Hi,

I have had a big problem lately. I have become extremely jealous and worrying about my girl's flirting. She has a very open, flirty personality.

She always tells everyone she luvs them. Most of her friends are guys. She says all the girls she knows are catty so she mostly hangs with guys. She is out late at night and sometimes out late with her guy friends. In person she will say to guys she luvs them and it's obviously just something she says and doesn't mean anything bad.

Most of the flirting I see is on Facebook.She posts right on there on guys walls things such as..."thanks for having lunch with me." A few times she has implied to guys they are cute. They will post a picture of themselves and she will say...."DAAANG!" One prime example of what bothers me is one guy said on his own wall..."I love hot girls. Just sayin". She commented on his post with "And HOT girlz love you!!."

I have seen her talk to guys like this but in person it seems to be nothing. I constantly worry and think she's cheating on me. In reality she probably isn't. I have never had any proof that she ever has. She just is VERY flirty with guys and even more so on Facebook. Pretty much this must all be innocent because she knows I will see it and wouldn't let something bad show up in the open like all that.

When we started dating she told me she has lost bf's because they couldn't take her flirting. She said she will never change but I will be most important to her. She swore and promised she would never cheat on me. She said her bf of 3 years cheated on her and she knows what it feels like.

I constantly find myself digging into her Facebook stuff and searching the pictures and things on these guy's Facebook pages to. Nothing implying cheating has ever turned up. No pictures, no nothing.

I know I have become obsessive about trying to find something bad and constantly checking her FB wall. Nothing shows up. I have a feeling she probably doesn't or hasn't cheated on me. She's just very flirty. Do my actions seem justified? How do I get over all this bullshit about being worried and digging into her information? I know it's become a problem and its probably my own insecurities.

I love her and I know I should trust her but it's upsetting sometimes. I know many will say to just leave her but I love her enough I don't want to leave her over something that may be my own stupid worrying.

On one hand you don't want to give her reasons TO cheat by being the obsessive/jealous boyfriend. On the other if you suspect something your gut instinct should be right most of the time.

You don't want to drive her into another guy's hands by being that jealous/obsessive boyfriend. You either have to trust that she isn't shaming you or do something to take your mind off of it... When I first entered my LTR i was jealous because my gf would have a lot of guy friends and little to no friends that were girls. I didn't want to become that obsessive jealous guy so what did i do? Live regularly continuing the game/flirt but I draw the line if i feel a girl thinks she is getting too close. I do it to pass time and to show my gf that I am still sought after and she needs t o keep her competitive edge.

Hey man, my LTR of three years before I got into the game was just like this. I'm not going to give advice, but I'm just going to tell you my experience. THE RELATIONSHIP DID NOT WORK OUT!

You seem very simliar to me in mindsets. I've done a lot of work on myself in the past few years after being out of th LTR, becoming spiritual, becoming fit, becoming succesful with women, etc. The girls I'm with now, I don't have this problem because I control the situation and smack that shit down.

However, in the relationship you're in which sounds "clingy" as you're sense of self isn't probably that well developed (I could be wrong), I don't think it will work out for you man. The obsessive behavior won't just go away, the fear won't just go away, the hurt won't just go away.

It will get worse, in my experience I had to break up with her and find myself and learn the game and get good with women on my own before I got into another one, where I controlled the situation from the beginning.

I just don't think it's cool for the woman I'm dating to be openly flirting with guys, so I CHOOSE not to be in a relationship with those women. I let the AFC's take them.

You are a human being, and a male. You are deserving of a relationship that makes you happy, and where the woman wants YOU and ONLY YOU. If that's not the case of your current relationship, GET OUT AND WORK ON YOURSELF. If you do this, in my experience it is for the best.

Or stay where you are, and be miserable.

Hope that helps.

I agree that it's far, far better not to tolerate this sort of behavior. If that's how she wants to behave, be elsewhere.

Far, FAR elsewhere.

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When in Doubt, Freeze Her Out.

Surely she knows that you can see this, and probably knows deep down how it's going to mess with your head, girls like this are a nightmare.

My advice - get rid. It'll benefit you in the long run trust me.

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Behind the lady who dances and the man who madly drinks, i'll show you the truth about love.

It's dual-use. It messes with his head, AND keeps plenty of other guys on the stringer.

What's not to like? Well, except if you're the guy that is following after her trying to curry her attention.

Women like this probably don't do it intentionally to cause consternation but you need to lay down the smack sooner or later. I agree that the best advice is to just forget her.

Or she might be trying to see if you'll put your foot down in a calm way and insist that she treat you with respect.

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When in Doubt, Freeze Her Out.

I've dated a few girls like this, and what's worked for me is to stop caring about it. If she's going to do it, she's going to do it, and if her cheating on you is really going to mess up your head, you may want to leave now because there's nothing you're going to do that will make her not cheat.

I think there's a lot of subtle things that go along with "not caring" if she flirts, though I'm not sure I can put them in words. For instance, if I'm with her and she starts flirting, one thing I do is find somewhere else to be (in the venue, of course - I don't leave), but I make sure to let her do her thing...by herself. When she asks me later, and they always do, I tell her flat out that she looked like she was having fun doing what she was doing so I went to go find something fun for me to do. If I know we're going to be somewhere where she's going to be flirting a lot I make plans to go do something else and let her go alone.

I don't know if this is the greatest advice in the world, but it's what I do just because it's a natural reaction for me, and it has worked for me. Of the ones I've found myself in this situation with, they eventually stop flirting like that. A couple of them have, of their own accord, stopped hanging around with so many men in order to be with me instead. I don't prefer that so much because I hate clingy girls, but it happens.

Like I said, it may not be the best advice, I'm just saying what's worked for me.

i simply prefer to date women that keep their flirting to acceptable levels.

ie - "innocent" flirting

it's hard to define, but you know when that line is crossed

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

In person, her flirting doesn't seem bad at all. She calls guys "babe" sometimes. I have heard her tell guy friends she "luvs" them in person. Nothing physical really. Sometimes she will hug her guy friends...they are the ones who always come up and hug her though.

Facebook is where all the flirting that pisses me off happens. Obviously online we sometimes act like we are more outgoing, friendly, or whatever, than we really are. This is probably just her case.

that's why i have a strict "no facebook" sharing policy with any girl i am seriously dating.

i'm not even going to play that game. i don't want to see any of that shit.

it's a shame people just can't act a little more reasonable.

and by reasonable, i mean, not flirt with every person of the opposite gender when you are in a committed relationship.

you would think it should be common sense.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

General rule of thumb for women like this: NEVER EVER become emotionally invested in them... just sex them, act like you don't give a damn, and secretly look for something better -- something with class. In fact I'd strongly advise anyone to avoid them altogether. Women like this are never satisfied with one man, and they will think nothing about dumping you for someone else. But you say you love her, so it looks like you've fallen straight into the spider's web, and she's got you right where she wants you.

I don't care what anyone says, it's either all or nothing, and there's absolutely no excuse for flirting with guys in any way shape or form. I'd never flirt with other girls because I know it would be making my girl feel like shit, and you don't do that to someone you love, and it should be a mutual thing.

She knows she's hurting you, but doesn't care about your feelings because her modus operandi is to HURT you. How would she like it if you started flirting with other girls, and making the same kinds of comments to them? Exactly, don't tolerate ANY crap whatsoever, grow a set of balls and tell her to take a hike, she wont know what's hit her when she sees you're not willing to tolerate any form of disrespect. If you don't do this, she will continue to walk all over you, and keep on violating boundaries because... you're allowing it to happen, and believe me -- sooner or later she will cheat.

I had the same shit happen to me some time ago, but I was a little wet behind the ears then, but I can tell you, I learned a major lesson from that sham of a relationship, and no woman will ever put me through that again. This girl was gorgeous but turned out to be a major slut, and all of her friends were male... only they were not really her friends, they were just orbiters waiting for their chance to move in for a piece of the pie. She knew it, so did they, and so did I, and I wasn't having any of it.

Each time we'd have a fall out (always caused by that BPD psycho bitch) she'd start flirting with her army of male orbiters to get right under my skin. Anyway, she cheated on me early on in the relationship, and begged and pleaded with me not to leave her, and like an absolute idiot I fell for her crocodile tears and gave her a second chance. However, she continued to violate boundaries by flirting with her male friends, so I told her it's over, and I walked away for good. It hurt a bit a first, but I'm now glad it's over, and I'd never get involved with anyone like that again.

Life's short man... don't let anyone have you pussy whipped and feeling eternally insecure. It's not worth it.

A lot of girls are like this. You just gotta feel it out.

Your story reminds me of this one girl who was probably at the time a HB8. I met her at a restaurant which I was working at. I got a #close and followed up the next day. Over the phone she was letting me know how she's always surrounded by hot guys at least five. So I played along and asked if she had room for one more.

After that...when she would come into the restaurant which happened to be a regular spot for her. She appeared nervous and distant for some reason. I displayed IOD's which I believe further took away her supposed power over men. Basically I called her bluff. You act like a slut I'm game...Let's do the menage a cinq. Seems like she played head games with guys. But for me at the time I was getting laid very regularly...I didn't give a damn.

Keep in mind that for every HB...there's ten that replace her.

Unless she could crap actual gold nuggets out of her ass. Her shit is the same like everybody else s. She ain't special!


DL

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"There are two lessons you MUST learn in life my son...always watch where you sign your name...and always watch where you put your dick!"

Yiannis Pantis (Kolonia)