Hello all I've got a bit of a problem and need your advice what to do...so advise away....like anything will hold you lot back... lol

The story:

I joined a dating website and got talking to a girl in the same town as me. This is unusual as a its a smallish town and doesn't generally have the best looking women in the world in it. Anyway, Im 35 she is 32 , a definate HB9...and much better looking than her pic suggested.

The weird thing is she lives fairly near me and I asked her to meet up a few times..coffee..whatever etc etc. But she said that "she doesn't do dates and likes to hangout". SHE then suggested I come around her house for tea (we're in England!)., got there and she was REALLY hot. However her 15 year old son was around, so we just drunk tea and had a laugh...didn't stay that long.

Since then Ive see her quite a few times and we have kissed twice. I have been trying to play it cool (maybe too cool) and had a minor op in hospital. during wich time she was REALLY keen and texted loads and really long messages.

I wont bore you with anymore details and backstory! but this is the last day we saw each other.


HB9: You need (next big town) for anyhting? Im going over quick if you wanna come aong?

Me: I agreed can't remember what I said.


HALF HOUR AFTER DAY OUT IN THE NEXT TOWN AND SUNBATHING AT A BEACH HUT I HAD BORROWED:

HB9:Hello you. Thought I'd just come out with it. I dint want any more kisses or fus us to beanything more than friends. The last month or so has been a bit confusing with you and I dont want to get into a relionship as you'd do my head in Hope you're ok with that?

ME: Cant remember what i said....but was along the lines of ."Fair enough, and take care".

HB9:very confusing. Never had someone kiss me then be so...vague? LOL x

Me: Some shit I cant remember.

Hb9: We agreed to be friends, then kissed, then nothing all over again. I dont want a half arsed relationship and Im happy just being friend - Youre lovely, just not b/f material, for me. X

Me: cant remember.

HB9: And had you communicated more I'd have felt more at ease and been happy to go out and not be the sore thumb duo who obviosly don't know shit about each other. Nice to know being friends now isnt an option foryou. Always great to know a guys only been making and effort purely to get his rocks off!

Me: I wouldn't have gone (to next town) if I didn't want to get to know you, would I. Didnt do it to jump your bones.

HB9:And youre lazy. You get out what you put in.

Me: cant remember.

HB9:You actually just sent short texts only when it suited you and gave me insight as to what sort of boyfriend you'd be

Me: Moan, Moan Moan, I can see what kind of girfriend you'd had been

HB9: Yeah, one that deserves more than nothing....

Me: What did you want?

HB9: A guy who has some idea about how he makes a woman feel and being a boyfriend? Justto give you a glue. I spent ay too much timewondering why I rarely heard from you when all you was doing was laying around doing nothing and I was worrying about what was wrong with me? People getting together is all about chemical and we havnt got the right mix. Im nt willing to to try againas I dont thinkwe'd be good together. Even after kissing, nothing changed and you still only sent 4 word texts and made me wait hours on end for a reply. It's boring!

Me: Laying around? Bloody Cheek.I think we're as bad as each other wanting the last worl. Lol. All a shame, but nevermind.

SOME OTHER TEXTS:

HB9:That's what I didnt get. if someone kisses you back you run with it. Not act like you'renot bothered. It doesnt matter anyway. This would be a tragic start to a relationship anyway. friends or nowt. Your choice.

Me: Tragic?...no one died!....of course friends , silly.

HB9 : What I actually did was let you know how I felt and that I only wanted us to be friends. I wouldn't want to be strung along and I dont want to feel the way I have been since we kissed thiose times.

Me: cant remeber what I said.

Hb9: You started to be a git with the take care rubbish.




NO CONTACT FOR 2 DAYS apart from her commenting on a facebook post of mine:

Me:How things with you MRS G, you doing ok?

Getiing pissed! Yeah! You?!

Me:Godd girl! watching a crap horror film.

Me: Have you meissed me then?

HB9: Didnt realise I was supposed to!

Me: Your'e a bad liar.

HB9: And Im not a liar!

Me Yeah Yeah bless ya!

HB9: shuduppayaface!

Me:You're ripping me heart out here!

HB9: Hardly

Me: Well maybe a little


SO, what to do then people?...Am I flogging a dead horse or is there ANYTHING I can do?....what would Johney Soprano do...what would you do or have done differently?

I fucked-up BAD I know...

Seagullboy.

Any specific reason you know and remember exactly what she replied in the text convos, and you barely remember anything YOU said?

Look, you're both in your 30's. Clearly she doesn't think you're mature enough for her. I mean come on, you are STILL playing games with girls at that age? She wants someone who knows what he's going for and he GOES for it.

You have been going around things and been back and forth with her all the time. It's confusing the shit out of her and she doesn't seem to appreciate it. And BECAUSE you are so loose, she chooses to rather keep you as a friend because she doesn't want a boyfriend of hers to be back and forth all the time, since she won't know where you stand in the relationship.

She has a kid for god's sake, think about it. If she's gonna have a boyfriend, she's gonna have a boyfriend that can take care of her and the kid. She wants what's best for the child.

What she sees in you is that you barely can take care of yourself. So if you can't take care of yourself, how can she expect that you will take care of her and the kid?

Food for thought.

She wants you to GO for it and prove to her that you DO have what it takes to be with her. Not only a good boyfriend, but potentially a good father. Not saying that she wants to marry you or anything, but she wants to know that the OPTION is at least there.

Handle your demons and go get her. It's not over yet.

Thanks, Brutal but fair!

I know what you mean, I didn't want to seem too keen at the beginning, this can push women away....probably a mistake with this one in retrospect. I'm just pissed off I made so many rookie errors.

The reason for the text thing is I only have my inbox saved, not my outbox...so had to do it from memory.....no way back then I take it? lol

Hi mate.

yes, you screwed up badly.

Firstly: i am not really a fan of dating sites. Go out and look for people there. On the other hand, i can understand due to your age. its not that easy anymore, i understand.

secondly: you let your frustrations take overhand when she 'dumped' you and got all... yeah, frustrated i guess. You ask us what you did wrong, but she basically tells you what you did wrong.

Are you looking for a girlfriend? Do you know what type of women you would like? Does she needs to be funny, smart, be able to write her own haiku, i dont know what else more, but you should know. Have you ever stopped drooling on this gorgeous woman and checked if she has any of the traits you like in women except looking good? Do you know what she likes, what her passions are in life, what her reason to live is in this world?

Furthermore, from what i deduct from her replies, you have failed to tell her/show her what it is you really want with her. Like you say it yourself, you 'played it way too cool'. DONT PLAY IT COOL. Dont play at all. This is serious business. What is it you want with this woman? Figure that out, then grow a pair and show/tell her what it is you want.

I believe this is the main source of your frustrations with women: you fail to show/tell what it is you want. now, i could be wrong, because i dont really know you at all. This is just deducting from what i can read here. Now anyway, forget this lady, you will never be able to get her after what happened. Loosen up on her, be nice and friendly, but say your opinion, and you will have a good female friend.

cheers

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

Hello,

When you say go get her...how do you suggest?....text her? , invite her out?

How can I say to her that Im not going to be so loose?

Mike

This is what happens when you play that whole "too cool for you" indirect game bull shit.

Next time be a man and go 100% for what you want.

_________________
Never get broken up with again: the-addiction-formula-never-get-broken- ... 88794.html

Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, she maybe just wasn't up for the chase, she mentions you being short replying to her texts, perhaps you were texting too much? or maybe she only saw you as a friend and there was no physical attraction there?

dont take my word for it, but i do believe its dead and buried as far as getting your end away goes, keep her number, perhaps text her in a couple of months, and chalk it off as one for experience

What I mean is basically what Warped Mindless says in his spot-on but vague reply.

No more indirect shit. In fact, don't even verbalize it at all. No more talking.

Show her that you care about her and that you want her more than just a friend.

Now think back. What exactly do you usually do with her that you both enjoy each others' company with? Go out for dinner? Go to the movies?

Whatever you have usually done with her, do it again. The difference this time being that you go for what you want. If you want to kiss her, do it. Don't be apologetic for being a man. If her kid is around, engage him! (No not like that... you perv.). Have fun with the kid, play with him and make him enjoy your company. The kid will love you.

When the kid isn't around, make a move on the woman. Don't resist your urges. If she's hesitant and you end up talking to her - tell her the truth? Tell her you can't resist it anymore and you want her. You like her more than a friend and you're simply going for what you want. You like her.

Save yourself some time and quit being indirect. Especially with this girl, because she has clearly stated she wants someone who's DIRECT and goes for what he wants.

Be THAT guy.

Thanks Little panda. I will call her tonight and tell her I want to see her. I usually only text her, so this will be a suprise. Then I shall GO FOR IT and stop dicking around. I will let you know if I crash and burn. lol

And even if you crash and burn, you've at least quit wasting your time on this one.