hey everyone,

i've been texting w/ an hb for about 3 days now & it suddenly went cold. we have conflicting work schedules so i wasn't able to arrange a day 2 until next week & even then, she wanted to do a group thing where her & i bring friends, so i said ok. i have a pretty weak text game but our exchange the first few days was pretty good, mainly joking around, flirting, etc. the last text i sent her was a joke about the perfect date where i would combine all the things she loved (tanning, cold showers on hot days, sleeping on rainy nights, watching animated movies, & doritos), but she hasn't replied since. that happened yesterday & i refuse to text again until she replies, but i just want your opinions on why it went cold & what i can do to fix it.

before i go into my questions, here are just some quick facts to consider:
- i've been mainly joking around & she reciprocated @ first, but it came to a point where she would ask questions about me (where i work, where i live, etc.) & i was still joking around
- i number closed her w/in 5 - 10 mins & i did it right before i had to leave
- i've mentioned going on a date several times
- her text messages have gotten progressively shorter

now here are my questions:
i) when she is trying to get to know me, should i tone down w/ the teasing/joking?
ii) have i put too much pressure on her about going on a date?
iii) perhaps i haven't built enough comfort?
iv) if i do decide to text her again, how much time should i let elapse?
v) what should the text say to regain her attention/interest?

ps no worries fellow PUAs, i'm not stressing over this hb, i'm simply trying to find solutions to this situation in order to prevent &/or eradicate it if it happens again.

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Mr. Jones

seems like you were comming on just a little too strong. You want to constantly escalate, but what does that mean? That means when when you see an IOI you use it to springboard an increase in familiarity/rapport, when you don't you trod along at the same level.

By pushing so hard for a date, you are probably comming across as needy or attention whore. With only about 5-10 minutes of rapport building before a # close this girl hardly knows you and you've probably not build enough value to start demanding dates. I think you should take a little more casual approach to new prospects and don't let all the PUA scheming make you over think it.

I like Mr. L.Rx's method of gradient escalation for this type of situation. Just start a conversation that is slightly flirty at first. That is what is expected at that point, so deliver it. If it goes over well, escalate with a casual invite out. If she ignores/denies just dismiss it and go back to the same level of slight flirtation until you see signs that she is warming up.

Yes you want to try to get in person as fast as possible, but that doesn't mean txting "meet me out NOW!! or I will make fun of you for being chicken!" that just scares women off.

txt some quick small chat, then jump to things you like and can invite her to like "you like live bands?" and then "soandso is playing on friday, I'm going with friends, you should come"

It's simple, its confident and it will seem safe in her mind. Obviously subsitute "live band" for whatever activity you like and she does also.

**Also, I see your from TO, I go there sometimes, We should go out sarging next time I'm up.

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"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-

Well your doing pretty good the only thing is that when she started asking you about where you work, where you live, bla bla bla you should have said something like ill tell you in person because that way she would have had a good compelling reason to come out on a date with you. I only like to use texting to build some comfort and set up a date same with phone calls dont spend to much time on the phone with a girl just set up a date and spend all your time talking on that date. For the question if you should text her again i have no clue im bad at that part of my texting game as well sorry

What you should do here after regaining contact with her, is that you say something like "I'm going out for a coffee, I don't have much time tho, but you seem interesting, join me!" That way she won't view it as a date (because it isn't) and better yet, you get more time to build rapport. Also by saying that you don't have much time you will make her feel safe about joining you


-The Dice

thank you for your feedback guys, i really appreciate them.

@ Psych3r

that was an excellent analysis man, exactly what i was looking for. i was having a hard time balancing b/w coming on too strong vs. dragging out the conversation. i'm naturally an accomodating individual so sometimes i don't go out w/ hbs until it's convenient for them, usually after a long period of time has already elapsed, in which the initial spark/interest has probably dwindled. i especially like the point you made about escalating only after an IOI, it's something so simple that i overlooked, i was just so caught up in the PUA material. as for building rapport during the initial interaction, that's something i definitely need to work on, so i'll keep it in mind the next time i sarge. where are you originally from? & of course man, i'd love to sarge, it would be a great learning experience for me to observe someone w/ more experience.

@ Rockstar815

i'm not much of a text or phone guy either, i find it a nuisance lol. however, it's kidn of a necessity when i can't get the hb on a day 2 fas enough. i'm not hanging w/ this particular hb until a week after meeting her so i have to hold her interest for the time being & the only way to do that is text/phone. perhaps i'm having these difficulties b/c i lack building rapport/comfort during the initial interaction? i feel like as time passes, they become less interested b/c the initial interaction isn't enough to hold their interest for that amount of time. what do you think?

@ The Dice

i have pretty much the same response to you as i did to Rockstar815. what do you think? do you think these difficulties would go away/lessen if i did more work during the initial interaction?

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Mr. Jones

What I think, is that you should go out alot, try something new like skydiving/bungee-jumping, whatever really... If you do this your life in general will be more interesteing, and people will see you as a more interesting person to begin with

I'm not sure if this will help you with keepin contact tho, I believe you might come of as needy to most. The best way to solve this is simply adapting the mindset that "Ok, she seems like a fun girl, but I don't need her." Tell yourself that you are a guy that goes on dates and gets laid left and right, and adapt the behavioiurs and mindsets of those who do. Then you will not come of as needy and girls will find you more interesting.


-The Dice

@ The Dice

i do go out a lot, maybe not skydiving/bungee-jumping but i'm usually very busy. aside fr. partying w/ friends, i'm usually outdoors, i'll be white water rafting next weekend. however, i don't embed these things some times, perhaps i should do it more? & you're right, i don't need her, i was just trying to find out why the contact went cold for future reference (refer to my ps on my initial post). my initial interaction was too short, perhaps i should concentrate more on building rapport next time.

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Mr. Jones

Yeah, but you have those situations that don't allow for more (like this one, where you had to go). And then I would do as I said earlier on, don't take her on a real date, just meet her for a coffee, telling her you don't have too much time.This way you get more time building rapport,

I'm not too much of a fan building rapport by txt myself, so I like to keep it short on txt/phone, and save most of "myself" for the real deal when I meet her face to face and can kino etc..


-The Dice

Couldn't agree more. Girls are fickle because they have guys hitting on them constantly. If you don't seize the opportunity when it's there, it closes fast. Put yourself in the mind of a girl for just a few seconds. Would you rather sit around and wait for someone to grab your interest and attention, or spend it instead with other people who do that right away?

Remember that dating is just sales. Sales of yourself. If a customer is flip flopping over whether to buy something and you let them walk out with "i'll think about it" they most likely wont be back. It just takes practice and overcoming your own roadblocks. We all have the programming, we just have to get the bugs out.

**I'm from Chicago originally, but I moved to PA for High School and NY for College. I've been living in Rochester NY (upstate) for a while now. It's only 2.5 hour drive to TO.

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"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-