| hey
the whole story below isn't really about me looking cool or me trying to teach you a method that you can use to get control over everything....
it's actually the opposite .. it's about all my flaws... which i feel i need to point out in order to be integer... alot of people probably are going ridicule me but, thats ok.
im not going to bore you with my 18 year of history story .. il just make it as short and powerfull as possible , if you are going to read it i want to thank you for taking your time to read this - you could be anywhere else but instead you are reading this.
some time ago i returned to this forum , most guys or people do know me as someone who takes time giving people constructive advice without asking anything in return.... it's just a fact i helped many people by talking to them.
i lost my job and had some physical injuries which gave me alot of free time - suddenly i didn't had much to do . So i decided to get more into pickup again , inner game , self actualisation and all that stuff.... However i begun to noticing things... like AA returning.
i had what many people call ''approach anxiety'' and i could't deal with it, things i normally do wouldn't work - suddenly i felt compelled to not approach or doing any PUA...i realized i had some inner issue - just like before... i was wondering if it had come back or if i had created another issue subconciously. i didn't feel the need to keep approaching because the feeling wouldn't go away, i couldn't desensitise.
Suddenly i felt reality sucking me back down the ground, like there is a black hole beneath me increasing my gravity... my whole perspective change and reality felt different. i was thinking , i am this guy who helps people , who teaches people how to meet woman and get things done in their life .. why am i feeling his ? am i not what i think i am ? am i just some afc dude or am i searching for another meaning in life.
Everywhere i went woman kept giving me IOI and all that stuff but i just somehow created a glass wall between me and the world - like im having this huge identity crisis. My whole confidence drained away , i mean i am this guy who helped so many people but im unable to help myself and to solve this new issue ?
Again i read alot of material about inner game...almost everything but it didn't helped me , it only gave me more questions and more options of what it could be instead of what it really was / is. All the knowledge didn't felt any good... it even screwed up my game even more and i just didn't had the energy to think or do things anymore.- (right now im recovering and feel increased energy everyday !)
in a nutshell ; i couldn't go out anymore and i couldn't approach people - i felt disspointed with myself because i couldn't find the issue.
i felt frustrated and confused and made the descision to see a psychologist to speed up the process, i also want to talk to someone about seeing a psychologist because i don't want to hide things from people. Actually people dismissed me as a lunatic and made bad jokes about me when i stepped on their toes during conversations. This made me more detemined to do what i want to do....
i made some preparations before the seeing my psychologist ... write down stuff and think about some potential issues. During my session with my psychologist i felt like i wasn't understood ... like no one understood me ... it felt like i had learned too many things like all people were out of my league. i felt very isolated... she kept asking me how i really feel but i was unable to communicate this , unable to make her understand.
after the session was over i was walking home feeling incredibily frustrated, i worked trough thousands hours of material in all ranges of development. I've had fincancial succes , emotional succes , cultural succes.... at this point i really thought this ''negative feeling'' would last forever , like it had no use - but i didn't feel like giving up either.
one weekend i didn't knew what to do.. nothing gave me satisfaction or peace, i just blew up and went to zero - walking around outside aimlessly. I knew there were issues burried deep in my unconcious and meditation just didn't work...i knew i could get things from my unconcious by using certain substances and altering my conciousness. i Know alot about herbal plants and psychoactive substances... i do have experience with a wide variety of them.
note : im not promoting anyone to take any drug or mind altering chemicals...i have alot of experience with substances i have used them from a cultural perspective, used them in a medicinal way. To avoid other people making trainwrecks i just call it ''substance.... ''' , i also want to say that i invested dozens if not hundred of hours in trying to find and solve psychological issues - it's not like i took a magic pill and got to the issue in one minute.
so i visited this store and bought what i need ... at this point i was thinking ; am i fooling myself and thinking i need this or do i really feel i need this ? for me it was feeling , i couldn't explain why i was there and i couldn't explain why i needed ''substance'' because it guaranteed no healing - actually it could make everything 20 times more worse. Still i did feel like i had to do it , for some strange reasons many weird things happened while i was traveling home - i ran into co-workers / ex-co-workers .. not one or two but like 5 , i ran into friends , 2 woman approached me... ?
it felt like the universe was pulling of a joke, i was really surprised to run in all these people... weird....
