tell that you like her and that you'd want something substantial, if that's your aim.

If you're feeling a rush because she found someone right in front of you, and just want her to be with you, lose those trivial feelings.

Either way, the choice is yours. Do you want her for her or for what she's making you feel? is the burning question.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "