Quote:
I want it more and more I get more desperate and less
This sounds like inner game issues more than anything. Why do you need a woman to provide your self worth and confidence? Just be Pete, go in, run your game but be completely independent of outcome. Autonomy is the biggest game changer. If you can work on being confident Pete with no outside circumstances determining it, then you will be confident Pete in any situation.
Until then, fake it till you make it. Sometimes it's like a cold pool, just jump in and see what happens.