I arrived home ... realizing that using substance could mean total annihilation - from experience i knew the risk was very high because i was psychologically unstable at that point... i also had trainwrecks before which took me weeks to recover let alone this !
accepting death
So i started my whole ritual .. something i learned from someone who practices traditional healing. After my meditation i swallowed substance... substance consist out of multiple natural ingredients so don't even bother to mimic. I knew it took like one hour for the effects to set in and in that hour i need to do some last preparations.....especially because im tripping alone.
suddenly i fact hit me ...REAL FEAR ... like i could die or my problems could be multiplied 100 times ending up me turning schizofrenic. i decided to accept death... in a mental way i gave everything up - my values my life , friends , experiences , materials , people... this forum. even tho i felt like most of my life wasn't that good i decided to thank god... i thought ; well it was ok.. it was a amazing life.
Suddenly the whole room felt lighter .... a whole weight dropping of me...
i think people in general do not accept death...i think to make life better you have to face the fact that you could die , you need to be aware of death everyday instead of escaping it. For me this was a lesson by itself because i lost all attachement to life... suddenly i stopped thinking - i felt at peace and at ease even tho i could potentially end up braindead over one hour. i felt more in tune with myself ...
suddenly i felt overwhelmed by all these unconcious things which were getting more concious by the minute... i felt like the trip was setting in, it's really hard stuff so i decided to go into bed before i lose my coordination and balance. I lost every aspect as time as usual during such experience .. one minute took like 2 hours - reality changed. suddenly dreams are flashing by ... dreams that i know and dreams that i've never conciously experienced.
Dreams - Blocked emotions
I experienced them again just like you and me in real life reality... but at every dream i felt emotions and i was unable to handle them... i stopped at certain dreams and i couldn't get past them - i got stuck in one dream and feared i would be stuck in these emotions forever. Now it turned in to a bad trip and i knew i needed to deal with this in a mature way - i chose to do this i got to much to give up! if you never tripped or never visited a shaman you probably don't know how much pain and emotional pain i was feeling at this point...
blocking my emotion was like burning in hell....accepting the emotion didn't help i still was stuck in this dream i was re-living.....
Dream '' constricting concrete forrest ''
The dream consisted out of me walking on a freeway not far away from where i live , but trees grew on this road... huge trees like 40 metres high popped out of the asphalt , everywhere was green groundcovers and climbing plants.. it was even more crowded then a jungle - even tho i saw people manouvering along the greenery. The air felt very moist .. i couldn't breath in my dream but in my physical body i had also difficulty breathing. Somewhere along the line i got the idea of changing my dream , everytime i thought something it manifested in my dream.
SO i started to walk ... i touched a tree and suddenly i got a thought - i found out these trees were thoughts......but the whole enviroment felt so dense and heavy - i was able to rationalize my emotions, i was constricted by my own thoughts and mental pre-conceptions. Those people who were walking on the road trying to find their way trought the ''forrest '' were people trying to communicate with me...
since i had so many pre conceptions about things i literally drived myself crazy , nobody understood me anymore and this was a fact in my life. I felt like nobody understood me on a emotional level..... that was what i was feeling for 22 years. after i realized this the sun begun to shine - a very hot desert sun... moisture evaporated and constricting plants were dissapearing...
suddenly i switched back to normal reality instead of my dreamlike trip , all these negative thoughts disappeared , all these pre conceptions about people and life. At one point i realized i also need to give up my thoughts about game.... i didn't want to but i felt like needed to - i decided to give up thousand hours of studying and experiences. after i did this i suddenly felt alive .. i literally felt approach anxiety - but it didn't feel bad at all.
Really feeling
i started to feel what i can describe as emotions..... something i never had felt before....yes you read this very well , i never have experienced real emotions.
For year i have thought i how felt .. i made all the ideas and pre conceptions on how i think i feel and not on HOW I REALLY FEEL.........
i realized that no emotions are negative or positive ... approach anxiety isn't fear .. we judge our emotions and give them labels - you cannot rationalize emotions and explain them. your brain unconciously tries to do it - and i have been judging and blocking my emotions for 22 years. Everytime you feel anxiety you need to realize it's your brain trying to rationalize emotions , your ego is actually theathened by emotions because it doesn't understand emotions. i felt bad about missing out on my whole life ... not feeling emotions at most experiences and connecting with girlfriends... but i also felt very relieved about being aware of this.
