My buddy was telling me that ever since i've gotten into PUA stuff i've changed into more dickish. like i would call him out and stuff and that for the last 3 months that i've had an entirely different view on life in general. Does this normally happen when people first get into PUA? i feel a lot more confident and more of a leader and my self interest has gone up so much from how i used to be. I used to let people walk all over me and i would put others above me. now i treat myself as an equal. if you do something for me then ill do something for you. Does anyone else have their friends/family notice something is different? i am happy that pua material is changing me into the man that i want to be, but my family thinks that i have become rude and selfish. Should i change back to the nice guy that i used to be or put myself first.
selfishness vs selflessness
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I believe when people first get into PUA, they over calibrate for their initial bad habits and behaviours, making their new behaviours come off in-congruent and possibly more arrogant selfish than they should be.

I remember having a tendency to believe I was better than I was, this did not do me any favours though.

Don't go back to the person you were before if your new mindset is helping you and most importantly making you feel good about yourself. If you do, it will most probably only make you unhappy as you wont feel you are fulfilling your potential.

But possibly analyse some of your new behaviours and notice when you are being arrogant or selfish, and evaluate/re-calibrate them to a middle ground.

best of luck

When I first started 6 months ago (maybe even still today but I'm just aware of it) I compensated for low self confidence by negging too much or being too avoidant. I was very incongruent for sure. I think now that I'm aware of it will ultimately help me get out of the hole but I think it's still a weakness.

i think i went to the extreme just so that i could find the perfect medium ground for me.

Make booties go clap clap and it's a wrap.

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Mooky Dooky says: Make 'dem booties go clap clap and it's wrap!

This is pretty natural until you create inner-game. At that point, it won't matter, and don't discount the fact he may be a little jealous.

Well its important that you dont impede your new views on life too much on your friends. I was a bit too much when I started 4 years ago. I would tell my friends they were "big pussies" if they didnt speak to every girl they had an eye on, and I would get really mad if they accidentally DLVd me in front of a girl.

I have now realized that I was acting like some kind of extremist christian missionary on behalf of the PUA-scene, and that sucked!

If I speak to my friends about my views on romance and girls now, I will simply speak enthusiastically and positively about the things I´ve learned from the PUA-scene.


Secondly, in my oppinion the best and most accomplished PUA´s doesn´t have the need to be the obvious alpha around his close and best friends. Personally I am the more quiet, thinking type, but when I say something, my words actually carry weight.

Also, this philosophy you have is poison: "if you do something for me then ill do something for you."

That´s NO WAY to act around your best friends. Friendship should be based on giving, giving and giving. Ofcourse you want something in return, but you are turning friendship into some kind of transition between a merchant and a customer.

It´s very clear what you´re doing, my friend.

You are overcompensating from the many years you considered yourself inadequate. So first you lacked confidence, and now, guess what, you´re still lacking confidence. Only when you become confident on the inside without having to flaunt it to you friends, have you obtained real confidence and self-belief.

My best friend has been through exactly the same as you, and he has finally "stabilized" from his overcompensation, and now he is such a pleasure to be around, and talk to.


Best of luck.