Blocking emotions
a long time ago i had no Anxiety ... i approaching woman like crazy , but what i really was doing was blocking my emotions - i learend to block emotions in every way. on this forum i've said thousands of times that woman are more emotional creatures , guess what ... by blocking my own emotions or what my brain is judging as anxiety i killed the interaction and communication with the woman.
all guys who are learning PUA or are unable to interact with people in a mature emotional way are just people who are blocking their own emotions. You cannot think how you feel - you can only judge how you feel... how do you communicate to someone how you really feel ?
IF you can interact on a emotional level everyone will understand you no matter which language they speak.
Stop learning that much
all the aspects of alpha guys can be boiled down in one thing ... being a mature man , and a mature man is someone who understand his own emotions and control his own emotions in a postive way. just face it .. emotions can be communicated.. you don't have to learn anything to do it ... learning things on how to do it like PU are actually blocking you from expressing your emotions.
knowledge blocks you from emotions because if you use your brain you are trying again to rationalize your emotions , judging emotions and in the end identifying with emotions.
there is a difference between the soul and the physical body ... we do know it exists but we aren't aware of it. i have made a new distinction between soul and physical body on a emotional level... it's something which is very important otherwise you will identify unconciously with every judgement of emotion.
so cut the crap what do i need to learn to perform on a emotional level ?
nothing ... everything you learn actually is blocking you ... everything you learn from your parents , friends or experiences can block you. by negative physical aspects your brain will start learning to judge emotions on a early age....
so why do AFC people who are totally emotional fail so hard ? you are telling us to be AFC ?
no im not telling you to be a wuss ... AFC people do not experience emotions they only block emotions , judge them and indentify with those judgements. They aren't interacting with the woman on a emotional level ... they are thinking how they feel instead of really feeling and being in the moment. If you use your brain as a constant factor , if you always think how you feel you are actually clouding your emotions .... your brain or reptile brain wants to fuck evertyhing with tits on 2 legs so your emotions actually get clouded when you are judging emotions by using your brain.
woman have radar for this .. they know when they are interacting with a mature men - when there is a emotional interaction and the man feels what she is feeling she will be attracted .. because you are able to handle emotions without blocking them which is a sign of maturity.
everytime you get IOI and you feel AA .. guess what .. she is feeling anxiety as well - WOMAN LIKE THAT ..... woman like all forms of emotions negative positive , so if you are blocking your anxiety you are actually killing the interaction and attraction.... you are putting a glass wall in fron of you by trying to think how you feel AKA judging your emotions ! guys it's so simple lol .. we are all complicating it with all these expensive fancy techniques - the only thing you actually need to do is being aware of your emotions on regular basis.
Im also raping everything i learned by making all these ideas in order to communicate everything i have learned - and again making new pre-conceptions. So it is not like im getting something out of this... in order to unteach all stuff that is blocking you i need to rape myself and block my emotions at the moment. what everyone need is less thought and more emotions .. emotions is life ... thoughts are just boring ideas on how you think you feel or how you think others feel.
lets face it ... the approach, if you do it feels good .. bungee jumping feels good... not doing experiences by judging them prior doing them is boring.. you are just wasting your life by not choosing to really feel the experience. there is a difference between experiencing and mentally thinking and creating experiences.
Everyone who is having one itis is just thinking how they are feeling .. they can't just feel what they are really feeling. They feel bad for losing the girl... no it's not .. they think they feel bad for losing the girl. If you had amnesia you would totally forget about your ex who just dumped you. thoughts are physical .. emotions are metaphysical..... even if you have amnesia you can still experience emotions without having any thoughts or pre conceptions.....
enough real time explaining ... carl jung explained that dreams are just blocked / repressed emotions which again emerge from the subconcious in a methaforical way.... i agree .... from the dozens of dreams i had another one which was important....this was still during my trip btw.
Dream: '' the bench''
this dream i re-lived real time ( or just dreaming ?) , i call it ''the bench '' and the emotion i was feeling was warmth - tense gravity and excitment.
im seeing this stone bench against a arc in a wall.. everything is made out of beautifull natural stone- it amazed me how beautifully it is crafted so i decided to sit on the bench. im sitting down and looking in the sky .. it's a hot summer night and i hear crickets making sounds in the bushes next to me. the area is lit by these old lightposts something which look like it came from the renaissance. i look around me and to my surprise it's actually in the city close to the bars i used to sarge - i do recognize the area but this wall and bench is something i have never seen before.
Now im looking in front of me and i see alot of people walking in 2 different directions... somehow nobody notices me even tho i make weird gestures. some woman walks nearby but somehow they treat me like im a ghost.. suddenly i felt a really bad emotions .. isolation or loneliness... something i have felt in all my relationships - but i learned to not judge emotions after the previous dream so i decided to put that to use..... suddenly im starting to feel a little bit better and i feel less confused in the dream.....i didn't felt compelled to judge and excuse my emotions.
however in this dream i can't move ... i can stand up and walk to those people .. they are unreachable... im stuck in this dream ( to my estimation ALOT OF TIME in real life reality ) somehow i still do feel some emptyness - the whole energy of this dream is peacefull but empty in a heavy sense... people aren't communicating - there is no interaction taking place at all ... it's a warm peacefull comforting night but there aren't any experiences taking place - somehow it feels empty as well.
suddenly it hit me that i experienced this many years ago when i started my pua journey. i had alot of bad nights .. sometimes 10 in a row.. after each night i always sat on the sidewalk looking to other people without thinking too much. kind of sad but also peacefull enjoying the warm night.... somehow i want to meet people have many girlfriends and a good life - but on the other hand i also felt kind of peacefull when these people do not know me. not interacting and experiencing all these preconceptions made me feel peacefull but i missed out on the excitement .... it's impossible to describe what i felt in words but this comes close.
anyway im still sitting on this bench .. i decided what to do since i can't move, so i decided to talk...... however i did not said what i thought .. i felt like i needed to say what i felt....
so i kind of said loudly i don't need them ... i see everything and i know what i feel ... they are just walking the streets in a aimless dazed fashion. suddenly everyone stopped walking , and turned their heads towards me .. suddenly i felt understood - on a emotional level. it actually took me some time but i noticed nobody had a face .. they were just white ,blank ghost faces. Instantly it hit me that i never communicated how i really feel because people didn't understood me and my emotions ... based on that i created anxiety and begun to constructiong ideas - superficially creating emotions with my brain just to get attention from them ... just to make them understand how i feel because nobody did and this whole process started early - i think i was 6 when i started doing this.
Being understood
i understood other people but no one understood me , by ignoring my emotions and creating mental images to understand others i neglected the ability to experience my own emotions - that's why i sucked with woman and that is why i needed to learn pickup game .. woman just pointed out my issues or symptoms. at this point im freaked out ... people with no faces etc .. it's not regular stuff - i had more dreams which are less relevant and more in the same fashion when it comes to underlying emotions - some horror stories as well......
the dreamlike state / trip is wearing off and i lost 8 hours ... lol ... it felt like eternity.... it wasn't confortable at all ... no pink unicorns and rainbows .. i never experienced a true emotion so it's quitte painfull and relieving when you do it for the first time while being aware.....
i fucked my whole life up because i learned to block my emotions .... i had really bad relationships with really messed up woman but in the end it's actually me who messed up as well - im a good person but i didn't have any emotional relevance to myself and i couldn't communicate emotions to anyone.... as a result nobody understood me , the more i conciously tried to make people understand the more they did no-understand. as a result i try to control everyone in the relationships ... and screwed everything up...i communicated through models of psychology and other crap i learned like PU.
i actually feel regret and i feel like i should meet or call all my ex girlfriends and tell them how sorry i am .... just because i didn't experience and communicate emotions - i had no emotional connection to a any woman. i never can make it up to woman i have hurt by doing this ... maybe some will talk to me but i think most will just hang up the phone. so i got to live with pain i dealt to other people , probably something a mature man got to do ... experience his emotions and live with things out of your control.
can you see my dilemma and salvation ? ... finding out after 22 years you are not the person you thought you were ? that my parents never understood me and they still don't ? helping everyone and giving people on forums advice to better their lives while in the end you are doubting if you gave good advice ? somehow i feel lonely but satisfied with myself ... frustrated because now i REALLY FEEL i can achieve so much more !
i wish i had intelligent but above all aware parents who were mature people...there is one thing im going to learn my children - being honest to themselfs and being in tune with their own emotions.
so what can you do ? what is the ''how'' ?
like i described above i was experiencing dreams ... to be honest i did remember those 2 dreams conciously - i just never found the importance or patience to give them attention...you know you just wake up and you have to do alot of things , you get caught up. You certainly don't need any mind altering substance , i just blocked those dreams from my concious mind because i couldn't handle the emotions - just meditate on it and let it come to you. Focus more on your dreams and give them more attention.
always ask yourself how you are really feeling when you are facing descisions , every judgement - every word you come up with to describe it is bad. if you feel like doing it you need to do it. If you ''think'' you feel like you don't want to do it, then DO IT ... everytime you think you need to - do the counterintuitive in order to get aligned with your emotions. thinking could be screwing you up in the first place so do the opposite to break that thought patern.
how does this apply to pu ? im still feeling AA !
if you experience emotions that's ok .. the woman is probably feeling it as well... just don't judge emotions and take some time to focus on yourself. in that moment create the clear distinction between your body and soul , observe yourself - instead of focussing on techniques focus on your emotions and accept them. IF you feel sexual arousal or any other physical emotional process you need to create a distinction there - you are not feeling it but this body does. create clear distinctions between physical emotions and REAL emotions that comes from the soul.
Accept the fact that the human body is totally flawed .. the real you - your soul is the real deal. The brain doesn't understand your soul and emotions at all, your reptile brain wants to fuck everything out there and your hormones are causing instant sexual arousal....your body sucks .. even tho you are really good looking it sucks...the body tries to control you. Just accept the fact that it's flawed - it's normal that is what human bodies are about , don't let your body take control over your emotions.
if you block the emotion in any way you are cutting of the interaction between you and the woman - this does not mean all woman are healthy , i noticed there are alot of woman who are blocking their emotions as well. since im ''using this whole concept i just found mutual attraction - from both sides , like the interaction is aligned. years ago i was just running game without really giving value to the interaction, just value the interaction.
Bad emotions aren't bad ... they are just different vibrations which we cannot handle because we did not experience it that much. if you are not aligned with your emotions you will try to rationalize ''approach anxiety'' , i know i did , diving in psychology and tons of information but the only thing i needed to do was experience my emotions and not being distracted by my enviroment or the interaction.
Second thing you can do is find a seated set consisting out of 2 woman , just walk up there and grab a chair without talking to them....just act like you are just sitting there spending time with yourself , meanwhile just observe yourself and your emotions - try to experience them and transform them.
did you ever noticed that if you feel ''hate'' you are actually very energetic ? once you kind of accept that hate you feel like you are in control and like you are energized ?
The process of transforming rationalized emotions to emotions.
or the process of transforming emotions by experiencing them.
stop calling it anxiety .. it's just excitement , hot woman do not give you anxiety - they give you excitment.
try to learn to accept ,experience and transform your emotions on a consistent base...stop reading that book and stop watching that PUA seminar for the 8th time, take some breaths and foces on yourself instead of learning all these kind of external materials. To stop your thinking you can focus on yourself and feeling yourself breathing in and out , just feel the wind blowing - experiencing simple natural processes. You can also focus on your breathing when you are doing approaches just to shit off the process of thinking.
another thing you can do is tell the woman how you feel ....feature your insecure emotional blocks to other people. Social pressure can cause you to block and freeze up but you can also turn it to your advantage- like i said before doing the counterintuitive.... instead of gaming the woman and covering up your emotional blocks just feature them.
Everything you do .. body language .. canned material .. every technique is designed to generate emotions in the woman / person. If you communicate with real emotions you don't even have to use all those techniques , i think that is what we call ''natural ''.
if you summerize it it comes down on 1 being aware , 2 experiencing instead of thinking.
all people who suck with relationship are just people who are unable to communicate how they really feel. there are alot of pu guys who really think they are good with woman but they totally suck at relationships long term... i know i've been there lol.. actually if you are very good at pickup like it's the only thing you do you probably suck because you are covering every emotion up with knowledge.
now im not saying canned material is bad ... actually you can use a opener or a routine but at some point you have to be in the moment , enjoying the interaction in the moment and communicating how you feel in a genuine authentic way. make distinction between game/pu and emotions , don't identify with game because to my opinion this is happening to too many people.
i don't want to make the story too long so il cut it right here... _________________ AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526
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CHAT
, alot of mental concepts i made ended up limiting me.
